A World Where Love and Forgiveness Spread Like Ripples

It has been 20 years since I started making miso.
This is my third year starting a vegetable garden using a 'pseudo-Kin-chan' farming method.
This morning, I realized that 'life is fermentation itself'.
August 8, 2026 (Reiwa 8).
On this auspicious day when the Lion's Gate opens and everything is said to be expanding, 'love and forgiveness' occurred within me.
And I realized deep down that it has always been there, and will continue to be there.

In my desperate search for the 'right answer,' I kept conforming to others until I lost sight of myself.
Noticing that sense of discomfort, I began my journey of self-discovery.
Even then, I was still looking for the right answer in the outside world.

Soon after meeting my current husband, a turning point in my life arrived. As we became a family, I began making miso. It fermented slowly, very slowly, and as I peeled away the layers like thin paper, I reclaimed myself. I finally awakened to self-love and became someone who could return to 'being me'.

Do you know the song 'Tashikana Koto' (Something Certain) by Kazumasa Oda?
It was often played in commercials, and I felt back then that it was a lovely, familiar song, but lately, I have been listening to it as if I were remembering it.
I had thought I would gift this song to my daughter on the day she gets married, but this morning I realized, 'Oh, this was a love song from me to myself.'

I desperately tried to become someone else, and when I couldn't, I chose to return to myself.
But that wasn't easy; I bumped into this and that, and kept blaming myself, saying I was no good.

Now, even that version of myself feels cute and dear to me.
I can now embrace the version of me who lived each moment to the fullest and say, 'You did your best.'
I can think that way because, ever since I first met myself, I have always loved every version of me.
I realized that this morning.

Yesterday, I opened a miso barrel that I had left for two years.
I bought a freezer to prevent it from over-fermenting by leaving it as it was.
When I did, the weight was soaked and dripping wet.
I thought, 'Oh no, I messed up.'
But wait a minute.
What is this...?
When I checked with Chappy, it was tamari soy sauce.
A lucky turn from a failure.
The miso itself was moister than the one-year-old batch, and this tamari was incredibly delicious.
The 'tamari' (failure) became 'tamaran' (irresistible).

Things that seem like failures at first glance can turn into lucky rewards if you change your perspective.

That made me think of my mother-in-law.
My mother-in-law's physical strength has been declining, and she can barely walk on her own now.
Perhaps as a side effect of a compression fracture, she has been suffering from lower back and spine pain for years.
Because it hurts, she sleeps; because she doesn't move, she becomes unable to move.
That's why I want her to move, to walk, even if just a little bit each day.
That is for her sake, but also for the family's sake.
However, I was frustrated with my mother-in-law for not starting to move.
I tried to soothe myself and convince myself many times, but at the root, I was blaming her.
I realized that.
But just as there were times when I couldn't move, or when I was moving but spinning my wheels, my mother-in-law is living her life to the fullest in her own way.
'In the middle of the tamari becoming irresistible'.
What you think is a failure ferments over time, and eventually, the day comes when it becomes irresistible.
If you are ready to receive, the time to receive will come.
Because the reward is already there.
We are just in the middle of it now.

Once you realize that, 'life is fermentation itself'.
The bacteria are working even while you let it rest.
It will pop up when the time is just right.
Even if you wait, wondering when it will be ready, or even if you leave it for two years, the reward will come.

Once I truly understood that I am me, I became able to decide and adjust the boundaries and distance between myself and others.
Even so, I still get angry or sad.
My feelings still sway.
But now I have a place to return to when I sway.
This morning, realizing that 'everyone is in the middle of becoming irresistible' gave me an even greater sense of peace.
That is because I was able to forgive myself.

While nurturing myself, I will live in a world where love and forgiveness spread like ripples.