Reasons why a first date goes well but doesn't lead to a second

I am Ryotaro, an instructor at 'Koi-Tore University,' a school for learning about love.

In conclusion, the 'feeling' you get from a first date is unreliable.

To determine if there is genuine interest, look only at whether they come to the second date.

Please judge based on this alone.

In the community where I serve as an instructor, I have received over 600 romantic consultations so far, and this is by far the most common concern.

Have you ever experienced this "I'll text you if I can make it!" problem yourself?

First, I want you to know that the feeling you get from a first date and the actual result do not always align.

It is quite common for a date to go well but not lead to a second one.

Conversely, there are times when you feel like there was zero connection, yet they still come to the second date.

The reason for this is that women have a zone where they think, 'I don't dislike him, but he's not worth seeing again.'

Having a fun conversation just means you haven't lost any points.

If you don't gain enough points to be seen as a romantic interest, no matter how lively the conversation was, it will end with her thinking, 'He was a nice guy.'

I myself have had a girl leave me on read after a first date where we had a great time and I thought, 'I definitely nailed that one.'

Conversely, there have been times when the conversation didn't go that well and I went home feeling down, thinking, 'That was a bust,' only to wake up the next morning to a message from her saying, 'I had fun yesterday! Let's meet again,' which led to a second and third date.

The sense of how things went that a man feels is seriously unreliable.

Therefore, the time you spend overanalyzing her reactions during the date, wondering, 'Was that a sign of interest?', is almost entirely meaningless.

There is only one criterion.

Whether or not they come to the second date.

And I will tell you one more important fact.

A woman will always reply to a man she is interested in, no matter how busy she is.

Whether it is a busy season or she is working overtime, no woman will leave an invitation from a man she is interested in unanswered for more than 24 hours.

"Maybe she can't reply because she's busy" is just wishful thinking on the man's part.

By the way, I will also introduce a technique to smoothly arrange a second date.

There are three things to do.

• During the date, plant the seeds for the next meeting by mentioning a restaurant she reacted well to and saying, "Let's go here next time."

• After the date, send a brief thank-you message, and within the next day or few days, invite them out with a specific date in mind (don't just end it with 'Let's go again sometime').

• If you send an invitation and the reply stops, don't send a follow-up message; cut your losses and move on to the next person.

What is especially important is to propose a specific date when you invite them.

'Let's go again sometime' will just sink into a sea of polite excuses and end there.

Propose a date and make it clear whether they will come or not.

If they don't come, it just means there was no interest.

You cannot change how the other person feels, and if you get caught up in the highs and lows of a single date's outcome, dating will become a war of attrition.

If you are using a matching app, there are plenty of other people out there.

A man who can quickly move on and schedule his next date that same week is better than a man who spends a week worrying about whether that girl was interested.

The one who gets chosen is the latter.

Stop overanalyzing how it went and focus your criteria solely on whether or not there will be a second date.

In my newsletter, I share more detailed advice on how to spend your first date to ensure a second, and how to approach women so they think, 'I want to see him again.'

“I always end up ghosted after the first date.”
“I get swayed by the polite 'let's hang out again' social niceties.”
“I feel frustrated because I can't tell if she's interested or not.”

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