A story about being tired of 'you won't do it unless I ask'
👨🏻 Office worker in their late 20s
👩🏻 Office worker in their late 20s
🏠 Dual-income, living together
I will write about the reality of housework, money, and values from a boyfriend's perspective.
'I would do it if you just told me.'
Every time I hear her say that, I feel a little uneasy.
No, I know she will do it.
If I ask, she will clean and take out the trash.
But what makes me tired is that the job of 'asking' is always on me.
01_Housework, the world we see is different
She and I have different standards for cleaning.
I care about dust on the baseboards, water stains on the sink, and even small dirt in the kitchen.
She cleans the places that catch her eye.
It's not a matter of who is right.
It's just that when you live with someone who notices different things, it becomes the job of the person who notices.
In the end, 'I, who noticed it,' move.
This accumulation feels heavier than the amount of housework itself.
02_I am truly grateful for the cooking, at least
On days when she works from home, she cooks for me.
Moreover, there are many health-conscious menus, and I have nothing but gratitude because she tries hard to prepare side dishes as well.
So, I don't think at all that they 'don't do anything'.
However, on the other hand, when I see them looking at their phone for a long time on their day off or lying on the sofa, I also find myself thinking, 'Couldn't they clean up right now?'
I am grateful, yet I also have complaints.
I can't even organize that contradiction well myself.
03_Why do both money and housework lean to the same side?
I bear a larger share of the household expenses.
Since it's a percentage based on income, I am satisfied with that in itself.
But honestly, there are moments when I feel that both the financial burden and the burden of housework are greater on me.
At times like that,
'Is this really fair?'
I end up thinking.
Of course, life as a couple is not a company.
It's not something where the level of contribution can be calculated with numbers. It's not about comparing which is harder, housework or work.
Even so, when I feel that money, time, and consideration are all leaning toward the same side, it becomes painful.
04_Men are not 'Yes' men
Recently, I have seen opinions like 'Since you're a man, you should just do it silently' or 'If you follow what you're told, things will work out'.
Should they throw away their pride and obey?
However, as long as we are living together, I want them to think of this home as their own responsibility.
I am the one giving instructions, and they are the one executing them.
That is not the kind of relationship I want to have.
I just want to share what I notice and have us both be active participants in running the household.
05_The answer is still not clear
Honestly, I still don't know the answer.
Perhaps the fairness I am seeking is too strict.
I think she is doing her best in her own way.
Even so, every time I feel like 'they won't move unless I ask,' I feel terribly exhausted, not by the housework itself, but by the feeling of being the person responsible for managing the home.
This feeling is, of course, not because I have come to dislike the other person.
Rather, it is precisely because they are important to me that I just want them to 'carry the burden with me and think about things from the same perspective.'