What I realized after returning to full-time work when I wanted to cherish both parenting and my career

I thought I would be able to work full-time by the time my child turned one.

I returned to work three months after giving birth, and then my husband took parental leave.
This was because I felt, "I can make this work."

Our family's approach to parental leave

In our family, we decided that it wasn't necessary for both of us to take parental leave at the same time.
We felt it would be fine if one of us worked steadily while the other focused on childcare.

Also, I wanted my husband to have the experience of "managing childcare on his own,"
so I intentionally chose to return to work early.

From those around us,
we often heard things like, "Why don't you both take parental leave together and look after the child as a couple? This time only happens once, you know?"
"It's amazing how things are these days, men take parental leave too, right?"
We heard many comments like these.

I certainly think that choice is wonderful too.
But our family intentionally chose a different path.

Days when I thought things were going well

Since my workplace was close to home, I lived a life where I would return home during my lunch break to breastfeed.

There were times when I felt it was tough, but it wasn't to the point where I felt I had "no breathing room."

In fact, because my husband was taking care of the housework,
I think I was able to focus on "work and breastfeeding."

On the other hand, my husband's contact with society temporarily decreased, and he seemed to feel a sense of isolation.
Alone with the child during the day. I heard later that he felt frustrated by the life with few opportunities to talk to adults, as well as the unfamiliar housework and childcare.

Even so, at the time,
I thought, "I can make this life work."

The choice to return to full-time work

That is precisely why, when my child turned one and entered daycare, I thought returning to full-time work would be,
"surely fine," and I was somewhat naive about it.

But once I actually returned, my life changed significantly.

I dropped my child off at daycare at 7:30 AM and picked them up at 6:30 PM.
Even within the same class, my child was always the first to arrive and the last to be picked up.

Days filled with a sense of guilt over that reality.

After returning home, I immediately started preparing dinner.
We also needed to make lunches for both of us, so there was almost no time to relax.

The feeling of "I have to do this properly" just kept getting stronger.

My body and life gradually falling apart

After returning to full-time work, I started to notice gradual changes in my body.

My own immune system weakened, and I found myself suffering from recurring sinusitis.
Symptoms like fever and post-nasal drip would improve and then worsen, a cycle that continued for about half a year.

While I was grateful that my profession made it easy to see a doctor,
I felt like I was just 'continuing to work without ever fully recovering.'

Meanwhile, my child also started getting sick more often,
and there were months when they could only attend daycare half the time.

There were weekends when the whole family would be bedridden, and our days off were spent just trying to recover.

Since I worked at a clinic, the number of nurses was limited,
making it difficult to take sudden time off.

Before I knew it, I was struggling both physically and mentally.

The first time I stopped to think

'Do I really have to keep working like this?'

That was the first time I stopped and started to think about things.

My body was exhausted.
My child was prone to getting sick.

I felt a sense of unease about continuing to work under these circumstances.

At that moment, I decided to take a leap of faith and talk to a friend about my situation.

Then,
'Do you know about the childcare reduced working hours benefit?'
they asked, telling me about it.

Summary: It is okay to change how you work along the way

Through this experience,
I felt strongly that 'how you work is not set in stone once you decide.'

Even a life you thought was going well
can have its balance collapse all at once when the environment changes.

In particular, balancing child-rearing and work required more physical and mental strength than I had imagined.

That is why I believe it is important to choose how you work from the perspective of 'how can I keep this up,' rather than assuming you must push yourself to the limit.

If you are currently feeling anxious about returning to full-time work, or if you are struggling with the balance between time with your children and your job,
I hope you know that these systems exist as one possible option.
There is surely a way to work without having to push yourself too hard.

I hope you know that these systems exist as one possible option.

There is surely a way to work without having to push yourself too hard.