A story about a working mom who wasn't good at playing with her kids, but learned to enjoy her weekends

“When I was single, Sunday nights used to be depressing. Now, I feel relieved...”

Six months ago, on a Sunday night, my husband muttered this with a look of pure relief after we finally managed to get the kids to sleep. For once, I nodded along so vigorously I thought my neck might snap.

We laughed about how, while raising kids, Friday nights feel more depressing—a kind of 'reverse Sazae-san syndrome'.

To be honest, neither my husband nor I are very good at playing with children.

When we are at home, train and car toys pile up on the floor one after another. No matter how much I tidy up, it feels like pouring water into a bucket with holes in it—all my efforts are in vain. The brothers fight over their favorite train and scream and cry. Finally, the milk on the table gets knocked over by a two-year-old's hand and splashes all over the floor!!!

Grrr, grrr, grrr... (Hold it in, hold it in, me!)

Since there is no daycare on the weekends, I spend 24 hours a day with my sons. Perhaps that is why, when I am at home, I feel like I am constantly living on the edge of irritation.

Aren't holidays supposed to be 'days to rest'?They are harder than weekdays.

What did I do on Sundays when I was single?
I would sleep in, finally wake up around 10:00 AM, get ready slowly while watching Sunday Japon, and go to a hair salon in Omotesando after lunch. I would wander around shopping, and from the bright afternoon hours, I would chat with friends while drinking sparkling wine...

Who was it that said, 'You'll be happy when you have children'?

If I can't feel happy, does that mean I'm not a 'mother'?I thought that maternal instinct would naturally well up once I gave birth. I feel like my maternal instinct is a little lacking... I'm sorry, my sons.

When I thought about things like that, tears would sometimes stream down my face at night.

Not so much tears, but really like 'sweat coming out of my eyes.' My physical and mental strength were at their limit, and it felt like I was constantly being tested.
I thought that parenting was a form of ascetic training for me.

But you know, I recently noticed that there are more weekends where I can sincerely think, 'Ah, today was a fun day,' for some reason.

It started with the trend of staying home.
Since we couldn't go anywhere, I would walk slowly around the neighborhood with my sons, or try cycling to a park further away.

And then, I was able to find many things I hadn't noticed before.

For example, the tree frog we found on a rainy day.
I thought the rain was a nuisance, but my sons were more excited than they would have been on a sunny day.I learned that you can enjoy yourself even in the rain.

The swallowtail butterfly we found on our walk.
My son caught a butterfly for the first time and said happily, 'I can touch it!' If we hadn't been walking slowly, I surely would have missed it.

A honeybee landing on a strawberry flower.
It looks so cute when you see it like this.My sons staring intently at it were even cuter.

A large dragonfly perched on the wall.
My eldest son didn't have the courage to touch it, so when he said, 'Mom, you touch it!' and I tried to catch it, it flew away. Ugh. For some reason, I felt frustrated.

When I was in elementary school, I loved catching bugs, and when I catch bugs with my sons, it feels like those fun memories come back to life.

I also realized that if I look around my neighborhood, there are fun events being held. Last week, we went potato digging.

The four of us in the family dug up potatoes like we were hunting for treasure. I learned that potatoes aren't roots, but 'stems.' And they aren't related to sweet potatoes, but to 'tomatoes'!I've lived for over 30 years and learned that for the first time.

Kita-akari potatoes and some red potatoes I'd never seen before! As soon as we got home, we fried them in olive oil. Along with some rosemary we picked from the garden.

Sunday night, as we were about to end a whirlwind weekend with the kids.
The sparkling wine I drank slowly with my husband while snacking on these homemade french fries was delicious.It tasted better than the wine I drank at fancy restaurants when I was single.

That night, just before we went to sleep, my husband said this to me.

'We're tired, but it was a good kind of tired, wasn't it?'

Yeah, that's right. My body is tired, but my heart feels full for some reason, to the point where I can even feel the lingering joy. What's the reason for that?

It's because I had fun myself, isn't it?

My kids look at, touch, and squeal with delight at things like frogs and butterflies—things that are ordinary to me. Seeing them encounter these 'firsts' was a very happy moment for me.

I get to keep watching the 'firsts' of the people I love most.
That's what raising children is!

To be sure, there are plenty of days when I get frustrated (laughs).
I also feel that by being with my sons, I am getting to have many first-time experiences myself.

Today, my eldest son came home proudly saying he was the only one in his nursery school class who could touch a crab. Come to think of it, we caught crabs together the other day.

The day after tomorrow is Saturday again.
What shall we do? Where shall we go? I wonder if it will be sunny.
The one most excited in the family is surely me.

Tomomi Komoriya
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