A Record of Four Years Thinking of Child-rearing as a Business

My second life began when my child was born.
Four years later, that is how I feel.

“Child-rearing was at a level of difficulty completely different from what I had imagined.”

I am currently running a company as a solo entrepreneur while raising two children. I left my corporate job in my late thirties and started my business with the goal of “prioritizing time with family” above all else. It has been about four years since I started raising children and about three years since I launched my company. During that time, I have written about my feelings, failures, and lessons learned on note every single day.

This text is a part of the summary of that four-year record.

Although I say in the title that I “thought of child-rearing as a business,” I did not think that way from the beginning. However, I felt that unless I thought of child-rearing as a business, the life experience I had cultivated in the past would be of no use.

The day I got shingles

Around the time six months had passed since starting my business, I kept falling ill.

One day, when I woke up in the morning, I felt a tingling sensation in my body. I knew this was something out of the ordinary, so even though I was someone who never went to the hospital, I rushed to one immediately. The diagnosis was shingles. I later learned that if you don't take medication for shingles within 72 hours of onset, you can be left with aftereffects. The biggest source of discomfort was the shingles, but I also had a series of other issues: hives broke out, the skin at the base of my ears split, the soles of my feet suddenly became dry and flaky, and a health checkup showed a shadow on my pancreas, leading me to get an MRI (the results were normal).

My body was honestly taking the stress head-on and screaming.

For the first six months or so, my sales were almost zero. That stress was nothing but terrifying. My child had just turned one and wasn't even in daycare yet. My wife returned to work, and weekday childcare is too high-level for a dual-income couple.

This is not sustainable. I started thinking that I had to change something, so I began waking up at 5:00 AM, then 4:00 AM, and started writing a “note that no one reads.” By writing, I tried to struggle my way through.

If I had possessed the perspective of “thinking of child-rearing like a business” back then, it might have been a little easier. But conversely, it was because I had that period of being backed into a corner that I was able to arrive at this perspective. Pain deepens thought.

What I felt every day at that time was the impatience that“both child-rearing and business are becoming half-baked.”impatience.

At work, I had no room to think about strategy. In child-rearing, I was doing daycare drop-offs and pickups, preparing breakfast (not that it was at a level you could call cooking), giving them baths, and putting them to sleep—I was doing my best just repeating that.

When the night crying continued around the time my child was one year old, a thought occurred to me.

“What would happen if I thought of child-rearing in the same way as a business?”

I recall that feeling from my days as a company employee. When launching a business, the first thing to do was to decide on a concept. “For what purpose, for whom, and what kind of value are we providing?” Without this axis, the detailed daily decisions become shaky. In an era overflowing with information, a concept functions as a “personal filter.” Without it, you get pulled in by every option in front of you.

The idea of deciding on a concept

Deciding 'what kind of adult I want to raise this child to be' is the same as deciding on a concept for parenting.

Once this is set, I feel that a single axis runs through everything: choosing extracurricular activities, selecting picture books, and deciding on travel destinations with the child. When I am lost, I can return to the question, 'Does this align with the concept?' It becomes the greatest weapon against being swallowed by the flood of information from the outside world claiming, 'This is the correct way to raise a child.'

The concept I decided on is 'I want to raise a person who can live in the world.' Working backward from there, I positioned the acquisition of language as the top priority. No matter how much AI develops, human-to-human dialogue will continue. I want to support them so they can use the most widely spoken common language in the world—that is the first step in my policy.

Of course, I don't think this is the only correct answer. 'I want to raise a person who is healthy and can think and act for themselves' is fine, too. Or, 'I want to raise a person who can understand the pain of others.' I think what is important is not the concept itself, but 'that the couple shares that common understanding.'

If you are looking at the same picture, there will be fewer arguments about which direction to move in. Even if you do argue, you can return to the starting point. Every decision in parenting can ultimately be judged by referring to the concept.

'There is a lot of information on parenting, and all of it might be correct, or it might not be'—if you search online, countless pieces of parenting information will appear. It is not rare for diametrically opposed advice to be lined up for the same problem. Experts, senior moms and dads, best-selling books—everyone says something different.

That is precisely why, as I gained experience in parenting, I realized that it is important to create 'our own axis' first before being swept away by outside information.

The first big job: deciding the child's name

Before deciding on a concept, there is one more important decision to make: naming the child.

A name is a brand that the child will use for their entire life. I feel that I have lived a life influenced by the single kanji character in my own name. In a good way, I grew up conscious of that character. That is why I took the task of naming very seriously.

The naming process I practiced was this: I read five name dictionaries and encountered over 500 names. From those, I narrowed down the candidates to about 50 based on the 'sound.' I wrote them down in a notebook while combining the meaning, appearance, and sound of the kanji, and tried saying them out loud. I narrowed it down to two candidates by one week before the due date, and chose based on intuition after seeing the child's face when they were born.

'I want you to live a healthy, energetic, and happy life'—I make that pure wish the first gift in the form of a name. I think this is the starting line of parenting.

I also referred to the number of strokes and name divination, but what I ultimately valued was the feeling of 'does this name suit the child when I call it out loud?' When I saw the face of the child who was born, I made it a name I could be certain of, saying, 'This is the name.' I still remember that moment vividly. At the time, I couldn't be present for the birth due to the COVID-19 pandemic, so I decided after seeing their face on a LINE video call, but I was nervous and so happy I could cry.

Deciding on a name is also the first opportunity to verbalize the concept of parenting. The thought of 'what kind of person I want them to grow up to be' is put into every character. It feels the same as naming a business. Once the name is decided, how you want to raise that child naturally turns into words.

What I learned from the toothbrushing problem

When you read parenting books, you understand the theory. However, practice does not go according to theory.

The 'problem of not doing it even when told' is a daily occurrence in parenting. Toothbrushing, changing clothes, eating—what should adults do when a child doesn't do what they are supposed to do?

Everything I tried failed completely.

I showed them the correct way to brush teeth on YouTube. It was counterproductive. They wanted to watch other YouTube videos, and there was no end to it. I utilized a toothbrushing picture book. It only had a temporary effect. I changed the children's toothpaste. They got used to it immediately. I introduced an Anpanman toothbrush. It was the same.

Having failed four times in a row, I stopped and thought: 'Why didn't the things I tried until now last?'

I concluded that the answer was, "Because I was trying to give them what I wanted to give."

What ultimately worked was "pretend tooth brushing using a Shimajiro plush toy." As soon as I introduced tooth brushing goods featuring the character my child was most obsessed with at the time, tooth brushing became dramatically smoother.

The principle I learned from this was simple."Link it to what the child is most obsessed with at that moment". What is necessary for that is observation.

A child's interests are always changing. There is no "magic method that always works." I believe the basic principle of behavioral change in parenting is to observe what the child is currently obsessed with and connect it to the habit you want to form—repeating this process.

In business terms, it means grasping the customer's (child's) insights in real-time and continuously updating the service design (how to raise them) based on that. In parenting, "answers derived from observation" are far more effective than "answers that have a correct solution."

This principle applies directly to intellectual education as well.

When my older child was two or three years old, they started becoming obsessed with leaves and flowers every time we went to the park. They would ask, "What is this?" or "Why is it this color?" So, I introduced a plant identification app. When you take a picture of a leaf with a smartphone, the plant name and its description appear instantly. This was a huge hit. The commute to and from preschool turned into an intellectual education time of "what kind of plants can we discover today?" and their vocabulary increased rapidly.

"Don't ride on what the parent wants to give, but on what the child is currently interested in"—I believe this is the essence of intellectual education. When you support what the child themselves is interested in, their absorption is surprisingly fast. It is the exact opposite phenomenon of forced lessons that don't last.

From "Point Parenting" to "Line Parenting"

There are two major patterns in how one engages with parenting. I call them "point parenting" and "line parenting."

Point parenting is a style where you only participate on weekends or in your spare time. You are absent during the week for work and only play with the child on holidays. Even if you try to engage without knowing what the child is currently struggling with, what they are interested in, or what their condition is this week, your efforts will be off the mark. Naturally, you fall into a state where "even if you try to do something for them, it ends up being useless."

When I was a company employee, I was only capable of this "point parenting." Of course, I tried to engage during the week and made an effort. But I only participated in earnest on weekends and convinced myself that I was "involved in parenting." I used "I have work, so it can't be helped" as an excuse.

It was only after I started my own business and could set my own schedule that I became able to do line parenting.

What changes when you can do line parenting?

First, you can perform "fixed-point observation" of the child. Yesterday versus today, last week versus this week—because you are involved every day, you can notice small changes. "They are more interested in picture books than field guides," "They have started mentioning their friends' names often"—these minute changes accumulate, and you begin to see the child's personality and growth.

Next, you become able to "predict what comes next." When you can read the reasons for their bad mood when they return from preschool, their patterns of night crying, and changes in how they eat—the accuracy of your response improves dramatically.

And above all, parenting becomes fun. The more you do it, the more you can do, and the user's (child's) reactions come back directly. It feels similar to playing a raising simulation game.

In business terms, it is a transition from a state of "only doing the ends of the work" to a state of "being able to make decisions while overseeing the whole as a business manager." The amount of involvement determines the depth of understanding.

The reason I wake up at 4:00 AM

Running a company as a solo CEO while raising two children and writing on note every day—what makes this possible is my habit of "waking up at 4 a.m."

Before I had children, I used to wake up at 6 a.m. Once parenting started, it became 5 a.m., and now it is 4 a.m. Sometimes it is 3 a.m. What I am cutting back on is sleep.

When I wake up in the 4 a.m. hour, my family is still asleep. The rest of society hasn't woken up yet either. It is quiet, and my thinking becomes deeper. These two to three hours are the only time for me that is "truly my own time."

I brew coffee, write on note what I want to write for the day, read, and plan my business. Even if my younger child cries for milk, I handle that and then return to continue my work. Without this time, my daily life as a solo CEO would not be sustainable. If there is anyone who feels they "don't have time for themselves" during their parenting years, it might be a matter of the time of day. I want you to stop looking for it at night and try dedicating yourself entirely to the morning.

What I want to tell dads who are raising children is not to expect "free time at night." You often end up falling asleep while putting your children to bed, and trying to secure time for yourself at night makes the next morning difficult. If that is the case, it is less stressful to design your schedule from the start to "dedicate yourself entirely to the morning."

There is another benefit to switching to a morning-oriented lifestyle. You become able to live in the same rhythm as your children. Children naturally have a cycle of going to bed early at night and waking up early in the morning. When parents align with that rhythm, the quality of life for the entire family improves.

The Expiration Date of Family Trips

"Family trips have an expiration date"—this is a phrase I am often conscious of.

I believe the period when children are 0 to 6 years old is the golden age for experiential travel that parents can take them on. No matter where you take them, they say, "Wow!" They open their eyes wide at the vastness of the ocean they see for the first time. They get excited about the speed of the Shinkansen. They frolic while wearing yukata at a ryokan.
You can share many first-time experiences together.

Once they reach 7 to 12 years old, their sense of self develops further, and they show more independence. The desire to "choose for themselves" becomes stronger, and they prioritize time with friends. Based on my own experience, by age 13 and beyond, they will likely be at an age where they prefer time with friends over family trips.

In other words, the time you can travel innocently with your parents is shorter than you think.

Right now, in this moment while the children are small, going far away together, showing them new things, and sharing experiences—this is time that cannot be bought back later, no matter how much money you spend.

I have no intention of putting off "travel plans until things settle down a bit more." The number of family trips you can secure during your parenting years is fewer than you think.

When you think of parenting as a "business," this kind of time design also changes. This is because the criteria for prioritizing "things that can only be done now" rather than "doing it someday" become linked to the concept. Every business has its peak season. Like a product life cycle, there is always a cycle.

A week of continuous late-night responses

There are things I want to leave behind as a record.

There was a week where I had to deal with continuous late-night responses due to my younger child's cold. I was woken up many times in the middle of the night, repeating the cycle of milk, temperature checks, and holding them. My habit of waking up at 4 a.m. collapsed. Although I have become able to set my own schedule, even so, when I prioritize parenting, it causes trouble for my clients.

"I haven't been able to do the work I wanted to do at all, but I've been able to take good care of my family, so I'll call it a win."

That was a week where I told myself that.

I believe it is important to leave behind these kinds of realistic records. I want to leave behind records of parenting that include not just the "good scenes," but also the tough times, the things that didn't go well, and the events that weren't even funny. When the children grow up, what conveys "how hard their parents were trying at that time" is not a perfect photo, but a gritty, realistic record.

Human memory is not that reliable. Since having a child, I have come to realize how severe my own forgetfulness is. I forget things a second later. The moment I unlock my smartphone, I forget what I was going to make a note of—this has become a daily occurrence.

That is why I write on note every day. As a record of parenting, as a letter to my future self. And, assuming there will be a day when my children read it. I believe that a record showing that "my parents thought about me seriously and faced me every day" will be the greatest gift to my children.

The direction of the arrow for being a "good dad"

After being actively involved in parenting, I realized something one day.

I am not just raising a child. I am deepening the bond with my partner.

When our first child was born, I mistakenly thought that "my wife knows everything." How to bathe the baby, how to choose skincare, how to put the baby to sleep—I thought I would know if I asked my wife. But my wife was also full of "firsts." The start of parenting is the same for both of us.

I don't know either. Look it up on YouTube or study it yourself.

With these words, I was struck by a realization. That my "sense of ownership" was overwhelmingly lacking. And that I had forgotten that parenting is a business.

Children are not that complicated. Hungry, sleepy, want to play, want to be spoiled—basically, that is all. However, my wife is spending every day without rest doing childcare that requires immediate care while simultaneously carrying all of these: postpartum physical recovery, fatigue from childcare, thoughts about her own career, changes in the couple's relationship from boyfriend/girlfriend to husband/wife and then family, and a sense of isolation from society.

That is why I realized along the way that the arrow for being a "good dad" should be directed at my wife rather than the child.

Grasping my wife's condition. Anticipating what my wife needs. Creating time for my wife when she needs time alone. Listening properly when my wife wants to talk. The essence of parenting is not raising the child, but a team effort of how much the husband can care for his wife. There is no concept of achievement here; one can only devote oneself to it every day.

If this is done, love for the child will naturally reach them through the partner. "Parenting is not about taking care of the child, but mainly about care and consideration for the wife"—this is one of the most important answers I have found in my four years of parenting. Of course, I am still struggling, and I am not doing it perfectly at all.

The relationship between a couple before a child is born is just a "prologue." I believe that the true meaning of a couple's relationship is built after parenting begins.

Through parenting, each other's "true nature" comes out. Everything about how we have lived until now comes pouring out. When tired, when there is no room to spare, when not getting enough sleep—the weak parts of a person that are usually hidden come out. Myself, who relies on my partner more than I thought. My partner, who finds it more painful to be relied upon than I thought. The two of us, who have different upbringings and values than I thought—I end up facing all of these through parenting.

Do you take this as a "difference in values" or as a "chance to build a true bond"?

I think it is the latter. It was the same at work, and in life, everyone has many critical moments and multiple walls to overcome. There are times when you feel like giving up on building the relationship. However, each time, I try to return to the original feeling that "the person I must cherish most is my partner." I have the feeling that "the bond between husband and wife has deepened through parenting." Three years on a stone, as they say.

Parenting changed my work

I had always thought that "if you do parenting, your work time decreases, so your productivity drops."

It was the opposite.

Since I started parenting, my work productivity has increased. The reason is clear: "because I experience every day that time is finite."

When I was a company employee, I could manage my work by working overtime. There were many problems that could be solved with time. However, once I started parenting, I had to pick up my child, so an absolute deadline of 'I must finish by 5:00 PM today' occurred every day.

When there is a deadline, people get creative. Questions like 'Is this meeting really necessary?', 'Does this task need to be done today?', and 'Can I delegate this to someone?' arise naturally. As a result, the quality of my work improved.

I currently design my goals with a cap of about 120 working hours per month. By not forgetting the reason I started my business and by first setting the premise of 'not letting work expand indefinitely,' I naturally start thinking about 'how to achieve results within that framework.' This is the most practical work technique that parenting has taught me.

'By running another business called parenting, the resolution of how to use one's life increases'—what do I want to spend my time on, and what is truly important? This gradually becomes clear. When you can see what is important, it becomes easier to let go of what is not. I feel that through parenting, I have gained a 'freedom of choice' that I could not feel when I was a company employee.

What I learned from my father's back

My father was a man who worked for the same company for over 40 years. He was of the generation that embodied the working style of the Showa and Heisei eras. In my childhood memories, my father was a colorless and transparent presence on weekdays.

I never had deep conversations with my father about his views on work or life. We were not the kind of parent and child who talked about such things. But my father's 'way of life itself' was always within me.

Since I started parenting, those memories have come back to me more often.

When I go to pick up my child at the nursery, I think, 'My father hardly ever saw scenes like this.' When I am laughing with my child while taking a bath together, I realize, 'I have few memories of spending time like this with my father.'

I am not blaming my father.It was natural for men in their prime during that era to work hard for their families. It was an era when that was one correct answer.

However, I decided that I did not want to make the same choice of being devoted only to work in line with modern times. A family is a team effort. It was precisely because I grew up watching my father's back that I was able to set my own flag of 'prioritizing family time.' Perhaps what I received from my father was not a 'negative example,' but a 'basis for choosing a different path.'

Even if you don't talk about it, a parent's way of life is conveyed to their children. I am realizing this for the first time now that I have become a parent myself. That is why I write on note every day. To convey to my child when they grow up, 'This is what your father was thinking about while he lived.'

The answer I have reached at this point after four years

Four years have passed since I started parenting. To summarize in one word what I have seen by being actively involved in parenting: there are only three things necessary for parenting.

One is to have a concept and a vision. The second is to observe your child well and help them if they are in trouble. And finally, to view it as a chance to nurture the bond between husband and wife, who will be your deepest partners in life.

If these three things are in place, parenting changes from 'something difficult' to 'the ultimate entertainment.'

I used to like simulation games. When I was a company employee, I also liked management work. I liked raising people, too. Parenting fit perfectly with my characteristic of 'liking to nurture.'

What was surprising was that 'I didn't think I could enjoy parenting this much.' Before my child was born, I thought, 'Life is fun even without children, right?' However, once I actually started, I feel that there is no 'business' as interesting as this.

Why is it interesting?

Because the more you do it, the more you can do. And because the reactions of the child (the user) come back directly. The sense of accomplishment the moment you become good at bathing them, the reaction when the child is happy, the moment you laugh together—this is similar to the 'moment a customer is happy' at work.

Of course, I feel that this is not just about the child's growth, but undoubtedly about the growth of our household and our family as well.

I, who spent the first six months after starting my business raising a child with zero revenue while suffering from shingles, now feel that parenting is the richest time in life. This is my honest impression.

You don't have to try to be a perfect parent. You can fail every day, learn every day, and start over every day. What is important is to keep the will to grow together with your child.

Having said that, parenting is ultimately a process of letting go. Someday, children will leave their parents. They will become independent and live their own lives. That is precisely why this moment is so precious. How much time did you spend together before letting go? How much did you talk? How much did you laugh? How much did you face them with sincerity—I believe that is the true achievement of parenting.

I often keep the phrase "10 years of parenting" in mind. From age 0 to 10—I believe these 10 years are the most dense time in parenting. What they experienced during this period, what kind of environment they grew up in, and what kind of relationship they built with their parents—this forms the foundation of the child's personality. 10 years may seem long, but it is actually short. For me, several years have already passed since my oldest child was born before I knew it. "It went by in a flash" is a sentiment that seniors who have finished raising children always say.

Instead of thinking, "They are still small, so I'll think about the future someday," keep the awareness that "this very moment is the front line of parenting." Let's start parenting today so that 10 years from now, you can look back and say, "That time was the richest in my life."

Finally, I would like to ask you who read this.

Are you enjoying parenting?

Ichi Sanada