You can't change even though you want to because you are kind. A 21-day journey to create space in your heart
I want to live more like myself.
Wishing for that, you might read self-help books or try to start new habits.
But when you actually try to face yourself, don't you sometimes feel a heavy weight in your body or a sense of indescribable pain?
I'm supposed to be thinking about it properly, but I can't find an answer at all.
I'm working hard to meet the expectations of those around me, but my heart doesn't feel fulfilled at all.
Before I know it, I stop and wonder, 'Is this really okay?'
If you are in that place right now, there is something I want to tell you.
It is that the reason you feel like you have lost sight of yourself is not because you are no good, nor because you have a weak will.
Today, I would like to make aproposalfor you, the 'hard worker,' to regain control of your life once again without blaming yourself.
1. The side effect of kindness: 'I don't know myself'
Since we were children, we have been taught to 'get along with others,' 'read the room,' and 'meet expectations.'
In particular, I believe that you, who are reading this article, are a kind person who is more sensitive to the feelings of those around you than most.
Sensing someone's bad mood and acting ahead of time, or swallowing your own feelings to keep the peace.
The more you get used to 'being considerate of others' and become good at 'fitting in with those around you,' the more a certain side effect is born.
That is,the sensor in your heart that asks 'how do I feel' becomes dull.
Even though you can see the expressions of others with high-definition clarity, your own heart feels hazy, as if covered in fog. That is proof that you have cherished others; it is, so to speak, a 'side effect of kindness.'
You have simply become too accustomed to putting yourself last.
Therefore, even if you don't know yourself, please never blame yourself.
2. What was needed before 'changing'
'I have to change myself'
'I have to be more positive'
'I have to do things properly'
When we think that way and try to look at ourselves, our hearts unconsciously start by 'criticizing our current selves.'
But imagine this.
When someone is strictly questioning you or pointing out your flaws, does your heart open up honestly?
Surely, it would close tightly to try and protect itself.
The same thing is happening to you regarding yourself.
Self-dialogue that comes from the impatience of 'wanting to change' can sometimes become a weapon that corners you.
What you need right now is not to force yourself to 'change,' nor to 'search for the correct answer' that is supposed to be somewhere.
Simply,try to 'understand' your current self..
'Oh, I see, I was feeling this way right now.'
'I was pushing myself so hard and working so hard.'
That small, small realization is the only key to unlocking the chains that bind you.
3. Instead of trying hard, ask "gentle questions"
Even if you say you want to "understand yourself," you don't know where to start.
When you face yourself alone, it inevitably turns into a self-criticism session.
In response to such voices, I have created a 21-day email newsletter.
There are only three things I value during these 21 days.
Do not blame yourself
Do not try to force yourself to change
Instead of trying hard, ask gentle questions
One day at a time, I will send you a "questioning" message.
It doesn't matter if you find an answer to it or not.
"Oh, so that's how I was feeling."
"Today, I didn't like this."
It is a time to pick up and cherish those small ripples in your heart that you would normally overlook.
You might think, "Is that all it takes?"
However, by accumulating just 3 minutes of focus on yourself every day, a mysterious "space" will begin to emerge in your heart.
4. When you have space in your heart, the way you see the world changes
When you have space in your heart, you begin to see scenery that you hadn't noticed before.
First, you will be able to trust yourself and take action.
This is because your core—not "because someone said so," but "because I want to do this"—will gradually but surely become stronger.
Next, your sense of distance with others will become more comfortable.
Since you will be able to see your own boundaries, you will take on fewer unreasonable requests and reduce excessive worrying, allowing you to build pleasant relationships.
And above all, you will be wrapped in a quiet sense of security that says, "It's okay for me to live as myself."
It may not be a flashy change like fireworks.
But it will be a very big step that fundamentally supports your daily life, such as the lightness of your heart when you wake up in the morning and the sense of happiness you feel in fleeting moments.
5. I want to deliver these 21 days to you
If even one of the following items applies to you, this email newsletter will surely be able to help you.
People who have become unsure of who they are
For those who feel uneasy for no particular reason
For those who feel unfulfilled despite working hard enough
For those who want to value their own true feelings rather than living a life that meets someone else's expectations
The program is completely free.
You will receive a "gentle question" and a message on your smartphone once a day.
Takes 3-5 minutes a day
No reply required (though output is more than welcome)
A place you can return to whenever you want to read again, even if you stop along the way
I have crafted this content to be by your side, for you who tend to leave yourself behind in your busy daily life.
Finally: The first step is a gift to yourself
These 21 days are not meant to magically change your life all at once.
However, it is a "practice period" to gently turn the energy that has been directed outward for so long, just a little bit, toward your own inner self.
"Maybe I should listen to my own voice for a bit"
If you felt that way, your change has already begun.
Please, cherish that intuition.
I look forward to meeting you 21 days from now, when your heart feels a little lighter than it does today.
I would be happy if we could walk together through the start of your life moving quietly and powerfully.
[Free] Register for the 21-day email program
(Afterword)
This program was born from my own experience of struggling, getting lost, and suffering while trying to "live as myself." Valuing yourself is never selfish. You filling yourself up will, in turn, lead to making the people around you happy. Why not start by saying "good job" to yourself over these 21 days?