Working moms have it tough. I've put into words what makes it so hard and thought about what to do. Part 1

I think it's not just working moms, but working dads who have it tough too, but today I've gathered and summarized the hardships of working moms that have been bubbling up inside me lately.

Feeling unwell

I'm constantly catching colds from my children.
My joints ache, I have headaches, and my throat hurts.
But housework, childcare, and work wait for no one.
When the kids are sick, they're cranky and take it out on me, and when I'm sick too, things often reach a dead end.

Living in fear of the children getting sick

My younger child is in daycare.
There's always a risk of illness.
My older child is in elementary school.
The spread of influenza is intense.
The fear of illness passing from the younger one to the older one, and from the older one to the younger one.
On top of that, if the parents catch it, the situation falls apart all at once.
Mom is the last line of defense.
This pressure.
On top of managing the household in this state, the weight of work piles on.
(I'm just a carefree office worker, so nobody would really be troubled if I disappeared, but...)

The feeling of being only half-capable at work

I almost never go on business trips or go into the office.
I take two days off a month, plus a bit more for nursing them.
I never thought I'd become that kind of employee.
My only merits were being serious and motivated.

While I'm grateful for the kindness of those around me who overlook it, I always feel guilty, as if I'm thought of as 'slow at work,' 'dawdling,' 'lacking drive,' or 'unmotivated.'

But, I'm sorry, I can't neglect my children's health and the management of my family... I can't do any more than this.

Public perception?

When I first returned from maternity leave, it was hard to be told, 'Don't push yourself at work, you're the only mother they have.'

Mother.
Every time various people said that to me, I felt the pressure to 'be strong.'
When you search for 'working mom,'
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working mom annoying
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such words also come up, which makes me sad.

I have no time

From morning till night, there's nothing but things to do. That's it.
Today, as I write this, is the last day of the self-imposed posting restriction period due to my older child having influenza.
Last week, I was working while nursing my younger child who had a cold.
I wish there were two or three of me.

Can't meet friends from my single days

It might be a luxury problem, but I can't easily meet up with friends who used to be my energy chargers. The same goes for friends who were work colleagues but moved to different companies.

Even when they send me a message saying, 'Let me know if you have any free time on the weekend!', I can't leave the house for even a few hours on the weekend.
Especially after the birth of my second child...
I know the counterarguments: 'It's your own fault for having kids,' 'Even if your parents live far away, there are babysitters, right?', 'It's your lack of ability to raise your husband, right?', and so on.
I understand the counterarguments, so I feel sad, thinking maybe I'm asking for too much, or that it's just my own lack of ability.

Where does the hardship come from?

In other words,
the loneliness of having to raise children almost entirely as a couple while being pressured to 'do your childcare,'
the loneliness of being abandoned at the workplace with the assumption that 'you can't do your job anyway'

(especially for those who were passionate about their work before pregnancy)

the loneliness of being seen by society as 'working moms are just a burden'—which is how it actually feels—and the solitary struggle of doing housework at home with no one else helping.

Don't you feel the hardship on this path filled with traps?

You can't go anywhere.
Like an air pocket?
This is tough.

Nowadays, it feels like raising children is a privilege granted only to those who are blessed with everything, and that ordinary people are being told to prepare themselves to live a sad life, constantly lacking something—whether it's money, help, time, or self-esteem.

So, how can an ordinary person like me live normally, and if possible, happily?

I feel that the difficulty of living changes depending on whether you can find someone to pull you out of the hole in each trap and say, "It's okay."

By the way, people who are getting by on their own energy aren't reading this article, right?

Someone who affirms your parenting
Someone who thinks about and supports you with parenting
Someone who encourages you in your work
Someone who understands you regarding work
Someone who helps you with housework
Someone who tells you that you are a wonderful, complete being

It takes power to connect with people like this or to attract such people.

That is why being a working mom is tough.

To solve various things, you have to take the initiative yourself. It's hard when you don't have that power because your physical and mental energy is already being drained by childcare.

Because people will say, "You chose to have children, you chose to keep working, you chose not to get a divorce, so are you stupid for lacking the power to handle it?"

So, how am I supposed to live in this situation?
That's what it comes down to, right?

Even though I'm just trying to live desperately every day.

(Not that it's always the case, I think there are some people who have the right environmental conditions to some extent)

What should I do?

Building up the strength that wells up from within yourself, this seems to be the key.

Becoming someone who can live even as an embarrassing version of themselves, someone who can live happily even while remaining imperfect, someone who can ask for help even if they think it might be selfish.

The strength to not give up on being happy in a difficult situation.

This seems like it's going to be a bit long, so I'd like to write the rest tomorrow.

It looks like this will be the article that gets closest to the core of being a working mom in my history...