The days when 'children's voices are irritating' might not be the children's fault.

One afternoon,
the children's voices
felt louder than usual.

"Be quiet!"

I felt like saying,
the sounds were echoing in my head.



But at that moment, it occurred to me.

"Oh, maybe I should have taken a nap today."



Since the morning, I'd managed the household budget,
gone to the home improvement store,
picked up some plants,
bought soil and stones,
and done some planting.


"It was a fulfilling day today."


I thought so, but
my body and mind were more
tired than I had realized.

In the past,
"I'm a bad mother for
getting irritated at my children."

I used to blame myself like that.


But recently, my perspective has changed a little.


Perhaps,
it's not that the children got louder,
but that my heart and body had less
capacity to absorb the noisethat was all.

I've become able to think that way.

When you're tired,
sounds pierce you in a strange way.

Sibling squabbles I could usually laugh off,
the sound of the TV,
the clatter of dishes,
everything turns into "noise."


So lately,
instead of saying,
"I'm irritated,"
I try to think,

"Maybe I'm just tired."

Rather than trying to eliminate the irritation,
it's about noticing the fatigue.


Just by doing that,
the way I treat myself becomes a little kinder.

And strangely enough,
the way I treat my children changes too.





The old me
used to try to do something about the "emotions."

But now, I've started looking at the accumulation of
fatigue and stimulation that lies before those emotions.

"I should have taken a nap today."

That such a phrase
came out instead of blaming myself
was a big change for me.