Obsessive Love: The Person I Want to Embrace
When I open the drawer of "things I like," they come tumbling out.
Buddhist statues, herbal oils, pottery, moss balls... the things I have been obsessed with over time are countless.
But "liking" something and "obsessive love" are different.
There is only one person who has held my heart captive for years, as if I were possessed by a fever.
That is Kuniko Mukoda.
I once thought about putting an end to this love. I thought that if I bought the three-volume Shunshusha edition of "The Complete Works of Kuniko Mukoda," I could bring these feelings to a close.
I first learned of Kuniko Mukoda on the afternoon of August 19, 1981, during a news segment on a variety show.
A plane crash in Taiwan.
The television was filled with talk about the screenwriter Kuniko Mukoda, who had died in the accident.
"Is this person really that amazing?"
Seeing her on the screen, honestly,
I only had the impression of someone
who looked a bit difficult to please.
However, I was obsessed with watching "Terauchi Kantaro Ikka" (The Terauchi Kantaro Family).
Kin Terauchi, who would hunch over to stare at a bromide of Kenji Sawada and writhe while crying, "Julie!"
That scene is so funny that I think it might be the origin of what we now call "oshi-katsu" (supporting one's favorite idol), and I laugh every time I see it.
"Was it this person who wrote that drama?"
From the moment I learned that, my interest in Kuniko Mukoda quietly began.
I devoured all of her works: essays, novels, travelogues, and food essays.
But I told myself I wouldn't chase her anymore,
and I felt I had long since settled things within myself.
However, in 2002, her younger sister Kazuko published
"Kuniko Mukoda's Youth: The True Face of My Sister Told Through Photos and Essays."
Letters found while sorting through her belongings became a book.
I picked up that book and began to read it slowly, page by page.
Before I knew it, I couldn't stop the tears.
"Such a beloved Kuniko Mukoda was here."
In the photos, she is wrapped in soft sunlight, so beautiful it makes you want to smile. Deep in her eyes, the lens of the camera held by her beloved Mr. N was reflected.
There was a devoted love.
In Kuniko Mukoda's works, the traces of her father, mother,
and family could be seen everywhere.
But the writing that depicts romance is different.
This is writing that can only be done by someone who has known a love that burns the body, something that cannot be done by imagination alone.
Who was the partner?
Was it Mitsuhiko Kuze?
No, it was a quieter, more devoted love.
As I read on while thinking this, the mystery that had been stuck in my chest was solved.
The death of her father Toshio depicted in "Father's Apology Letter"
The sudden death of Mr. N, with whom she secretly lived out her love
When I encountered Kazuko's writing,
Kuniko Mukoda was no longer just an author I admired,
but someone I wanted to embrace.
Obsessive love is a beautiful thing.
And before I knew it, it had become a part of my own body.
If I open the drawer of things I like,
it stays quietly in the very back of the box.
A treasure.
That was, without a doubt,
obsessive love.
The End
Kaze no Boshi-san,
I finally finished writing this just before the deadline. Writing about someone you love is
embarrassing. Plus, I put too much effort into it,
and when I read it back, I thought, "How embarrassing!"
I kept it to half of my uncontrollable feelings.