Everyone else is normal, so why am I the only one... ~A story about those painful days~

Hello.
【Recover your happiness discovery sensor!
"Flexible Self-Axis" Counseling】
I am counselor Ichika Shindo🍀.

Click here for the self-introduction of Ichika Shindo,
who experienced over 20 years of difficulty in living.

This might be the first time I've talked about myself
since my initial self-introduction article.

This time, I would like to write a little about what I felt
when I was suffering from the difficulty of living, and my realizations at that time.

Those days when I felt, "Why only me..."

Watching the faces of subordinates and superiors,
reading the atmosphere of the room,
and being considerate or making concessions
to avoid arguments in meetings.

I think I spent my time as a company employee constantly thinking only about those things.

Perhaps because of that, the old me, who always felt that interacting with people at work was a burden,
used to think like this.

“Why am I the only one who feels this exhausted?”

“Are other people feeling the same pain?”

“Am I just not able to endure it?”

“Do I still have to keep trying?”

At that time, I was afraid to go to sleep at night and found it painful to wake up in the morning.
Just heading to work was all I could manage.

However, the people in the same department
seemed to be working "normally",
and I felt like I was the only one suffering.

Before I knew it,
"Why only me..."
"Am I no good?"
I was constantly blaming myself.

It wasn't that I "couldn't do it," but that I was pushing myself too hard

Now, looking back on those days,
I realize that the me back then

wasn't "unable to do it" or "no good,"

but was "pushing myself too hard."

Even though I really had no energy left,
I tried to force myself to fit in with those around me,,

and by thinking "I have to do this properly,"
I was putting my own true feelings on the back burner.

I was convinced it was a "problem of ability"

But back then, I was always worried about whether I was the same as everyone else, and I thought

"not being the same meant I was failing".

Even when I achieved the same results as others,
or even better,

I felt like I was using ten or twenty times the energy,
stamina, and mental strength of others.

I kept trying while watching those around me, aiming to be "normal" or "the same",

but in reality, I was already completely exhausted.

Even so, I told myself,
that person is doing even more,
so I can't be the only one resting.

I would spur myself on,
and at the same time,

"Why am I like this?"
"I want to work more normally"
"I just want to stop feeling anything at all"

I would blame myself for still "not being the same as those around me."

When I thought, "What do I want to do?"

One day,
I saw a new employee who seemed the complete opposite of me,

and I realized that even if we do the same things, our fatigue levels differ,
and even if we are told the same things,
how we take them in is completely different.

It was something I knew, but had forgotten.

It wasn't a difference in ability, but
a difference in how energy is depleted.

When I thought that, for the first time, I turned my attention to myself.

"What do I want to do?"

From there, I gradually began to think based on my own values.

What kind of things drain my energy?
What am I good at, and what are ways to recharge my energy?
I started to think about these things little by little.

I became conscious of my true feelings,
and instead of forcing myself to fit in with those around me,
I searched for a way that was easier for me to continue.

By doing so, gradually

“Maybe I am okay just as I am”and,

the time I spent blaming myself began to decrease.

It was okay for me to have my own pace, too.

Back then, I wasalways comparing myself to those around me,
and trying hard to “be the same.”

But now,
“What is a way I can do things without pushing myself too hard?”

“What are the things I want to do, and what am I good at?”
I think I have developed the habit of asking myself these questions.🍀

And that does not mean,

that everything up until now was wrong.

Trying hard to fit in with those around me is also
an important part of who I am.

But sometimes,
I can listen to my true feelings and prioritize them.

I feel like I have become able to be conscious of how to use both approaches.

If you are currently,

“Why am I the only one suffering so much?”

If you are feeling that way,

it might be because you are trying too hard
to be the same as those around you.

And, if you have been fitting in with others until now,
you might not know what your “true feelings” are at first.

Sorting things out on your own is,
surprisingly, very difficult.

If you are carrying such thoughts,
let’s find a way that is comfortable for you,
together.🍀

--- Ichika Shindo’s Counseling ---
“The Counseling Room for Living as Myself” is
a place where you can feel safe.

If you have lingering feelings of unease,
or if you want to change but cannot take that first step,
or if you don’t know how to cherish yourself,

why not organize your current feelings through counseling?

🍀Our counseling room aims for a society where everyone can value and respect their own true feelings, emotions, and values.🍀

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