I have decided to quit my job as a civil servant.

The spring I turned 25.

I have decided to quit the civil service job I have held for three years.

And I have also decided to set aside, for the time being, the career as a radiologic technologist that I have been aiming for since my second year of junior high school.

I have been struggling with this for a year, and I would like to write about why I made this decision now, along with the triggers and thoughts behind it.

I am writing this here in the hope that it might be of some help, even just a little, to those who want to break out of stability but feel resistance to taking that first step.

1. My period of uncertainty

The hospital where I currently work was the only one I applied to during my job search.

I wanted to become a civil servant for the vague reason that it seemed stable, so I applied on the final day as a backup. I passed the civil service exam and was successfully hired.

I passed the national certification exam I had long desired and became a radiologic technologist.

It is an incredibly secure hospital where 95% of employees stay until retirement. I was blessed with great seniors and colleagues, there was almost no overtime, the pay was good, and there were plenty of holidays—it was the best environment.

I had no complaints whatsoever, and I didn't even doubt that I would work there for the rest of my life.

I started to feel a sense of unease about six months after I started working there.

I worked five days a week, watched YouTube and lounged around after work, and went out a little with friends on the weekends.

It was fun, but it felt like I was just repeating the same days over and over.

I still clearly remember the feeling of near-despair that suddenly welled up when I realistically imagined this life continuing for another 40 years.

That was when I caught sight of people who were shining brightly.

Seeing people traveling around the world, developing their own strengths, and working straight toward what they wanted to do made me feel anxious.

Is it really okay to stay like this?

A small sense of unease was born, and I repeated the process of asking myself questions over and over again.

I would listen to various people's stories and feel moved, but I lacked the courage to take a step forward and would end up returning to my old life.

I went on solo trips, joined communities, and expanded my network. I also added to my qualifications.

Even when I started something new, the sense of discomfort only grew larger.

A gap in values began to emerge between me and those around me.

"As long as I get paid, maintaining the status quo is fine."

Even though happiness is unique to each individual, I hated that I was judging others by my own yardstick.

I love my work. I love the people, too.

However, I simply could not accept myself in this environment.

Looking back now, I realize I was just projecting my own weaknesses onto others and getting angry on my own.

I didn't even have the mental space to realize that.

2. The Catalyst

One was the coach training program, "ZaPASS".

I started attending the course in February, and my values were completely shattered (and still are).

Through the course and peer coaching, I thoroughly faced myself, and my true desires were drawn out.

It wasn't that I changed after a single coaching session, but it felt like everything I had built up suddenly flipped over one day.

It was the moment when "I want to be like this" became a real, tangible desire, even if it was still abstract.

I came to strongly desire to live a life where I take responsibility for my own choices, without depending on anything else.

Desires are powerful. And I experienced that in the process of refining small wishes, they can suddenly become big and real.

The second thing.

A single word said to me by a business owner I deeply respect.

Once you start feeling a sense of discomfort, you will eventually quit someday anyway.

I found myself agreeing with that.

In fact, I think that was true.

I believe that discomfort comes from your subconscious, is the essence of what your heart is feeling, and is a sign that you should not overlook.

Discomfort and desires are truly powerful things.

Once you have encountered a sense of discomfort or a desire that moves your heart, it will flare up again and again unless you suppress it with considerable force.

(I suspect there are quite a few people who find it difficult to live only in their original world once they have seen the wider world.)

Ignorance is scary and a waste. But at the same time, I also think that knowing too much can sometimes be cruel and cause people to lose their way significantly.

3. Since deciding to quit

A month has passed since I told my boss I was resigning.

Since there is still time until I leave, I have been facing various things, talking about myself more than ever, and listening to others.

What I feel right now is that things really will work out somehow.

When I write it all down, there were surprisingly few risks, and I even think that continuing to work as I was might have been the bigger risk.

I told them I was quitting without having a specific plan for what I wanted to do next, but many interesting things have been happening.

I used to be desperate to gain things, but I am now in a state where I can see what is truly important as I let things go.

Life is truly interesting.

<Things I did before deciding to quit>

1. Try talking to people about it no matter what

2. Write down the risks of quitting

3. Make time to face your own heart

4. In the end, just go for it!

"You only live once, after all."

It's a phrase I hear often, but after being told this by a mentor I deeply respect, I am once again savoring its meaning.

Live a life without regrets.

It is a new beginning.

Yuma