10 Years of Change and Weight

Reflecting on the inner beauty seminar that ended with great success last month,
various thoughts have welled up.

It is truly a sensation overflowing from my memories and my heart.

Nine years ago, despite being pregnant,
I started steroid withdrawal treatment almost impulsively.

(Commonly known as 'datsu-sute': stopping all medication to flush steroids from the body.)

At the time, I lived in Mito City, Ibaraki Prefecture, so
I visited the clinic of Dr. Honma,
a famous natural-medicine doctor I could reach by car in about an hour.

He told me, 'Steroid withdrawal is truly grueling, so'
you should take this home and consult with your family before deciding whether to do it.'
Even though I wondered '?', my mind was already made up.

However, once I actually started, it was many times more grueling than I had imagined.

Dr. Honma's philosophy is 'steroid withdrawal equals moisture withdrawal,' so I stopped all moisturizing as well.
(There are various methods and policies even within steroid withdrawal.)

That meant I couldn't take baths.

The hot water would strip away moisture,
and the dryness after bathing would cause itching that made me feel like I was going crazy.

In my case,
the redness and itching that emerged as a reaction were concentrated on my face and neck,
(for some reason, they barely appeared on my limbs, back, or stomach),
so it was impossible to hide, which made going outside difficult,
and the skin on my neck was so painful that I couldn't even turn my head without moving my whole body.

Every night I was so itchy, so itchy, that I would scratch myself while sleeping,
and when I woke up in the morning, my fingernails were covered in blood,
and bits of scabs were scattered all over the sheets.

Because I couldn't sleep at night, I couldn't wake up at all in the morning,
so my husband at the time would wake up, start the laundry, hang up the cloth diapers,
and feed our two-year-old son before heading off to work every single day.

Recently,
'Do you remember how you used to have such a sad look on your face when you woke up and saw the scabs scattered around back then? I didn't want you to have to see that, so I would vacuum them up before you woke up,' he told me, and I burst into tears.

I am tearing up even as I write this now.

The hardest part during steroid withdrawal was that
'No one knows if this is the mild stage and it will get worse from here,
or if this is the severe stage and it will get better from here.
No one knows what stage of the climb I am at.'

But I think my husband, who was watching over me, must have also been going through a lot.

What is amazing is that while I was practically dying,
(I was pregnant, lol, and my son was at a demanding age, lol,
it is definitely not something one should ever undertake during pregnancy),
he never once denied what I was doing.

I don't think that's something many people could do.

(In fact, relationships between spouses or with grandparents can become strained over a child's steroid withdrawal.)

And, as if he were looking 10 years ahead—that is, to now—
'This experience will definitely be useful to someone, so take pictures and keep a record,' he said to me many times.

(However, I couldn't take any photos at all,
so only the photo on my driver's license remains)

My daughter, who was in my womb at the time, will turn nine next month.

We really did a great job making it this far!!!