How to be happy: 'Don't mistake sacrifice for love'

The top image is of
the 'Japanese Andromeda (Pieris japonica)',
which features small white flowers in a row.
Its flower language is 'sacrifice'.

Its lovely and modest appearance
makes one feel the 'beauty of putting oneself last'.

However, if you take the meaning of that word
at face value,
it also contains a slight danger.

This time,
I will think about the relationship between
'self-sacrifice' and 'happiness'.

Is self-sacrifice really kindness?

Enduring things for someone else.
Putting yourself last and prioritizing the other person.

I think many people have been taught
that this is 'kindness' or 'love'.

Certainly, there are times when that is necessary.
To support someone,
temporarily stepping back yourself
is a natural human action.

But what happens if that continues?

・You can't say no even though you really want to
・You push yourself even though you are tired
・You lose track of your own feelings

When this state becomes the norm,
it is no longer
'kindness',
but becomes 'depletion'.

Relationships built on sacrifice do not last long

Relationships built on sacrifice
look like they are going well at first glance.

But inside, the balance is broken.

The giver gets tired little by little,
and the receiver starts to take it for granted.

Eventually,

'Why am I the only one...'
feelings like this are born.

When these feelings emerge,
it is proof that the relationship was already forcing things.

Essentially, a healthy relationship
cannot be built on the sacrifice of one party.

Taking care of yourself is not selfish

What is important here is that
'prioritizing yourself = being selfish'
is not true.

It is actually the opposite.

If you keep ignoring your own feelings,
eventually you will run out of room,
and you will no longer be able to be kind to others.

If you really want to be kind to people,
you first need to get your own state in order.

・Rest when you want to rest
・Say 'no' to things you dislike
・Do not carry unreasonable expectations

These actions
are a 'responsibility' to protect yourself.

Love is not 'sacrifice' but 'choice'

Love is not about forcing yourself.

It is a state where you think 'I want to give' of your own will,
and you can choose that action.

Sacrifice is an 'extension of endurance',
but love is an 'extension of conviction'.

Even if the actions look the same,
the state of the heart is completely different.

・Doing it while enduring → Sacrifice
・Doing it because you want to → Love

This difference
greatly divides the happiness that accumulates.

Changes that happen when you stop sacrificing

Stopping sacrifice is a little scary.

'Won't they think I'm cold?'
'Won't the relationship break?'

It is natural for such anxieties to arise.

Even so, relationships where you stop forcing things last longer.

This is because emotional discrepancies do not accumulate.

When you are forcing things,
even if things work out in the moment,
a sense of discomfort remains somewhere in your heart.

'I actually didn't want to do that'
'That was a bit tough'

These small feelings
accumulate as they are overlooked,
and eventually make the relationship itself heavy.

On the other hand, relationships where you don't force things
are built within a range that both parties can accept.

That is why the burden is not skewed toward one side,
and it continues without collapsing significantly.


And there is one more change.

When you become able to take care of yourself,
you will start to connect with people
who also take care of themselves.

Relationships where you don't force things, relationships where you don't stretch yourself.

That is a connection built not on sacrifice,
but on peace of mind.

Summary

'Sacrifice' can sometimes look beautiful.
But if it continues,
it will wear down your heart.

Kindness and love
are not about erasing yourself.

It is about taking care of yourself,
and still being able to think you want to give something to someone.

The accumulation of that
creates effortless happiness.


If you feel like you are forcing things right now,
please try prioritizing yourself,
even if just a little bit.
That is also

'a step toward cherishing someone'.

Books that influenced the writing of this article

I have summarized other 'How to be happy' flowers in the link below.
Please take as much as you need🍀

Thank you for reading until the end.
I hope to see you in another article.
🍀May you be happy🍀