What I Learned from Accessing Support Vol. 13: Between Systems and Reality [My Mental Clinic Edition]
I am summarizing what I have actually tried so far, partly as a personal record.
I would be happy if this reaches someone who is "struggling right now."
※This is strictly "in my case."
※This note is compiled in the [What I Learned from Accessing Support Series Magazine].
Usage Category: Mental Clinic
Purpose of Use: I had chronic insomnia and wanted to be prescribed sleeping pills. Also, I wanted to distance myself from my husband and work, so I wanted a medical certificate.
Person in Charge: A female doctor at the mental clinic
▶ Background and Circumstances of Use
There have been many times in the past when I thought "I want to disappear" or felt intense fear.
However, my husband's outbursts often subsided quickly, and I myself had spent time pretending his actions "never happened," so I had never visited a mental clinic before.
But since the beginning of this year,
days where I couldn't sleep, days where I didn't want to do anything, and days where it was painful for the morning to come continued.
I didn't know when my husband would come, so I was constantly nervous and even checked his movements with security cameras.
To distract myself from that tension, my alcohol consumption from the evening onwards increased.
I realized that this state was dangerous and visited for the first time on October 16th.
✅ Points that were good (Benefits)
✅ It is a female doctor, so it is easy to talk to her
✅ Before the first visit, there is a hearing of my developmental history by a psychologist, who listens carefully to the circumstances leading up to this visit
✅ I am grateful that she asks about the "feeling of wanting to disappear" casually and naturally
✅ She also issued a medical certificate immediately
✅ Thanks to the oral medication (currently 3 types), my mood swings feel milder than before
✅ I started going to bed at 10 PM and waking up after 5 AM, and the feeling of "today is starting again..." has disappeared
✅ I have become better at coping with premenstrual mood swings than before
✅ Even if I get irritated by my husband's words and actions, the intense tension that makes my heart race has disappeared
(※This is not just due to medication, but also influenced by interventions/warnings from the police and child consultation centers, and an environment where he does not enter my room or speak to me)
✅ Online booking is possible even for the first visit, which is convenient
✅ The female doctor's consultation is about 5 minutes, but for me, who wants to "control the current pain with medication," it is sufficient
(When I want to talk, I use a separate online counseling service)
✅ The reception staff are all kind
✅ It is a clean clinic aimed at women, and it is comfortable
⚠️ Limits and points of caution I felt (Demerits)
※These are strictly my personal experiences and impressions.
⚠️ For those who want someone to listen to them thoroughly, the doctor's consultation might feel a bit brief
⚠️ As is common in hospitals, the waiting time is long (though for me, it has become a time to change my mood by spending time in a space other than my home)
✍️ What I think now
I had always felt something like "difficulty in living," and there were many moments when I thought "my heart might not hold out anymore" while being with my husband.
However, the waves of my husband's mood and his outbursts were only for that moment, and a few hours later he would apologize or be in an strangely good mood.
I think I had become completely "accustomed" to that repetition.
But since the beginning of this year, when I started to distance myself from my husband, the frequency of his interference and pressure clearly increased.
Since September, it became normal for me to be called in 3-4 times a day saying "I have something to talk about" and be held for over an hour.
Even in front of the children, I began to be abused, being told "You made me do this."
I first visited the mental clinic with the goal of reducing my involvement in work, and received a medical certificate stating that "rest is necessary."
That day, even though I told him "I'm not feeling well. I want to be left alone," my husband did not leave the spot, and after I left the room, he committed violence against me.
At this time, I felt it was really good that I had told the doctor at the mental clinic about the situation in advance.
When I told her about the violence at the next consultation, the doctor was also worried and said, "If anything happens, go to the police immediately."
With those words, I felt relieved, as if I had gained one more ally.
⸻
Now, thanks to the medication and minimal environmental adjustments, I am much more comfortable than when I was involved with my husband.
There are still many challenges, and there are days when I am unstable, but
I intend to continue using this clinic well and getting through this.