[Novel 4] Asako, If You're Going to Run, Now's the Time!! ~Independence~

All episodes included⤵️

Prequel/Original Draft (Non-fiction)⤵️

4. Independence

My husband still goes on many business trips even after quitting his company.
My 25-year-old daughter, Yumi, has been paying Asako back for her junior college entrance and tuition fees out of her modest salary.
Even though I told her it wasn't necessary because she received a grant-type scholarship from the school, she wouldn't listen.
Since she started working, she has been contributing 50,000 yen every month.
She doesn't waste money on fashion or makeup, so it doesn't seem to be a burden.
I was surprised when my son, Shu, said he wanted to go to a vocational school for voice acting.
When I asked him, 'Wouldn't it be better to go after graduating from university?' intending to test if he was willing to go even if he had to persuade me, he changed his career path to university.
I had secretly planned to persuade my husband if he was serious.
In the end, he couldn't advance to his third year of university, repeating a year, taking a leave of absence, returning, and then dropping out.
If he was going to drop out, he shouldn't have returned in the first place.
Would he have been able to graduate if he had gone to a vocational school instead of university?
It's admirable that he's kept up the part-time job he's had since he was a student, but I wish he would just find a proper job already.
My youngest, Susumu, seems to be told by his homeroom teacher, 'Please, I beg you, take the entrance exam for a national or public university.'
He doesn't seem to think much of it, and since he's only in his second year, I don't know what will happen, but as a parent, it makes me happy.

My husband asserted, 'Our family's life is no different from when I was a company employee.'
He was often away, so he couldn't even consult on the children's career paths.
Even if he were still working at a company, I don't know if he would have offered any advice anyway.
He used to say, 'Because it's a family business, I'm not evaluated fairly.'
When the president's son joined the company, my husband taught him as his mentor.
When he was promoted to executive director in his second year despite being unable to do his job properly, my husband muttered, 'He's highly paid despite not being able to do the work.'
Asako thinks, 'Endurance is part of the salary.'
The benefits of being a salaryman are immeasurable.
Transportation and accommodation expenses are covered, and you even get a business trip allowance separate from your monthly salary.
Because it's social insurance, the company pays half of the premiums.
The company even handles the year-end tax adjustment.
And look at this, with self-employment, everything is out of pocket.
Does my husband, who has a weak sense of economics, even understand that?

The deposit for living expenses from my husband is late.
When he was a company employee, he would deposit it from his business trip destination on the 25th of every month.
He makes excuses like, 'There are no banks near the hotel' or 'I was at a client's house for too long and couldn't make it to the ATM.'
When my husband came home, I gathered my courage and asked him.
'There have been times in the last few months where the deposit was made the following month, right?'
'There are payments I have to make by the end of the month, so it would be helpful if you could deposit it on the 25th as usual.'
'It's decided that the deposit from the department store is on the 10th of the following month, isn't it?'
Asako doesn't understand what he means.
'When you quit your company, you said our family's life wouldn't change at all, didn't you?'
'Why are you bringing up such old stories? It's common sense that department stores pay on the 10th.'
He quit his company five years ago.
It's certainly not recent.
Does that mean old stories are invalid?
I've only ever shopped and eaten at department stores.
There's no way I would know that payments from department stores to business partners have a deadline of the 10th of the following month.
When did that become common sense?

When we were newlyweds, we used to say things like, 'Once the children are grown, let's travel together' and 'When we die, we'll go together.'
Once the children were born, how many times have I heard my husband say, 'If only we didn't have children'?
Emotionally, I have long since become independent from my husband.
But I feel like emotional independence isn't enough.
Even now, I am careful not to complain or speak ill of their father to the children.
Even so, the uneasy atmosphere must be reaching the children.
Even Susumu, the youngest who is much younger than the others, asks, 'Mom, why don't you get a divorce?'
Even though Susumu is the one most loved by his father among the three.

'Mama-sa, over here, over here.'
I started meeting up with Yumi after she finished work to go to concerts and movies.
I prepare dinner for Shu and Susumu, and leave dinner and a note for my husband before I go out when he returns home.
I eat out with Yumi before or after the concerts and movies.
Even though I'm a full-time housewife, I act as my husband's subcontractor, relaying his work messages and packing products he's requested.
I feel tense when my husband is at home.
A night out with Yumi is probably within the realm of a healthy break.

My husband has long disliked having coins pile up in his wallet, so he would jingle them into an empty cookie tin.
'When we have enough, let's go out to eat or take a family trip.'
I feel sorry for him, but I don't think anyone would be happy even if invited.
I was called by Shu, 'Mom, Mom.'
Come to think of it, when was the last time I saw Shu and his father talking?
That month, the living expenses from my husband were late again.
I had no choice but to use the contents of the cookie tin, but I was surprised when I picked it up.
It's too light.
I was even more surprised when I opened it.
There were only a few things that looked like game coins.
Thinking 'Could it be,' I hurriedly opened the closet drawer.
'I knew it...'
The envelope had become completely thin.
It was the celebratory money my father had generously given for his grandchildren.
It was a mistake to leave it with my husband because the amount was large.
Come to think of it, an envelope from a credit card company stamped 'Personal' arrived for my husband last week, but what could that be?
Is my husband's work not going well?
Is he unable to say anything because he quit his company against everyone's opposition?

I decided to pretend I hadn't noticed anything.
I will treat him as normally as possible.
Until now, it was an effort, but from now on, it's acting.
If he opens up to me, asks for help, or apologizes, I will say, 'Let's have a discussion this time.'
Just in case, Asako has been 'pretend saving.'
I'm keeping it a secret from my husband, but I haven't done anything guilty or underhanded.
I diligently went through the procedures for money I could receive if I applied, without being lazy.
After we got rid of the car, I saved money intending to pay for vehicle inspections, parking fees, insurance premiums, and taxes.
I haven't touched a single yen of the money from Yumi.

How reassuring that 'pretend savings' I've built up little by little is now.
But I must not let my guard down.
Susumu's university entrance is still ahead.
Besides, this amount alone cannot be called 'independence.'
I have no desire to break up my family, but I want the confidence that I could live on my own even if I ran away from home.
I'm at this age and have no skills, but I will seriously look for a job.
Still, when did the children who used to call me 'Mommy' start calling me in three different ways?
Perhaps because my mind was made up, a smile escaped me.
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#HopeForBookPublication #Depression #LeaveOfAbsence #FirstNovel #Fiction #AsakoIfYouAreGoingToRunNowIsTheTime