A Collection of Messages — When I lined up 10 articles, I realized I had been searching for a "place to belong"

◆ 5-part series: "The results of a 50-something with no experience studying Web Design and Marketing for 6 months at a public vocational training center"
◆ 5-part series: "As a 50-something who changed careers, I search for what I 'want to do' and what I 'like' — realizing that life itself was the design"

Now that I have finished writing and my story has come to a temporary close, I suddenly pause
to look back.

When I lined up the articles, I began to see a little bit of myself.

Shall I try to analyze it?

I wrote these articles in a few days, so I'm exhausted, and
this is a task I'm leaving entirely to Chappy. ↓

My workload increased, my health broke down, my temp contract ended, and I became unemployed.

I went to the public employment office.

It was to look for work.

In my 50s. No experience.
I studied Web Design. I also studied Web Marketing. I have nursing care qualifications, too.

However, when I look at job openings, it's not that simple.

The phrase "50-something with no experience" stands before me like an invisible wall.

So, I took vocational training.
I applied.
I thought.
I thought some more.

What can I do?
What would get me hired?
Is my past experience already outdated?

Thinking about things like that, I searched for a job.

But when I line up these 10 articles, I see something a little different.

I wasn't just looking for a job.

Perhaps I was looking for a place where I belong.

When you reach your 50s, the things you lose increase.

Youth.

Physical strength.

Work.

Children leaving home.

Human relationships.

And, a place where I can be "the person I have been until now."

That is why losing a job is not simply about losing income.

"Who will I be living as from now on?"

That question comes along with it.

It feels like I am looking at job postings at the employment office, but in reality, I am looking at my own life.

"Can I do this job?"

"Will I be needed even at this age?"

"Is what I have done so far still useful?"

Each line of the job posting becomes a question directed at myself.

And, one more thing becomes clear.

When you reach your 50s, the past is no longer just a "career history," but becomes material.

I have worked in trade.

I have experience in office work.

I have worked with people.

I have studied nursing care.

I have studied web design.

I have studied web marketing.

At first glance, it looks scattered.

However, life is not meant to be lived so that it becomes a single resume from the start.

I have done what I felt was necessary at the time.

As a result, looking back, there are many dots left behind.

From my 50s onward, perhaps it is time to think not about erasing those dots, but about

'Can I connect these?'

that.

And there is one more change in these 10 articles.

At first, I was thinking,

'How can I get hired?'

but gradually, it changes to,

it changes to,

'What do I want to do?'

it changes to that.

Furthermore, it becomes,

'What can I do?'

and finally,

in the end, it becomes,

'How do I want to live?'

it becomes that.

A story that started at the employment office has, before I knew it, become a story about life.

I think this is probably what it means to be in your 50s.

When I was young,

it might have been

that 'getting into this company is success'.

But from your 50s, it's a little different.

Getting into a company is not the only goal.

Being able to work without strain.

Being able to use your own experience.

Being able to be useful to someone.

Being able to find something even a little interesting.

And, even if you quit, being able to move on to the next thing.

There is also a way of living where you 'do not entrust your entire life to one place'.

that exists too.

What becomes visible through these 10 articles is not a spectacular fresh start.

Rather,

getting lost, researching, trying things out, going back if it's wrong, and thinking again.

It is that repetition.

But that is not 'wandering aimlessly'.

It is exploring.

I am searching for my place to belong.

I am searching for my market value.

And I am rebuilding myself once again.

A fresh start in your 50s is not about returning to who you were when you were young.

It might be about going to the next place while carrying everything you have lived through so far.

The 10 articles that began when I lost my job and went to the public employment office were, in the end, not a record of job hunting.
They were not a record of job hunting.

This was,

a record of 'trying to rebuild myself for the future once again.'

And perhaps, it is not over yet.

And perhaps, it is not over yet.

Even now, I am still in the middle of searching.

(Thank you, Chappy 🌹)

(My reflections)

Surely, rather than just a simple job search or going to where I passed an interview, I was looking at things in great detail, such as:

• how these people treat others

• what kind of person the boss is

• what kind of people the users are

• whether there is any breathing room in the workplace

• whether I can be myself here without pushing too hard

• whether I can properly utilize my experience

• whether I can feel that 'it is okay to be here'

I was looking at those kinds of things in great detail.

So, I thought, 'Ah, this is something I shouldn't continue,' and moved on to the next thing.
So, I found it; perhaps that's what it's all about.

I've also started writing essays~

If you're feeling a bit full or tired, please feel free to take a look 🌹 ↓↓↓