The Trap of 'Self-Satisfied Talk' That 80% of People Don't Know: How to Truly Be Valued at Work
Today, we will understand how to communicate in a way that is truly valued at work and update your communication skills and professional reputation accordingly. Let's begin.
Why you aren't being valued even when you speak up in meetings
You actively participate in meetings, yet your boss's evaluation of you doesn't improve. You work hard on presentations, yet for some reason, your proposals are rejected. Have you ever experienced this?
In fact, there is a reality where 80% of people talk about 'what they want to say' for their own self-satisfaction. The harder you try to convey your message, the further you push the other person away. Many people are unaware of this cruel truth.
The essence of the problem is not a lack of effort on your part.
It lies in having the wrong definition of 'communicating'.
🙋 People who are valued think 'listener-first'
Why is it that when two people say similar things, one is valued and the other is not?
The difference is clear.
Those who communicate in a way that truly gets through prioritize 'satisfying the listener' over themselves.
📌 For example, let's consider a situation where you are proposing a new product.
How someone who isn't valued communicates: 'This product has 10 features, and it took three years to develop. Our team worked really hard—'
How someone who is valued communicates: 'With this product, we can increase the customer's sales by 20%. There are two reasons for this.'
The difference is obvious. People who are valued start by talking about
what the other person (the boss) most wants to know. What your boss cares about is not your struggle, but the 'impact on the business'.
🤞 Even more important is the technique of 'subtraction'.
Even if you have 10 things you want to say, narrow it down to three or fewer key points. This is because humans cannot understand many things at once.
🗒️ 'Three Communication Reforms' you can start practicing today
1. Start by praising the other person: 'Approval-First'
At the beginning of a conversation, share specific appreciation for the other person. By praising them along with a specific reason, such as 'The way you handled the project the other day, especially the schedule management, was excellent,' you satisfy their need for recognition and prepare them to listen to what you have to say.
2. Talk about 'future value' instead of 'past boasts'
Many people want to talk about their past successes, but what the listener really wants to know is 'how that will be useful in the future.' Even when talking about failures, if you pair it with 'specific ways to avoid the same mistake,' it turns into valuable information.
3. Make 'listening before speaking' a habit
Listen thoroughly to the other person, identify the words and keywords they value, and use them while you speak. Just doing this will dramatically increase the probability of your message getting across. Calling the other person by their name several times during the conversation also has the effect of providing unconscious validation.
👄Your power to communicate will change from this very moment
Your evaluation at work is not determined solely by your actual ability.
How you communicate that ability determines 80% of your evaluation.
Everyone has a desire to 'talk about themselves.'
However, only those who can control that desire and speak for the sake of the other person will be truly valued and promoted.
You can change starting from tomorrow's meeting. Cut the content of what you say in half and start with what the other person wants to hear. Just by doing this, your evaluation will definitely start to change.
【Today's Communication Power Checklist】
✅ Self-Diagnosis
□ When speaking in meetings, do you start with stories about your own struggles?
□ Do you try to say everything you want to convey?
□ Are you able to adjust your talk while watching the other person's reaction?
□ Do you think about 'what the other person wants to know' before you speak?
✅ First steps starting today
□ Record a video of yourself speaking on your smartphone and review it
□ Narrow down the points you will speak about in tomorrow's meeting to within 3
□ Include one specific piece of appreciation for the other person at the start of the conversation
✅ Determination for a new you
□ Shift from 'self-satisfying talk' to 'other-satisfying talk'
□ Have the courage to cut the content you convey in half
□ Start living with a 'listener-first' mindset from today
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