【Resolving Developmental Anxiety】 A Book to Read When You Feel Your Child is "Difficult to Raise" ~Signs up to 1.5 Years Old and Steps for Early Consultation, Taught by a Mother with Experience in Child Support~
Hello, I'm Michi🌷
I work full-time while raising four children.
Actually, in my previous job, I spent eight years working in child development support.
I have stood by many parents through their anxieties and worries regarding consultations and procedures related to development.
However, even with my professional knowledge, when I personally felt that my own child was "difficult to raise," I was just as filled with anxiety😢
Today, drawing from both my experience in child support and my experience as a mother raising my second daughter, I would like to share what you can do when you feel anxious about development.
My second daughter was a "difficult child to raise"
My second daughter had intense mood swings and could not control her emotions; she was what you might call a "difficult child to raise"💦
From the time she was a baby, she barely took naps, to the point where I worried, "Is it okay for her to sleep so little?" At nursery school, from the age of three, she would barely nap and just lounge around.
The hardest part was the night crying that started around the time my eldest son was born, when she was 1 year and 5 months old.
It was not rare for her to cry all night long, leaving me without a wink of sleep.
Although that gradually improved with age, it continued until she started refusing to go to school in the first grade.
I was chronically sleep-deprived😔
My second daughter seemed to have a sleep disorder, and I couldn't put her and my eldest son to sleep together.
When I was putting my eldest son to sleep first, she would scream "Mama!" while watching me on the monitoring camera.
At the time, my husband was working late-night shifts and was exhausted both mentally and physically, so he never supported me through the night crying or offered any words of concern.
My eldest daughter, who was in the fourth grade, would somehow soothe my second daughter, and days continued where they would wait together until my eldest son fell asleep.
"Could there be something going on with this child?"
Even while thinking that, there was a part of me with professional knowledge that didn't want to admit it.
Feeling that a child is "difficult to raise" is not a bad thing
First, there is something I want to tell you.
Feeling that a child is "difficult to raise" is by no means a bad thing.
Rather, it means you are noticing your child's characteristics✨
While interacting with many parents in my previous job,
I saw many who regretted, "I wish I had noticed sooner."
But,noticing it yourself is the very first step.
I, too, struggled with my second daughter's "difficulty in being raised," wavering between my professional knowledge and my intuition as a mother.
But looking back now, I believe that acknowledging that anxiety and facing it was the first step toward improving my relationship with my second daughter💡
Signs to watch for by 18 months
Based on what I learned in my previous job and my experience raising my second daughter, I will share the signs you should watch for before the 18-month checkup.
These are merely 'starting points for awareness.'
Just because they apply does not mean a diagnosis will be made immediately🌸
1. Sleep patterns
Sleeping extremely little or too much
Hardly taking any naps
Intense night crying that lasts for a long time
2. Emotional control
Intense tantrums that last for a long time
Extremely difficult to switch emotions
Crying loudly over trivial things
3. Communication
Difficulty making eye contact
Not pointing at things
Not turning around when called by name
4. Sensory hypersensitivity or hyposensitivity
Extremely disliking specific sounds or textures
Insensitive to pain, or overly sensitive
5. Eating
Extreme picky eating
Little to no interest in eating, or an excessive interest
In my second daughter's case, sleep, emotional control, and eating (she barely ate anything) were particularly noticeable.
If you feel anxious, who should you consult first?
I think many people don't know where to turn when they think, 'Could my child be...?' 🤔
Based on my past work experience, I will share where to consult and the specific steps to take.
Step 1: Consult with a familiar professional
Start with somewhere accessible
Public Health Nurse (Health Center)
Consulting the public health nurse who handled your 18-month checkup is the smoothest path. They will provide ongoing support.Your family pediatrician
A doctor who sees your child regularly will also have a grasp of their developmental progress.Nursery school teacher
They observe your child in a group setting and can provide an objective opinion.
Step 2: Get referred to a specialized institution
From your initial point of contact, you can be referred to specialized institutions as needed 📝
Child-rearing support center
Child development support center
Therapeutic education center
Clinics or hospitals specializing in pediatric development
Step 3: Receive early support
Regardless of whether a diagnosis is made, there is support available from the stage where you just feel 'concerned' ✨
Parent-child classes
Developmental consultation
Developmental support (as needed)
Consultation and treatment at medical institutions
What is important is not the 'diagnosis,' but the 'support.'
Even without a diagnosis, you can receive parenting tips and concrete support.
To you who feel that 'specialized institutions are intimidating'
In my previous job, I often heard voices like these:
'I feel like going to a specialized institution is making a big deal out of nothing...'
'I'm afraid of getting a diagnosis'
'I'm worried about how others will see me'
I truly understand those feelings😊
But in reality,specialized institutions are places that support parents and children who are struggling .
They are not just places to get a diagnosis, but 'places to solve current parenting difficulties together'💖
When I was struggling with my second daughter's difficulty in being raised, I consulted with public health nurses and nursery school teachers. Because I had professional knowledge, I knew that 'consulting is nothing to be ashamed of.'
Rather, by consulting early, I found ways to interact that suited my second daughter, and my own heart became more at ease✨
I'm glad I took the plunge and visited the hospital (in my second daughter's case)
As my second daughter grew, she told me, 'I can't control my emotions and it's very painful'😢
Until then, I felt she was 'difficult to raise' from a parent's perspective, butshe was the one suffering the most .
When I took the plunge and consulted a doctor, they prescribed medication💊
The changes after she started taking it were truly obvious✨
My second daughter herself said, 'I feel much more at ease,' and she became able to control her emotions.
The atmosphere at home improved, sibling quarrels decreased, and the time the whole family spent smiling increased😊
Honestly, I think I should have visited the hospital sooner.
If I had gone sooner, my second daughter could have lived more comfortably.
Perhaps my decision as a parent to 'wait and see' was causing her suffering💦
My second daughter, now in the fourth grade, takes lessons in basketball, calligraphy, and piano.
Her emotional expression is as intense as ever, but that is just her personality.
She has clear emotions and is growing up to be a straightforward child🌈
Summary: Acknowledge your anxiety and take a step forward
When you feel your child is 'hard to raise,' it starts with acknowledging that anxiety.
Feeling that your child is 'hard to raise' is not a bad thing
The child themselves may be suffering the most
The 1.5-year checkup is a good time for consultation
Start with someone close to you, such as a public health nurse or pediatrician
Focus on 'support' rather than 'diagnosis.' Early consultation can make things easier for both parent and child
Visiting a hospital is also an option. Sometimes medication can provide relief
Because I worked in child support, I knew the importance of seeking advice. But as a mother, I was just as filled with anxiety💦
Professional knowledge and experience as a mother.
There are things I can convey precisely because I have both.
If you are currently feeling anxious about your child's development,
Please don't carry it all alone.
Try consulting with a professional you trust.
And if necessary, consider visiting a hospital.
That one step might change the future for you and your child🌈
When my second daughter told me she felt relieved, I wished I had acted sooner.
But it is not too late to start now.
I believe that being there for your child when they are 'struggling' is the most important thing💕
Thank you for reading until the end.
I would be happy if I could provide even a little bit of support to moms and dads who are struggling and doing their best just like me🌷
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