Reasons I struggled after becoming a company employee: The gap between student life/private life and the workplace
Have you ever experienced
suddenly finding it difficult to build relationships after becoming a company employee?
For example, you were fine during your student days or in your private life, but for some reason, you can't seem to do it well at work.
I think the reasons vary from person to person, but
what are the reasons for me personally?
I would like to share what I have learned through self-analysis based on my experiences.
Unique stress in relationships that only occurs at work
Interpersonal relationships are difficult for everyone, but
the exhaustion felt at a company is of a different kind.
What I found unbearable was not
being disliked itself, but the following feeling.
• 上司や同僚に怒られる恐怖
• 自分のミスで他人の時間や仕事を奪ってしまう罪悪感
• 「自分より他の人のほうが向いているのでは」といった自己否定
This article is based on
my own experience
to organize
"why I can only endure it at work"
and I hope it will provide some insight to those reading it.
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"Disliking being scolded" and "disliking being disliked" are different
Student days—The reason why the mindset of "I don't care if I'm disliked" doesn't work at a company is here.
• School: If you are disliked, you can just stop talking to them. The impact is limited.
• Company: If you are disliked, it becomes difficult to do your job, mistakes increase, and consequently, the opportunities to be scolded increase. This chain reaction is unbearable.
The point is, it is not that being disliked itself is scary, but that being disliked leads to the fear of "being scolded" because it hinders work..
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The decisive difference between student days and the company
The difference in interpersonal relationships between students and the company can be summarized as follows.
• Students: Easier to choose relationships / Many short-term teams
• Company: Cannot choose relationships / Work together long-term / Performance is directly linked to evaluation
People who acquired the "skill to avoid people who don't get along" during their student days tend to have difficulty adapting to the "inescapable environment" at a company.
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Why romance and private life are easy
The reason why romantic and friendly relationships feel relatively easy is simple.
• 継続が強制されない（合わなければ離れるだけ）
• 怒られる局面がほとんどない
• 上下関係がないため「立てる演技」をする必要がない
In other words, the degree of safety that "even if you fail, there is a next time" is high. Since this does not hold true at work, the sense of ease is lost like an avalanche.
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It is especially painful for those who are not good at "hierarchical relationships"
The troublesome part of a company is that the formal dynamics of hierarchical relationships are involved on a daily basis.
• 友達気分で上司に接すると反発を買うリスクがある
• 敬語やお世辞、相手を立てる文化が苦手だと摩擦が起きる
• 言いたいことをそのまま言ってしまい、空気が悪くなるループに陥る
People who are not used to hierarchical relationships
do not know "what should not be said"
or "how much consideration should be given,"
and as a result, they tend to blame themselves.
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Self-analysis: The dilemma between a sense of justice and "dexterity"
In my case, the desire to be honest and the "dexterity" to keep things smooth did not coexist.
• 正直でありたい → 嘘をつく・取り繕う自分に強い抵抗感
• 器用さがない → 表面的な社交術が使えず摩擦が生まれる
A realistic landing point is
"not to fake yourself, but to incorporate only the communication that can be used for work."
You don't have to act completely, but it is worth acquiring minimum etiquette and reporting, communicating, and consulting as "work tools."
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🧠 Today's psychology term
・Rejection Sensitivity
Rejection sensitivity is a tendency to react hypersensitively to rejection or negative evaluation from others. My "intolerance for being scolded" and "guilt over failure" are deeply linked to this concept.
Simply recognizing it helps organize your feelings and is the first step toward coping. There is no need to be intimidated by technical terms. Admitting that you are "sensitive to rejection" is the start of dealing with it.
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Summary: Work is About "Small Adjustments" Rather Than "Correctness"
The biggest reason for stumbling as a company employee is that the "being yourself" approach that worked in student life or private life does not work within the structure of a job. Being scolded and feelings of guilt are amplified by unavoidable human relationships and hierarchical structures.
The answer is not just to "change yourself." Incorporating small tools to adapt your methods to your work, and changing your environment if necessary, are also rational decisions.
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Finally
Are there moments when you feel that you are "only struggling at work"?
▶ Koumi
Currently serializing a note exploring the difficulties and creativity of living as an HSS-type or introverted HSP, INTP-T, and someone in the gray zone of processing speed.
From the intersection of social systems, gender, matchmaking, romance, work styles, and creativity, I am searching for "structures" that can become a light for someone.