My Story as Someone Who Was a School Refuser in Junior High

Those reading this might be someone currently experiencing school refusal, a parent, a relative, a teacher, or perhaps someone trying to understand the issue of school refusal.

In this article, I will write about what I felt when I actually experienced school refusal, and what I think now that I am on the other side of it.

I don't intend to provide the 'correct' answer. However, as one person's experience, I would be happy if this could serve as a reference for those currently struggling with school refusal or those around them.

Self-Introduction

I am currently an 18-year-old university student.
I experienced school refusal from the middle of my second year of junior high until graduation.

The Background of My School Refusal

As for the background, I originally had a habit of slacking off and would often skip school even in elementary school. Also, the COVID-19 pandemic started before I graduated elementary school, and in my first year of junior high, half the time was spent in school closures or staggered attendance, so I thought my lifestyle rhythm was just falling apart and I was becoming prone to skipping. In reality, I didn't particularly love school, but I didn't hate it either.
If I went, it was fun, and I thought of it as a place of both hardship and joy, but
one day—though there isn't one specific day I can point to—I started getting stomachaches or headaches whenever I tried to go to school.
During my first year of junior high, I didn't pay much attention to it, just skipping when I felt unwell and going when I felt fine, but
eventually, my parents started saying things like, 'If you keep skipping like this, you won't be able to advance to high school,' starting around my second year. I really hate hospitals, so I was reluctant to go,
but my parents reached their limit and dragged me there. Thinking back now, I realize they must have been very worried. At first, I went to our familiar local family doctor.
Since I had been going there for colds and such since I was little, they listened to me kindly,
and while they couldn't say for sure, they said it looked like Orthostatic Dysregulation, so they wrote a referral letter to the largest hospital in the prefecture
because there was a specialist there, and I went for a consultation.
I hadn't had many injuries or illnesses in my life, so while I was scared to go to a big hospital for the first time, I was also a bit excited.
However, because it was the best hospital in the prefecture, I remember my heart aching when I saw children suffering from intractable diseases.
I actually underwent blood tests, X-rays, and tests with a specialized orthostatic test machine, and was diagnosed with Orthostatic Dysregulation.
It seems there are various factors for Orthostatic Dysregulation, and in my case, I was told it was caused by a small heart due to a lack of blood volume. Since I didn't drink much water to begin with,
the doctor scolded me quite a bit lol.That is my background and the cause. I'm sure the causes for those reading this are varied, so please feel free to write anything in the comments, like 'I'm in this kind of situation,' or whatever else!

Things That Were Painful at the Time

The first thing that comes to mind is the sense of inferiority. I wasn't an honor student to begin with, but I was somewhat of a visible presence, so it was like, 'I can't believe I'm the one experiencing school refusal.'
Other things included drifting apart from friends, and since I wasn't going to school, I didn't want to run into classmates in the neighborhood. Even now, I don't really want to see them, so I go out in secret. Of course, the guilt toward my parents was immense. My acquaintances were going to school, club activities, and hanging out happily every day, and it felt like everyone was moving forward while I was the only one left behind.
Later on, I heard that my parents also felt a lot of guilt. I heard they were worried and distressed, wondering if it was their fault that I ended up this way.
I did have some anxiety about the future, but since I was in junior high, it wasn't something I worried about every single day. It was at a level where I would occasionally worry and feel pained.
Conversely, I was also glad to be living in this era. A while ago, public perception was so harsh that it was doubtful whether you could even find employment or advance to higher education lol.

Things I Want to Say to Adults

Honestly, I think it's tough and worrying for parents. You are worried about your child, and of course, about their future. After all, no matter how far you go, parents will die first, and there is a limit to how much you can help them.
In reality, I can't tell you to force them to go to school, nor can I say you don't have to go if you don't want to. One thing I can say is that if they have even the slightest thought of going, it's worth a challenge, but I don't think this is something for parents to decide.
I understand the feeling of wanting to say something because the child isn't acting independently, but I recommend not trying to force them to go, but rather leaving it to them or discussing it in a way that makes them want to go.
There might be times when you think, 'That child is just playing games, watching anime, and lounging around without studying.' What I want to say is that you should make them learn. I can state this clearly. No, that's wrong. You don't have to make them study, but you should make them acquire 'learning' (gaku).
Learning is not something that is acquired only through studying. Manga, anime, games, and conversations with parents
are areas where it can be cultivated. Biased thinking or knowledge is better than having none at all.
First, I thought it was important to let them do various things. Not just games, but also reading manga, novels, and music. They are surprisingly profound. I want you to value touching upon and learning from small things.
Please keep this one thing in mind: for whatever reason, the person themselves is often suffering. Please do not underestimate that suffering.
Just as the way people feel pain differs, the intensity of suffering also varies from person to person. Though, that's difficult to do, isn't it lol.
It's not good to ignore them, but it's also not good to worry too much. I think the balance is very difficult. If you haven't done anything yet, why not try having a dialogue first?
It doesn't have to be about the main topic from the start. Small talk or talking about today's news is fine.
People feel relieved by talking.

Myself Now

I didn't even attend my junior high graduation ceremony. I went to watch, but I decided on my own not to attend because I felt I didn't have the qualifications to stand on the podium.
After graduation, I advanced to a correspondence high school. Until the end of my first year, I worked hard to fully recover from Orthostatic Dysregulation, and from my second year until graduation, I worked hard to improve myself through things like muscle training.
Since correspondence school suited me, I advanced to a correspondence university, which brings me to where I am now. When I was a school refuser, I couldn't have imagined myself advancing to university and devoting myself to muscle training.
I gained learning during my time of school refusal, and that is the kindness of people. I have been helped and encouraged by many school teachers, cram school teachers, and my parents, which brings me to where I am today. My gratitude goes beyond thanks; it is deep appreciation.

In Conclusion

To the child currently refusing school:
It's painful right now, and your feelings might be constantly down, and you might be thinking, 'What a life...'
I can't say for sure, and I can't irresponsibly say that your life will be bright, but I can say one thing: It will be okay!!
It might sound irresponsible, but fortunately, the world today has a wide range of choices, and after all, there is someone nearby who searched for this text and read it this far, and they are thinking of you, right?
There is nothing happier than that!! You don't have to answer right away, but I hope you will convey your gratitude in some form eventually. If there is anything I can help with, I will help, and if you have worries, I will listen via message, so please don't give up and move forward, even if it's just a little bit, really just a little bit. Even just looking forward is fine. Do something different every day, even if it's just a little, and learn various things!!
Life has only just begun. It's all ahead of you.

Thank you for reading this far.
If you have any worries or want to share your situation, please feel free to comment!
I will answer almost anything, even if it's just something you're curious about!!
Hobbies or anything else are fine, I want you to send me anything.
That is all.