How to be happy: 'Don't make happiness your goal'

The top image is a 'Delphinium'.
Its flower language is, 'You spread happiness'.

Rather than aiming to become happy yourself,
it is about what is here and now, gently spreading outward.

It is a flower with such a gentle meaning.

However, we often, without realizing it,
make such happiness the goal of our lives.
I would like to think about that.

The reason you feel unfulfilled even when things are going well

You are doing what you need to do,
and you are moving forward little by little.

From the perspective of those around you,
things might look like they are going well.

Even so, for some reason, you feel unfulfilled.

Even after achieving something,
after a while, you are looking for the next thing again.

'If I just try harder, I should feel fulfilled.'

Even though you have moved forward thinking that,
you feel a sense of discomfort in a sudden moment.

One of the reasons for that
might be that you are 'making happiness your goal'.

The assumption that happiness is something that exists somewhere

'I want to be happy.'

Within these words,

there is a premise that happiness exists somewhere,
and that it is something you reach.

You are still on the way now,
and there is a place where you will be fulfilled someday.

Thinking that way itself is natural.

However, if you stay with that premise,

it also leads to the perspective that
you are currently lacking something.

The more conditions you add, the further away it gets

When you make happiness your goal,
you start looking for conditions to reach it.

If I had more money.
If I had more time.
If I were more recognized.

But,

even if you fulfill one,
the next condition appears.

Even if you think you have finally arrived,
the next 'goal' appears immediately.

If you keep repeating this,
you will never be fulfilled no matter how much time passes.

The problem is not the effort, but the direction

What is important here is,
this is not saying that working hard is a mistake.

Rather, people who have come this far
are people who have properly built things up.

However,

the vector of that effort
might be slightly off.

As long as you keep chasing a goal,
the feeling of being fulfilled will keep being pushed further and further away.

Happiness is found 'along the way'

Let's try changing our perspective just a little.

What if happiness is not something you get by reaching somewhere,
but something you feel along the way?

Waking up properly in the morning.
The meal was delicious.
A day when you feel somewhat lighthearted.

These things
can be felt without achieving anything.

Rather,

if you only look at the goal,
they become invisible.

Trying to let go of 'becoming happy'

It is a way of thinking that requires a little courage,

but letting go of the goal of 'becoming happy'
is one method.

Instead,

what kind of time are you spending now,
what kind of feelings are you having,
what moved your heart,

focus on such things 'along the way'.

Then,

even without anything special,
the moments where you think 'Oh, this is nice' will increase.

Happiness is something you realize later

Rather than something you go out to grab, happiness
feels closer to something that is named after the fact.

That time was good.
That moment wasn't bad.

When you look back,
you feel for the first time that 'it was happy'.

Therefore,

you don't have to aim for happiness from the start.

Spending casual time with care
is much more natural and important.

Summary

If you are working hard but feel unfulfilled,
it is not because your effort is insufficient.

Perhaps,

the very act of making happiness your goal
might be the reason.

At the end of life,
a farewell to this world awaits everyone.

That is precisely why,
rather than aiming only to reach somewhere,
look at what is within the present.

Happiness is not
something you reach somewhere and obtain, but
something that is within the present, spreading little by little.

Like the flower language of the Delphinium,
even without doing anything special,
what you already have
might be reaching someone or somewhere.

When you stop chasing,
there are things that you see for the first time.

With that sense of distance,
it might be okay to spend
your days from now on.

Books that influenced me in writing this article

I have also summarized other flowers for 'how to be happy'
at the link below.
Please take as much as you need🍀

Thank you for reading until the end.
I hope to see you in another article.
🍀May you be happy🍀