vol.82 Moral Harassment Husband Edition [Sobbing and Bouquets] From Endurance to Depression - A Memoir-like Record -

Novel (Fiction)⤵️

👓 Intracerebral Hemorrhage

I received a call from my daughter's kindergarten saying, 'She says her head hurts, so please come pick her up.'
I spoke to my daughter, who was lying down, saying, 'We're going home, wake up,' but she wouldn't open her eyes.
While saying, 'Stop fooling around,'I tried to lift her body, but she was just limp.
The teacher also realized something was wrong and called an ambulance.
She had an intracerebral hemorrhage, and cerebrospinal fluid was accumulating in the ventricles, compressing her brain, resulting in hydrocephalus.
Emergency surgery the next morning.
I was very busy listening to explanations, making decisions, and signing forms.
My husband, H, was sobbing on a bench in the hallway.
My mother-in-law looked at me, who wasn't crying, and said with cold eyes, 'H is such a kind child...'
If both husband and wife were crying, who would be left to talk to the doctor?
Seeing H, who usually doesn't participate in child-rearing, crying without caring who was watching, I felt something inside me go cold.

👓 Attending

At that time, it was taken for granted that someone would attend 24 hours a day(a housekeeper was also acceptable).
I attended to my daughter in her coma during the day, and H attended at night.
It was the first time I was able to leave my son with my in-laws.After H finished work, he would go home once, bring dinner for two made by my mother-in-law, and come to the hospital room by car.
We would eat in the room, and I would take the containers home, wash them, and return them to my mother-in-law.
I would bathe, sleep, wake up early, do laundry, take care of the dog, and then head to the hospital by bicycle.
In exchange, H would go back to his parents' house, have a warm breakfast, and then go to work.
One day,
'Your husband is fast asleep every night, and he doesn't wake up during night rounds or early morning temperature checks.'I was told by a nurse.
I thought with a hazy head that H staying over just meant extra rental bed costs.

👓 Hospital Life

My daughter miraculously woke up from her coma and was out of danger, but her consciousness was not clear.
A drain to discharge cerebrospinal fluid from her head, an IVH near her collarbone, an IV in her arm, a balloon catheter for urination, tracheal intubation, an ECG on her chest, a pulse oximeter on her fingers...
Sometimes she would try to pull out the tubes as if she were delirious, so I couldn't take my eyes off her for a moment.
I even asked them to restrain her hands because I was so exhausted.
She also fell into a life-threatening situation again due to disseminated intravascular coagulation (DIC; a condition where blood clots easily or flows without stopping due to infection).H stayed in the hospital room every night, so
he gained a reputation within the hospital as a 'devoted father who attends even though he has work.'(even though he was fast asleep).
During the day, I handled rounds, urine measurement, temperature checks, monitoring IVs (I was instructed by nurses to stop the antibiotic drip halfway, etc.I can't believe it now), helping with changing clothes and wiping her down...
H didn't know how busy the daytime was.

👓 Bouquet

My daughter's consciousness returned significantly, and sheunderwent VP shunt surgery (passing a catheter from the head to the abdominal cavity to drain cerebrospinal fluid into the abdomen).The IVH, tracheal intubation, and balloon catheter were also removed.
Around the time she started eating by mouth and making sounds, my birthday arrived.
I spent the day busy as usual, and I was exhausted, hungry, and tired, but H, who was supposed to relieve me, was late.
When he finally arrived, he said, 'Asako (pseudonym, my name), happy birthday,' and was holding a large bouquet of pink
tulips.The nurses were praising him, saying
'Beautiful,' 'What a wonderful husband,'so he looked happy.There was no vase.
Yumi was in a private room, but
there were so many machines, medicines, and hygiene supplies that even if there were a vase, there was no space to put it.If I could put it somewhere,
I would have to change the water every day. Fresh flowers in Yumi's room, where infection control is necessary...If I didn't show joy, I would be ignored or face a backlash. I said with my mouth, 'Thank you. They're cute. I'm happy,' but I was only confused.
What I wanted was not a bouquet, but
sufficient food, rest, and sleep.
I wanted him to create time for me to be away from the hospital for justone day, time to see my son's face.
This would never be understood by H, who slept soundly at night.Because he thinks of himself as a 'good husband who attends even though he has work.'

👓 Discharge

It is hard to believe now, but even at hospitals with neurosurgery departments, only a limited number had MRI machines.
The hospital where she was admitted was in Nishinomiya, Hyogo Prefecture, but for the MRI scan before discharge, we had to go to Takarazuka City Hospital or Itami City Hospital.
The sound was quite loud, enough to traumatize even an adult, and it was certainly not something a kindergartner could endure.
We tried several times, but in the end, we had to use a sedative to put her to sleep.
Once discharge was approved, we somehow made it in time for both the graduation ceremony and the entrance ceremony
. The MRI technology at the time was not very precise, and even the doctors could not have predicted that it would recur four years later

👓 Shaved Head

Since she had to undergo repeated head surgeries, she was naturally left with a shaved head.
It is a relief that my daughter herself did not mind it much.
To protect her head, I tied a bandana around it like a pirate every morning.
Although she had been of average build and active, she stopped growing taller, became skinny, and grew clumsy.
H, who had been so eager to show off our daughter when she was a baby, started paying attention only to our son.
Is he embarrassed that his own child is shaved-headed and skinny?

👓 Son

My son, who could not suck milk from a bottle and was slow to develop, had no cause found even during his examination admission.
Although the doctor told me it was absolutely impossible and tried to stop me, I fed him milk with a spoon and started baby food early.
He was an unusually restless child with strong fixations, yet at the same time, he was nervous and prone to hyper-focus.
Once he could walk, he would let go of the hand I was holding to switch the bag he was carrying, and in that split second of a second or two, he would vanish from my sight.
As he grew older and we started going to leisure facilities and the like, I lost count of how many times they had to make announcements for a lost child
Before he was two, he was able to complete a 100-piece puzzle on his own.
Without me ever teaching him, he naturally learned Hiragana and Katakana just from me reading picture books to him.
He would take his time folding his pajamas along the seams.
He was full of curiosity and would touch everything.
H had been taking our son around instead of our daughter, but when his restlessness became unmanageable, "Asako's discipline is bad," "Make him behave," "He doesn't have the Maeda (pseudonym) bloodline" he started saying.

👓 Missed Abortion

I wanted four children if possible, or at least three.
My next pregnancy after my son ended in a missed abortion at five months, and I gave birth to a baby boy who had already passed away.
I was in a four-person room with people overflowing with the joy of childbirth.
H attended the cremation of the stillborn baby all by himself.
"At the crematorium, they asked me, 'Didn't you bring any flowers?'" he said with a laugh.
I never even got to see this baby once

👓 Second Son

My second son was born eight years apart from my daughter and six years apart from my eldest son
.
Perhaps because there was a bit of an age gap, he was cherished by everyone.
My daughter took care of him as if she were his mother.My eldest son also
"Babies' job is to cry, right? They are trying to tell us something, aren't they, Mom?" he said, cherishing him.
Unlike my skinny daughter and eldest son, he was a chubby, good-natured baby.
Actually, in the early stages of my pregnancy, I was hit with a double punch of morning sickness and the flu.
The doctor told me that if I lost any more weight, I would need an IV drip.
It hindered my housework and childcare, but my parents-in-law told me, "Pregnancy is not an illness" (which is a fair point).
H could not take time off work, so he would come home at night having bought meals for the three of them—the two children and himself.
I had no appetite and was just vomiting, but what on earth was I supposed to eat?
When the children finished eating, "Clean up quickly and go rest," H would say.(He did not say, "You don't have to clean up.")
I suppose he thought he was being kind and considerate.
Right around this time, "My old man told me that Asa-chan has a body that gets pregnant easily, so be careful," H told me.
While I felt deeply disgusted by my father-in-law, I also doubted H's lack of consideration for telling me that directly.

Continued in vol.83

I am writing something like this⤵️

It is being updated as needed⤵️

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