Recent Learning: "Anger" is a secondary emotion. There is always a primary emotion that triggers it.

I realized recently that I haven't written about my own life lately,
so I'm writing about myself for the first time in a while.
I'm finally writing about myself again.

I have successfully graduated from a correspondence junior college,
transferred to a four-year university,
and am currently sprinting through my final year.

If all goes well, I will graduate from the four-year university next October.
It's my own life, but it's deeply moving...

I navigated the returnee entrance exams for my eldest daughter and eldest son one after another,
handled my husband's visa application while we didn't even know where we would settle down,
and completed our permanent return to Japan from Singapore, where we spent 14 years...

Honestly,
I have overcome wave after wave of trials,
and I have reached this point by dismissing the idea of taking a year off.

Now that I've written it all out,
I'm actually doing pretty well, aren't I? 😅

With that said,
I'd like to share an episode from my ongoing psychology studies that I recently found quite impressive.
It really made me think, "I see."

It is the idea that
"Anger is a secondary emotion, and there is always another emotion that precedes it."

Things that are generally on point
tend to sink in gradually,
and this statement was no exception.

How should I put it?
It's like what I've digested didn't get stuck on anything
and just fell right into place.
(Well, it means it really resonated with me.)

When it's put that way,
and you objectively observe your own heart carefully,
doesn't it start to make sense?

Getting angry when children don't do as you want.
→ Impatience because things aren't moving on schedule, and expectations for the children.

Anger toward a husband or partner.
→ Dependency on the other person, and frustration that they don't understand your feelings.

Also,
someone yelling at a station attendant because of a delayed train.
→ Impatience about being late for an appointment.

Even in trivial fights between children,
→ Sadness
because their pride was hurt by their younger sister. → Sadness because they were made fun of by their older brother.

And so on.
It seems there is some kind of negative emotion before anger.
On the day I learned this lesson ⏬

My husband was (from my perspective) unreasonably angry at the children,
so when I asked him why he was angry,

"Can you stop looking at me with those counselor-like eyes!?"

I ended up adding fuel to the fire 💦

As the instructor for this session also mentioned,
you cannot provide counseling to those close to you...

It was certainly an event where I felt firsthand that it is difficult when the emotional distance is too close,
😅