Why "Resilient Kids" Are Stronger in Society Than University of Tokyo Students

Hello. I am a current teacher.

Today, I would like to talk about a slightly challenging topic.

Many people still seem to think that "if you get into the University of Tokyo, your life is set."

Of course, the effort required to pass the entrance exam for the University of Tokyo is wonderful.
There is no doubt about that.

However, from my position as a teacher who has watched many graduates over the years, I can state one thing with certainty.

The ones who are "strong" after entering society are not the kids with high deviation scores, but the "resilient kids."

What does "resilient" mean?

The "resilient" I am talking about here is not about grit or willpower.

A resilient kid is a child like this.

A child who, after falling down, gets back up after a while as if nothing happened.
A child who, when encountering unreasonable events, can brush them off by saying, "Well, it can't be helped."
A child who does not get overly swayed by the evaluations of others and maintains their own pace.

In a word, it is a child who possesses "unbreakable flexibility."

Like bamboo, they bend when a strong wind blows and return to their original state.
Children who are as hard as iron will snap when a force beyond a certain point is applied.
But children who are as supple as bamboo can withstand any wind.

The "fragility" of high deviation scores

I will tell you a slightly harsh reality.

As a teacher at a preparatory school, it is not rare for me to meet students who have "high deviation scores but are very fragile at heart."

A child who has always been expected to be "number one" since elementary school.
A child who, after getting a 95 on a test, was told, "You could have gotten the other 5 points, right?"
A child who has grown up in an atmosphere where "failure is not allowed."

These children are certainly good at studying.
However, their ability to cope in "situations that do not go as planned" can be extremely weak.

When they meet someone "better than themselves" for the first time after entering university.
When they get a job and are scolded by an unreasonable boss.
When they face a result where their efforts are not rewarded.

I often hear from fellow teachers about young people who suddenly become unable to move in these situations.

It is not because they lack ability.
It is because they never had the opportunity to practice "how to recover from failure."

The Invisible Power Called "Resilience"

In the world of psychology, this "ability to bounce back from adversity" is called "resilience."

People with high resilience do not blame themselves more than necessary when they fail.
They can look forward, thinking, "It didn't go well. So, what should I do next?"

And this resilience is not an innate talent, but something that can be cultivated after birth.

How do you cultivate it?

The answer is simple.

It is to "let them experience many small failures."

The exam period is the best opportunity to train "tenacity"

For a child, taking entrance exams is the first major pressure they face in life.

Getting an E-grade on a mock exam.
Not being able to solve a problem you thought you could.
Feeling like you've been left behind because your friends passed first.

These are all painful experiences.

But here is the point.
These "painful experiences" are the best training menu for building tenacity.

The important thing is not to "avoid" painful experiences, but to let the child experience the "process of overcoming" them.

How parents can "cultivate tenacity"

Specifically, how should parents get involved? I will share three perspectives.

<Perspective 1> Praise the "process," not the "result"

Instead of "You got 100 points, amazing!" say,
"You worked steadily every day. I think that effort is amazing."

If you praise the result, the child feels, "I won't be accepted unless I produce results."
If you praise the process, the child feels, "There is value in the effort itself."

A child who can affirm their "self that made an effort" even when they fail can stand up again and again.

<Perspective 2> Parents should talk about their own "failure episodes"

"I also failed an exam when I was a student."
"I also got rejected by 10 companies during job hunting before I joined my current company."

By sharing their own experiences of failure, parents can help their children feel firsthand that "life doesn't end just because you fail."

There is no need to be a perfect parent.
In fact, showing your imperfect self is what lightens a child's heart.

<Perspective 3> Acknowledge the "time it takes to bounce back"

When a child is feeling down because of a bad test score, immediately encouraging them by saying, "You'll do better next time!" is actually not very effective.

Children need time to process their sadness.

First, empathize with their feelings by saying, "That's frustrating, isn't it?" or "That must have been hard."
Then, wait for the child to get back up on their own.

This "waiting time" is the most important time for cultivating resilience.

Conclusion

The ultimate goal of entrance exams is not just to get into your desired school.

It is to acquire the strength to bounce back when facing a "reality that doesn't go as planned"—in other words, tenacity.

With this strength, no matter which school they go to or what job they get, this child will be fine.

Academic deviation scores lose their meaning the moment you graduate.
However, tenacity will protect that child for their entire life.

If your child is feeling down about something today, instead of encouraging them immediately, sit next to them and be silent together.
Just by doing that, the seeds of tenacity will surely sprout.

Tomorrow, I will talk about "the one thing parents should do when their child can't keep up with cram school homework."

Your support through "likes" and "follows" is a great encouragement to me.