[Rakugo-style] The Dignity of Green Onions
Well, living alone is a carefree existence.
I don't prepare meals at all. Ramen, udon, soba, yakitori, yakiniku—well, I rely on some restaurant or other every single day.
However, this man seems to have a strange connection with green onions.
When he enters a ramen shop, they ask, "How would you like your green onions?"
When he goes to an udon shop, they ask, "What would you like to do about the green onions?"
Even at a soba shop, a yakitori place, or even for the green onion-topped beef tongue at a yakiniku restaurant—"The green onions are..."
No matter where he goes, it's green onions, green onions, green onions.
Come to think of it, it's a strange story.
There must be people in this world who go their whole lives without ever being asked about green onions. Yet this man is asked everywhere he goes.
It's as if he were the VIP, the prince of the green onion world.
Perhaps the restaurant staff can see something. An aura, or perhaps a sense of dignity.
"This person... is no ordinary man. He must definitely have a preference for the amount of green onions."
That must be it. They've just decided that's the case on their own.
And so, they ask. Respectfully, politely.
"How would you like your green onions?"
It is a question posed to a VIP.
This man is not particularly fond of green onions.
He answers honestly.
"Ah... just the regular amount."
At that moment, the clerk's face clouds over.
"...Regular."
"...Is that... really all you want?"
They don't say it out loud. They don't, but the atmosphere, you see, definitely starts to drift in.
With your level of green onion dignity...
Regular...?
With that face, with that presence... just a standard serving...?
What a waste. Truly, what a waste.
That kind of atmosphere, it just wafts over.
I haven't done anything. I just came to eat a meal. Yet, they look at me like someone who is squandering their talent for green onions.
One day, I went into a beef bowl chain.
I looked at the menu, and there it was,
a green onion beef bowl.
"Green onions again..."
While I thought that, I decided today, I'd muster up the courage and go for extra green onions.
I didn't want to see that clouded face anymore. I decided I would live up to their expectations.
I made up my mind.
The clerk approached quickly to take my order.
I opened my mouth.
"Ah, customer, the green—"
The man, it was a reflex.
"Extra green onions, please!!"
The clerk is stunned.
After a moment of silence,
"...Um, we are actually out of green onions."
"............"
"............"
"...Right after I said extra green onions."
"Yes."
"And you have no green onions."
"Yes."
"...Then, no green onions."
"Understood."
Everywhere he goes, he's asked about green onions,
if he refuses them, he's met with a dissatisfied look,
and when he shouts for extra to meet their expectations,
there are no green onions.
Being a VIP is a lonely business indeed.
That was a story about how there are things to say before worrying about the amount of green onions.
(The End)