Sorry, and Love, and Akina, and Me,

Putting aside the things I have to do, I am writing this while it's still fresh, with an immense amount of love.

Today is the release day of Akina's (I'm intentionally omitting the honorific) new song, "Sorry, and Love, and.". It seems to be her first new song release in 10 years. To be honest, I knew of its existence because I had heard "Casablanca" on WBS, but "Sorry, and Love, and." was completely off my radar. How careless of me. It appeared in my YouTube recommendations (thank you, algorithm), and when I listened to it, I was already in tears from the very first line.

There was a time when I worried about Akina's health, and I wished that if she wanted to sing but couldn't, she would just live her life at her own pace somewhere, and that would be enough to make me happy. There are many Akina fans in my circle, and my friends in Nichome would say the same thing when they sang her songs at karaoke or when the topic of Akina came up.

But in recent years, Akina has returned to us.

People inevitably age, so their singing style changes over time. That's true for everyone. Akina's singing voice, too, has changed from what I heard when I was a child—and I don't mean that in a bad way.

But even though she must have faced various hardships, the Akina who is strong-willed yet kind, a bit modest, and prone to nervousness, hasn't changed then or now.

That made me happy. This is a bit of a digression (sorry, as always), but I didn't notice it at the time, but I discovered on YouTube that when other singers were performing their new songs on music shows, Akina would be humming along behind them, even though she had surely just learned the song. And when Satomi Fukunaga, whom I loved as an elementary school student, was singing her first solo on Yoru no Hit Parade, I saw Akina, who was standing next to her—likely nervous herself—quietly and kindly sending her something like encouragement without any performance. I thought, "Wow, this person is amazing" (← that is my voice from the heart).

Back to the topic, "Sorry, and Love, and." feels different from the Akina who used to captivate fans by making full use of her techniques; it feels like she isn't putting any pressure on herself (though I'm sure she's nervous), and it feels like she is singing just to me.

I had thought I wanted her to just live peacefully somewhere, but deep down, I was waiting for her after all. Honestly, after going through a period where I wondered if she was pushing herself too hard after her comeback, I finally arrived at this song.

This is about me, but since I lost my health, I haven't been able to move forward very well. Or rather, I am moving forward, but I can't seem to find confidence. But, though it might sound like an exaggeration, today, I felt like Akina gave me something like a "path of light." That even though hardships will continue, there is surely a place beyond them where I can find peace.

The frequency of my note updates has increased, and I often write about self-disclosure, and every time I do, I still feel embarrassed. When I write, I sometimes end up trying to sound sophisticated and embellishing my expressions, but I often feel like I'm pulling something out from deep within my heart. Unlike a diary, it's published to the world (an exaggeration), so even though I chose to write it myself and am using my own words, I still feel exposed and embarrassed. Even now.

In such a moment, I will listen to "Sorry, and Love, and.", which somehow wraps me in its embrace, one more time, calm my heart, blow away the embarrassment for now, and start July with a smile.

May today and tomorrow be good days.