I'm Asexual

I feel like I haven't really talked about it, despite being open about it.

I am a woman in both body and mind, but I am an aromantic asexual—someone who experiences no romantic or sexual attraction—commonly known as an ace.

In short, I am a woman who cannot fall in love.

When I confided in a lesbian friend who has been in the LGBTQ+ world for a long time that I might be non-sexual, she asked, 'Isn't that asexual?' After looking into it again, I felt that fit better, so I decided to identify as asexual.

Being asexual is innate for me, partly because I was never the type to fall in love, but it is also acquired, as I have never had a good experience in a romantic relationship in the past.

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I do have feelings close to a crush, like thinking an actor is cool, a model is cute, or liking the way someone smokes, but that isn't 'like' in the sense of romantic attraction; it's liking them as a 'person'.

Even when I made a determined effort to try hard at romance and took action, or when someone approached me, my heart would repel them like two north poles of a magnet, and I ended up just feeling exhausted.

For an asexual person, being told 'You should get a boyfriend' is the same as being forced to eat a food you hate, with someone saying, 'How can you hate it? This is high-quality stuff, just try it once.'

Romance is the thing I am worst at in life; please don't force it on me.

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In the flow of such conversations, there are sometimes words that make me snap.

When a girl cuts her hair or buys new clothes, people ask, 'Did you get a boyfriend?'

For example, if you become a doctor and are asked why, there are various reasons like 'I want to save lives,' 'I want to be rich,' or 'My parents are in the medical field,' but most of the time, the reason is for yourself.

Yet, when a girl looks cute, there are people whose first words aren't 'You look cute' or 'That suits you,' but 'Did you get a boyfriend?'

That response is simply annoying.

I'm tired of being told that when I cut my hair, buy clothes, or wear makeup because I like to wear them.

I just want to be the version of myself that I like; I'm not doing it for anyone else.

I just want to be allowed to enjoy my own appearance as I wish.

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I've been coming out to people little by little lately, and even if they aren't familiar with the term asexual, I'm relieved that many people are accepting of it.

I have no intention of hiding the fact that I'm asexual, and in my heart, I'm confident enough that I could even say in an introduction, 'My name is me! I'm from here! My hobbies are this and that, and my orientation is asexual! Nice to meet you!'

Just like Pokémon, where there are genderless ones, it might be pop and easier to accept if LGBTQ+ were also categorized into types like water, fire, and grass; I think that would be interesting.

When I was in elementary school, I naturally assumed that all women would have children and become mothers, but around middle school, I realized I didn't even have a desire to have children in the first place, and because I'm an HSP and not good at spending long periods of time with people, I don't want to get married either, so I've decided to just accept that and live my life alone.

I've decided to focus on work, savings, hobbies, and daily life outside of romance, in order to live on my own.

Breaking away from a society that prioritizes romance above all else.

Oh, and one last thing.

I'm happy without romance, and I'm happy on my own because I like being alone, so I don't need any unsolicited help or empty flattery about introducing me to 'good people' or saying I just haven't met the right one yet.

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