📚11【The Magic of Verbalization】You are probably aware of it, but...

If you put it into words, your "worries" will disappear
The Magic of Verbalization

Psychiatrist Shion Kabasawa (Born in Hokkaido in 1965)
Gentosha 349 pages
First edition 2022/11/10

This place, note, is a gathering of people who write and read
Setting myself aside, there are many people here who are skilled with words
And perhaps because I have been diagnosed with depression, I feel that many people here carry mental burdens
Perhaps this is a 'birds of a feather' phenomenon, though I think the majority are not like that

I thought about whether it was too late to talk about "verbalization" for note creators, but I wonder how many people can actually verbalize their own emotions?
How many people realize that "anger" lurks behind "sadness," and "envy" lurks behind "loneliness"?

For a while after I started seeing a psychosomatic medicine doctor, I continued "cognitive behavioral therapy" along with medication
It is the work of correctly recognizing one's own thinking habits and ways of using emotions, and improving them
The doctor repeatedly told me, "What are your feelings at that moment?" "Please be honest." "It's okay to say 'I was furious!!'" "Let's acknowledge your feelings."

"It's a pity," "It's painful," "It's agonizing," "It's sad," "I feel for you"
What I need to write, what I need to say, are not these pretty words
I have to dig deeper than this
"My blood was boiling," "I feel frustrated just remembering it," "I'm so envious and jealous," "I hate it so much I want to scream"...
It's difficult to convey words to others, but putting your own emotions into words is harder and tougher than I thought

Moreover, I am told to acknowledge those words (emotions)
Raised with the idea that "it is wrong to get angry" and "you shouldn't say you're in pain when you are," even though I understand in my head that "there is no good or evil in emotions" and "anger and sorrow are not negative emotions," my brain automatically rejects them
Even though I should have learned this at an assertion seminar years ago

Fortunately, thanks to a good psychosomatic doctor, my mentors (who are practically my counselors), and writing on note, I think I am becoming able to face my own emotions
I don't know for sure, though...
When I see people in their work being pessimistic, defending others, or blaming themselves, I tend to ignore my own issues and want to meddle unnecessarily
Even though that is their problem, not mine

If I extract parts from the book, would people feel like reading it?
Should I write down only the parts where I put sticky notes?
Because it's written by a "psychiatrist," not by "me," who is nobody
I will make a note of it for myself, not for others

【Personal Memo ①】

・You don't have to solve the root cause of your worries
Just by leaving them on hold and resolving what you can one by one, your worries will become lighter

・Give up on worries that are 100% uncontrollable (e.g., weather)
If it is even slightly controllable, change the setting/perspective of the worry and think of how to deal with it (e.g., prepare rain gear, change plans)

・"It will work out somehow"→ Anxiety calms down
"I can!!"→ Dopamine is secreted and performance improves
Do what you can within the range you can do it→ Goals that are too high and seem impossible to achieve do more harm than good

・Focus on the here and now
Remembering unpleasant things is a replay of pain, which amplifies pain and anxiety

・"That is that"
The ultimate phrase to shake off the past
You can shift to: What can I do now?

・Don't endure stress
What you need is the ability to let things slide
For mounting behavior,"Huh"
For unreasonable people,"Some people are like that"
If you feel down after being told something negative by a superior,"Thank you. I will be careful in the future"

・Separate facts from emotions (view things neutrally)
What is the fact? How do you feel? What do you think?
Fact → The glass is half full of water
Emotion → There is still half left OR there is only half left
Thought → I don't need more water OR I want more

・Between black or white, 0 or 100, insert the idea of "middle/normal"

・Worrying alone for more than a week is a waste of time
Consult someone, search, ask for help

・Try thinking from someone else's perspective
What would that person do? Observe the other person, read books

・Time solves worries
Think carefully, organize your emotions, overcome the stagnation, and you will be able to forget with time

【Personal Memo ②】

・Verbalizing relieves stress
Unconscious thoughts become conscious

・The brain's working memory has space for three trays
Anxiety, tension, and brain fatigue reduce memory capacity
Write things down in a to-do list, task list, planner, or memo to externalize thoughts in your head and keep your memory from getting full

• Benefits of verbalization → Self-objectification, breaking free from "I don't know what to do," reducing brain burden through externalization, stress relief, being easier to empathize with, and encouraging action

・Talking in a sense of security is healing
The happiness hormone oxytocin is secreted

・Have the courage to consult others
Expose your true self
No one feels bad about being asked for advice
There will always be people who worry about you and support you
Just talking acts as a release valve

・Repeating negative stories reinforces worries within yourself

・Repeating self-deprecation leads to negative thinking and lowers self-esteem

・Just writing down your worries is effective
Organizing facts, distinguishing between facts and emotions, venting negative emotions, making it easier to consult others, and becoming more aware of coping methods

・Input is important, but reality won't change unless you output and take action

・Breaking big goals into smaller ones makes them easier to act on
Do what you can, one by one, within your capacity
Build up achievements steadily and boost your self-esteem

・Focus only on what you can do
Put aside what you cannot do, and think about it or take action when you have the capacity

・Stop heavy drinking, focusing on negatives, staying up late, long hours on your smartphone, and bad-mouthing others
Cut these off to resolve your worries
Drinking → damages the brain, increases stress hormones, and worsens sleep quality → create alcohol-free days → stick to them → increase them → stop drinking

・Giving up sets your heart free
Remove preconceptions and attachments
Continuing to worry about things you cannot control only creates pain
Draw a line under your emotions and move on to the next thing

・"It can't be helped," "Oh well," "These things happen"
Words to draw a line
The trick is to say them lightly in a cheerful tone
Turn denial into acceptance

The author writes that they intentionally excluded evidence
In this day and age, narrative is more important than evidence
Because words and stories resonate more with people's hearts and are more likely to encourage action
They say that if verbalization becomes a natural habit, communication will become smoother and worries should decrease

I think there are people for whom verbalizing emotions becomes a trigger to face themselves
You can use the memo function on your PC or smartphone, but first, let's try writing down your emotions in a notebook or on paper with a pencil
You don't need to show it to anyone
I strongly wish someone would write a book for aggressive people, but even if such a book existed, the people who need to read it probably wouldn't...

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