I've dated 150 people and only been with those I've dated—here's my take on 'checking sexual compatibility' 💕
This post popped up on my Threads feed.
“For those who think it's necessary to check sexual compatibility before dating, do you just fade out if the chemistry is bad?”
The moment I read that, here's what I thought.
First of all, what even is 'sexual compatibility'??? 😅
Today, I, Chi, who has been on dates with over 150 people, am going to be brutally honest about this 'sexual compatibility' issue✨
💕 I've dated 150 people and only been with those I've dated. That's my style.
Let me be clear.
I've only ever been with people I've dated. I've been on dates with over 150 people, but not with all of them (lol). 😜
Until I got my first real boyfriend at 20, I seriously believed, 'I won't do it until I'm married.' Maybe my mother, who grew up in an all-girls school, really drilled that into me (lol).
I had boyfriends in my teens, but they didn't last long, and we didn't even kiss, so I don't count them (lol).
I dated my first boyfriend for five years and we were even engaged. I gave the green light because I was convinced, 'I'm going to marry this person.' Well, the engagement was called off, though (lol).
Even after that, I went on dates with 150 people, but of course, I didn't do it before we started dating, and not even right after we started. I probably waited about three months.
After my divorce, I was an adult, and I had absolute confidence in my judgment, so I felt it was okay once we started dating.
But regardless, my stance has never changed: I only give the green light when I'm convinced that 'this person loves me and will never betray me.'
🔍 The result—I've never been treated coldly or dumped
Did you think, 'Does that approach actually work?'
It does. It always has. 😌
I've never once been told 'goodbye' after becoming intimate with someone I started dating. I've never had someone turn cold, stop treating me well, or stop showing me affection.
That's why I believe my way is the right way.
I mean, you hear it all the time, right?
'I slept with them before dating and got dumped.'
'I slept with them after we started dating and they suddenly turned cold.'
That has never happened to me.
Why, you ask?
Because I vet them properly before my judgment gets clouded.
😅 First of all, what even is 'checking physical compatibility'?
Let's get back to the main point here.
The phrase 'checking physical compatibility' doesn't really make sense to me.
Because physical compatibility isn't about technique, is it? It's about emotions.
What you feel is emotion, not technique.
You feel happy when you're touched by someone you love, and no matter how 'skilled' someone is, if you don't love them, you won't feel anything, right?
I said as much in my conversation with A—
'I can love someone even if it's not incredibly pleasurable. Those two things just aren't connected for me.'
It's better if it feels good, sure, but that's just a lucky bonus if it happens.
Emotions come first, and physical compatibility follows.
That is my conclusion.
🥰 'Bad at it because they treat you carelessly' is out of the question. 'Clumsy but considerate' is endearing.
However, there is one thing I won't compromise on.
Being bad at it because they treat you carelessly is out of the question.
That is something I absolutely cannot accept.
But—
If they are clumsy but considerate, that's endearing.
Do you see the difference?
It's not about technique, it's aboutwhether they are considerate or not.
If you truly care about someone, you'll give it your all even if you're not great at it, right?
Because that effort comes through, it makes them endearing.
Conversely, no matter how 'good' someone is, if I feel like I'm being treated carelessly, it's not pleasant at all. In fact, it's off-putting.
That's why 'checking sexual compatibility' is unnecessary.
The only thing you need to check is whether they have consideration for you.
😤 To those who have sex before dating and then get dumped: your judgment is poor, and you're giving yourself away too easily.
I'm going to say something a bit harsh now.
People who say they 'want to check sexual compatibility' are, to be honest—
just saying they want to have a physical relationship with that level of commitment.
Is there any love there?? (lol) 😅
And for those who have been dumped after having sex before dating:
I think the other person was at fault, but—
I also think your judgment was a bit naive.
Were you certain that 'this person would never betray me'?
Did they show you through their actions that 'this person loves me'?
Didn't you just go along with the flow and say yes before properly vetting them?
You can wait to give yourself to someone until trust has been built up. There's no need to rush.
💌 Is there any love there?——I only do it with people who are considerate
Let me summarize.
The idea that 'you have to check sexual compatibility first' is something I don't understand at all.
Fading out if the compatibility is bad—
isn't it strange to have a physical relationship with that kind of mindset?
I've always stuck to this stance.
I only do it with people I'm dating. And not right after we start dating, either.
I only give the green light once I'm convinced that 'this person will never betray me.'
As a result—I have never once been treated coldly or dumped.
Emotions come first, and physical compatibility follows later.
If there is consideration, even if they're clumsy, it's still endearing.
If you're going to be treated poorly, there's no need to do it at all.
This is the Chii-style. Your body is worth more than you think. Please cherish it. 💕
💌 Chii's 'Self-Respect' Homework
Ask yourself today:
'Am I allowing myself to be intimate only after I've properly vetted this person?'
'I might like them' and 'They will never betray me' are completely different things.
Before you say yes just because of the flow of the moment, try stopping for a second.
Just doing that will ensure that only the people who truly cherish you will remain.
🐾✨ If you want to talk more, feel free to DM me on Instagram! 😜💕
From Chii 💌
💕 Next Preview
'I just can't forget my ex... For those of you feeling this way, I'll teach you the Chii-style mindset to cleanly end a heartbreak.'
The theory that the guys you're hung up on are all losers anyway (lol).
'If you've done what you can and it didn't work out, that's their problem.'
—I'll tell you everything about why this one phrase made me stop being hung up on guys.
Look forward to the next one! 💕
My days with my final boss (partner) have been completely different from the 'just being doted on' relationships I had before.
But that is exactly why I have found 'true peace of mind.' I talk about the grittier, deeper truths of 'how to love, how to be chosen, and how to choose' that I can't write about on note in my community.
If you are serious about meeting the 'final boss' of your life, the entrance is here.
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