When your past self comes back to haunt you

The true nature of a small sense of unease

Have you ever had a moment where a past version of yourself comes back like a reflection in a mirror due to some trivial event?

The other day, when I overheard acquaintances talking about a fellow musician in front of me, I felt a sense of discomfort, thinking, "Wait a minute?"

They had previously said things that belittled that person, but now they were projecting an air of, "We're actually very close."

Of course, human relationships change, and it is up to everyone to decide who they associate with and how.
Perhaps I felt unsettled precisely because I trust that musician myself.

"Why am I feeling so uneasy about this?"

Suddenly, that question popped into my mind.

Who you are close to is such a trivial thing

Since they are neither lovers nor spouses, who is close to whom shouldn't really be something to worry about.

Even so, when I sense a nuance that seems to say, "I'm closer to them now," it can make my heart feel unsettled.

It was surprising even to me that I would feel this way.

I want to be someone who can celebrate success, but

I believe that whether or not someone gets an opportunity to perform or is successful depends on their own efforts and the whims of fate.
That is why I want to be someone who can genuinely be happy for and support a friend who has received a big opportunity.

But looking back at my student days, there were people who treated those who achieved results or were favored by teachers as if they didn't exist...

And that hasn't changed even now, more than 15 years after leaving university. Having recently encountered that reality is what prompted me to write this article.

Wait? Could this be...?

In the midst of all this, I suddenly thought today:

"Have I really never done something like that myself?"

When someone was belittling a musician friend I trust,
perhaps I might have thought to myself, "But I'm closer to them."

And the reason I felt bad about the "one-upmanship"-like words someone else let out
might actually be because I had similar feelings within myself—

It's embarrassing, but I'm glad I realized it

Once I realized it, I apologized in my heart, shouting, "I'm so sorry!!!"

When I learned that an event I thought was "unpleasant"
was actually something "I might have done to someone else too,"
I feel like I was able to look at myself a little more closely.

Although I felt bad, I couldn't bring myself to blame them.
I wanted to affirm, even if just a little, the version of myself that was able to realize this.

Opportunities go to those who can celebrate others

And there is one more thing I have been thinking about a lot lately.

The attitude of being jealous of friends who have seized opportunities, ignoring them, or acting as if they don't exist,
will surely come back to haunt you somewhere.

If you feel frustrated, it is much healthier and more positive to turn that energy into effort.

Being near someone who has caught a lucky break might be a sign that your turn is coming soon.

I believe the god of opportunity likes people who can support the success of others.

✍️Postscript

When your heart feels unsettled, before blaming the other person,

try asking yourself, "Haven't I done this too?"

It was a day where I felt a little proud of myself for being able to do that.

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