Working Mom: Do I have stamina? Or not? Which is it?

To be honest,
I don't think I'm the type who has a lot of stamina.

I didn't play sports in school, and I don't have any particular exercise habits now, either.

So, the awareness that "I don't have any stamina"
has always been there.

But on the other hand,
I work almost full-time on weekdays,
send my elementary schooler off in the morning,
and do the daycare drop-off and pick-up every day.

When I list it out like this,
a part of me thinks,
"Wait, if I'm managing all that normally,
don't I actually have stamina?"

But the reality is, I'm usually wiped out on the weekends.

Maybe I really don't have stamina,
no, but then what is it that I'm doing on weekdays,
I've been going around in circles
thinking about things like that.

Which is it, me?
No, seriously, which is it?



I felt this sensation more strongly
when I was in my previous department.

I was surrounded by
an environment of only so-called single men.

The sense they had of
"You can handle at least this much physically, right?"
and my own sense
just wouldn't align.

I understand that their way of doing things
has value as a business practice.
It might even be rational.

But even though we were using the same word "stamina,"
I felt like our premises were too different.
I am moving every day


while managing my HP until I get home safely.There are events along the way that significantly drain it,
and recovery points are limited.

So, every time I was told,
"You can still do more, right?"

I would mutter quietly in my heart.
No,
that's not my gauge you're talking about.

Recently,
I feel like I'm finally able to put it into words.



Perhaps I didn't lack stamina.
It was just that what we were looking at was different.

Even with the same word "stamina,"
the power to keep outputting endlessly and the power to

finish the race while rationing limited energy

are slightly different types.
The gap I felt in my previous department
was probably right here.
We were talking under the assumption that we were in the same competition,
but we were actually playing different sports to begin with.

That's why now, I feel a little uncomfortable
simply stating "I don't have stamina."

Of course, there are parts where I am lacking.
But at the same time,



there is also a version of me that manages to get through every day
using a different kind of stamina.
When I think of it that way,

I feel like I can finally make sense of

this circular feeling.

Well,
I'm still wiped out on the weekends, though.

▶︎ My mind is running at full capacity