The truth behind 'I'm the only one working hard' is a bit painful.

The reason why 'I'm the only one working hard' becomes painful

There are days when you can't help but think, 'Why is it always me?'
Truth be told, I'm one of those people too.

Housework, childcare, the little details.

I try to do everything myself, no matter what.
Like it's an obligation, I take it all on my shoulders,

and before I know it, I'm doing it all.

If I don't do it, no one else will, right?
It won't get done if I don't, so I have no choice but to do it.

So,
naturally, I reach my limit.

'I'm working so hard,'
'Why don't you understand?'

That's the pattern where I start getting frustrated.

Honestly, I used to think that.

Don't you feel sorry for me?
Doesn't it look like I'm struggling?
Notice how hard I have it.

I wanted them to say, 'Thank you for working so hard.'

But then, I realized something.

This isn't the other person's problem.

I was taking everything on with the assumption that 'I'll do it,'
and staying silent with the assumption that 'they'll notice,'
yet I was angry that 'they didn't notice.'

It's a bit complicated, but
what I was doing was simple:

I was taking it on myself,
making myself miserable,
and getting angry at myself.

The reason 'I'm the only one working hard' becomes painful
isn't because I'm working hard,
but because of the assumptions that created that way of working.

I think there was a benefit to it,
so by being 'the one who is struggling,'
I was trying to get them to understand me.

In reality,
I could have relied on others from the start,
I could have chosen not to do it,
and I could have put things into words,
like 'I don't want to do this' or 'I need help.'

But instead of doing that,
I kept moving while thinking, 'I'll do it!'
while simultaneously thinking, 'I want you to understand me!'

So, of course, it became exhausting.

Recently, I finally
decided that 'it's okay to choose not to carry it all alone.'
Because I've become someone who can think,

'Even if I'm not working hard, I am loved.'
Then, just a little bit,

the feeling of 'I'm the only one' lightened,
and the need to 'have to work hard' eased up a little.
If you ever think, 'I'm the only one...' again,

it might be worth looking at
where you are choosing that 'assumption of carrying it all.'

Do you ever have moments where you think, 'I'm the only one...?'