Domestic Chapter 1: The Ignorant Child

One week after childbirth

One week after the cesarean section, my wife gradually recovered. Even while being continuously administered painkillers via IV, she began to move a little bit and started eating. Seaweed soup was served so often that it was truly tiresome. The portion was quite large, enough that even sharing it between the two of us was plenty.

The next day, I went to the newborn nursery and met my daughter for the first time while I was in my right mind. She happened to have her eyes open, and when she made eye contact with my wife, my wife was so excited that she made a huge fuss, saying, "Our daughter is the cutest!"

Then it was time for breastfeeding. I had learned from books that breast milk comes out after giving birth, but it was mysterious to see it actually happen. My wife was also surprised by the changes in her own body. When it was time for breastfeeding, the phone in the hospital room would ring, and I would support my wife and move to the breastfeeding room many times a day. I would sit on a bench in the hallway outside and wait. After about three days, perhaps because the nurse felt sorry for me waiting outside, she brought my daughter out with my wife. She told me to try holding her. It was different from the hurried way I held her on the day of the birth. My daughter was washed clean, had drunk her mother's milk, and was fast asleep. I carefully supported her neck with my arm and held her. She was so cute and it was moving. It is a secret that I shed a few tears and was teased by the nurse and my wife.

And so, a smooth week passed.

My wife's choice

Before our daughter was born, my wife declared, "I am not going to a postpartum care center. I don't want to leave our daughter with strangers."

Everyone around us recommended a postpartum care center. "You should rest when you can," or "You can learn how to take care of the baby."

However, my wife's mind was made up. In fact, many childcare books also contained negative content about postpartum care centers. In particular, there was a lot of content regarding the failure of breastfeeding. These were cases where the baby became confused because they got used to a bottle rather than their mother's breast. There were also examples written about children who could not adapt to the standardized methods of postpartum care centers and had a hard time even after leaving. From the beginning, my wife wanted to learn by bumping into things directly rather than leaving our daughter with someone else, and her will for breastfeeding was strong.

And so, one week after the cesarean section, we headed home. My wife was still in a condition where walking was inconvenient, but she smiled while holding our daughter. From that sight, I was convinced once again. My wife is a truly strong person.

Welcome to our home

The day we arrived home, the reality of childcare began. My daughter, whom I thought was an angel, flailed her arms and legs and screamed when we brought her home and laid her on the floor. Where is she uncomfortable? Is she hungry? My wife immediately started breastfeeding, and while drinking, our daughter fell asleep. However, as soon as we laid her down again, she woke up, flailed her arms and legs, and started crying.

"Could it be a seizure? Shouldn't we go to the hospital?"

My wife got angry, asking what kind of stupid thing I was saying. When I looked it up later, it was the Moro reflex. The Moro reflex is a natural reflex action that appears in newborns, an instinctive movement where the baby tries to protect their body because they think they might fall. The way the baby suddenly spreads their arms and legs wide and gets startled looked as if they were writhing because they thought they were falling. I had studied by reading childcare books many times before the birth, but when I actually saw it, I panicked and couldn't think of anything. I, who said we should take our healthy daughter to the hospital, was a truly foolish father at that moment.

Even when night came, the child had no concept of day and night. We, the couple, were exhausted and fell asleep as if we had collapsed, and thus the first day passed.

A being that needs someone's help

At 3:00 AM, our daughter started crying again. I changed her diaper and fed her breast milk, but I didn't know why she was crying. I couldn't even distinguish if it was the Moro reflex or some other reason. "Is she in pain? Did I do something wrong?" A newborn was truly fragile. All she could do was lie down and cry, and drink milk. The fact that this tiny being could not live for even a single moment without someone's help was astonishing and at the same time pressed upon me as an infinite sense of responsibility. All humans are born this fragile and grow up receiving help like this, aren't they? The reason humanity has continued for tens of thousands of years starts right at this point. I felt a deep solemnity and at the same time a huge sense of mission in the fact that I, my father, my grandfather, my great-grandfather, and all those ancestors were born as such weak beings and have continued to this day while receiving someone's care.

My wife's choice was the right one

A few days passed, and we began to develop our own rhythm for childcare. My wife breastfed and bonded with our daughter, while I took care of diaper changes, burping, and baths. I was clumsy, but it was our own way of doing things.

If we had gone to a postpartum care center, a nurse would have explained all of this to us. However, we had to learn through direct experience. In that process, we began to observe every reaction of our daughter in more detail.

"It's good that I know when our daughter is hungry, when she's sleepy, and when she's startled."

I nodded at my wife's words. By taking care of her ourselves instead of leaving her with others, we were able to read our daughter's signs more quickly. The choice not to go to a postpartum care center. At first, it was scary and we were at a loss, but looking back now, it was the most suitable and best choice for us.

A child who knows nothing

There was a time when I couldn't empathize with people who took parental leave or time off for their children at work. I sometimes dismissed it as just a personal issue. However, having experienced childcare firsthand, my understanding of people—no, of the very existence of humanity—has broadened. That humans are inherently this weak and are beings that need each other's help.

That novice father who wanted to go to the emergency room without even knowing about the Moro reflex.

I thought I knew more as I got older. But while raising a child at home, I realized. I was just a child who had grown in body but knew nothing.

I learned something new every day while raising my daughter.

In that process, I realized. Raising a child is not just about helping the child grow. It is also about the parents growing together with the child.

Korean version: Episode 11 Domestic Edition 1: A Child Who Knows Nothing
Chinese version: Domestic Edition 1: A Child Who Knows Nothing - Here is a dad who took 3 years of parental leave - Here is a dad who took 3 years of parental leave | Douban Reading