Chapter 34: Satsuki Inoue Knows (Part 1)

I first met Kaede in the middle school brass band.


Right now, I'm looking at my own face reflected in the screen of the smartphone in my hand.
With my perfectly applied makeup and a trendy hairstyle.
I get my fair share of attention from the boys in class, and I even think to myself, 'I've really blossomed.'


But if I saw the 'me' from back then now, I think I'd seriously wonder, 'Who is that?'
I was so indifferent to fashion that it felt like the word didn't even exist in my dictionary; if I had time to look in a mirror, I'd rather spend it adjusting my reed.
I was just that kind of clumsy, plain girl you could find anywhere.


My instrument was the saxophone.
It wasn't like I had any particular passion for it.
It was just that my older brother had been in the brass band, and his hand-me-down was lying around the house.
I felt bad asking my parents for a new instrument, so I just started playing it as a matter of course.


He was the one who joined the club for a similar reason to me—not really knowing if he had any motivation or not.


'My brother played percussion, so I thought I would too.'


On the first day of club activities, Kaede said that, looking a little sleepy but somehow calm.
I still vividly remember the day he first sat in front of the drum set and gripped the sticks.


Even to an amateur like me, his drumming was so amazing that I knew the moment he hit it once, 'Oh, this guy is good.'


How should I put it?
The notes sounded like they were lined up so beautifully.
It wasn't like he was just bashing them violently; each and every sound seemed to have a will of its own, reaching my ears accurately and pleasantly.


He wasn't particularly cool-looking.
He wasn't that tall, and he wasn't exceptionally athletic either.
He was truly ordinary. Just a slightly quiet boy you could find anywhere.


But before I knew it, I found myself unconsciously following him with my eyes, whether we were playing in the ensemble or on break.
His back as he silently carried heavy equipment.
His profile as he patiently helped a junior who couldn't get the rhythm right, without a single look of annoyance.
Before I knew it, he was always at the center of my field of vision.


And then.
Realizing that my feelings couldn't be contained by a pretty word like 'admiration,' I immediately called him out to the empty hallway after school.


'Rindo-kun, I've been interested in you for a long time. I think the way you play percussion is so cool... So...'


My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my mouth.
My first confession in life.
Just one more thing to say. All I had to do was finish it with, 'Please go out with me.'


But Kaede's reply came flying back to cut me off before I could squeeze out that last sentence.


'...Sorry. I don't really know you well yet, Inoue-san.'


Oh my god.
In that moment, my mind went blank.
'I don't know you well yet.' I wanted to scream, 'Well, we can just get to know each other from now on!' but the words got stuck in my throat because of his incredibly straightforward gaze.


But then, as if to twist the knife, he continued like this.


'So, please be my friend first.'


...What happened?
What does that mean?
Was that just a polite way to turn me down without hurting my feelings?
Or did my confession not come across as Japanese, and he just took it as a nuance of 'I want to make more acquaintances'?


I was so confused I almost panicked, but his expression was completely serious.
I had no choice but to reply in a voice that was about to disappear, 'Nice to meet you too...'


(Hmm. Okay, let's switch gears! I just need to talk to him a lot and get him to know me!)


Starting as friends.
It's not what I wanted, but if that's the case, fine.
First, I'll close the distance to zero and become the number one person who 'knows me well.'


'...Hey. Can I call you Rin?'


I started by changing how I addressed him. I wanted to be even a little bit special.


'Sure. Then, I'll... since you're Satsuki, is Sacchan okay?'


'Yeah. ...Oh, but... is it okay if I just call you 'Satsuki' without the honorific?'


I had gathered quite a bit of courage to suggest that, desperate to close the distance all at once.


'No, I feel like calling you by your first name without an honorific isn't right. Sacchan sounds friendlier.'


Hmm-hmm-hmm. So that's how it is.
It was an improvement over adding '-san,' but his guard was much firmer than I had expected, and it had a strange softness to it.
Then, Sacchan it is!


I missed the mark with my confession, but I had taken a step forward... I think.
Telling myself that, my 'Friend Strategy' began.


From then on, we talked about all sorts of things every day.
Music, family, test scores.
I casually, really casually, found out the type of girl Kaede likes, and little by little, little by little, I started to become conscious of fashion.
I decided to graduate from my clumsy self and become a wonderful girl who wouldn't let him call me a 'stranger' ever again.


But it's ironic, isn't it?
As I gained confidence, blossomed, and made more friends to talk to, people around me started talking to me too.
Conversely, the time I spent 'alone' with Kaede gradually, gradually decreased.
He still treated me as a 'friend.' That distance was close, yet far, and it was frustrating.


And then, the end of our second year.
The third-years retired, and it was time to decide on the next president to lead the brass band.


I thought for sure Kaede would become the president.
He hates standing out, but his playing technique is top-notch, and even though he's a bit dense, he's the type who cares about those around him more than anyone else.


But at this time, he was already shouldering the heavy responsibility of 'Student Council President.'
His days were spent going back and forth between the student council room and the music room after school.
He didn't have the time or mental capacity to hold the position of band president as well.


That's when someone said it.
'Inoue has been reliable lately, and she's got charisma, so wouldn't she be good?'
Everyone started recommending me—partly for fun, partly to shirk their own responsibilities—since I had started to become a bit flashy and stood out in the club.


(Wait, no way, no way, no way! I could never be president!)


I shook my head desperately. I just wanted to enjoy playing my instrument next to Kaede.
Managing dozens of club members—just thinking about such a huge role made me feel like I was going to collapse.
But once a flow starts, it's cruel.
The momentum of everyone around me saying, 'Come on, Satsuki, do it!' and 'If it's Satsuki, everyone will follow!' couldn't be stopped by anyone anymore.


Just as I was at my wit's end and about to burst into tears.
Kaede, who had been silent the whole time, arms crossed, watching the meeting, slowly opened his mouth in front of everyone.


'I'll be the vice-president. In exchange, since everyone chose Sacchan, don't push everything onto her. If something happens, come through me first.'


The room went deathly quiet.
Even the people who had been making noise until just a moment ago were speechless at the unique pressure and resolve he radiated.
Kaede turned to me, frozen in surprise, and said gently, as he always did, but with a hint of apology.


'Sorry, Sacchan. Please, will you be the president?'


...Whaaat!?
Aren't you supposed to help me!?
You just made it certain that I'm the one doing it!


In the end, I had no choice but to accept, tearing up a little, saying, '...Okay.'
At the time, honestly, I even cursed in my heart, 'Kaede, you traitor!'


But I realized it later.
How much of a tightrope walk of consideration Kaede was doing at that moment.


What would have happened if Kaede had brandished the logical argument, 'Sacchan doesn't want to, so it's no good. Pick someone else,' and pushed back against everyone?
The members who recommended me might have built a strange wall against me, saying, 'What's his problem? Rindo-kun is just overprotective,' or 'We said it because we thought it was for the best, Satsuki is such a buzzkill.'


Conversely, if I had cried emotionally and kept refusing, the atmosphere in the club would have become terrible, and I would have lost my place in the club.


That's why Kaede saved face for everyone who recommended me by setting the condition, 'I'll be the vice-president.'
He showed that he, who held the title of Student Council President, would 'support her with all my might.'
By doing that, he made the kids who recommended me think, 'We weren't wrong,' while in the end, he took all the responsibility and pressure onto himself by saying, 'This is my personal request.'


The kids who recommended me probably still think this today.
'Rindo-kun is going to help out, and Satsuki became president, so it all worked out. Good result, right?'


No one gets hurt. No one is made the bad guy.
Even by cutting into his own free time as student council president and sacrificing his sleep, Kaede protected the peace in the club and, above all, my place.


(...You're unfair, Kaede.)


No one else notices your kindness, which is too deep.
Even though everyone just thinks, 'Rindo-kun is reliable as always.'
Only I have come to know your self-sacrifice, which is too clumsy, too roundabout, and something no one else would ever notice.


You do that much for me.
As if it doesn't matter what happens to you, at that time, you, who should have been the most troubled, smiled and said, 'Please.'


The moment I realized it, my heart jumped until it hurt.
Words like 'gratitude' aren't nearly enough.
Within the framework of 'friends,' how much great love you have poured into me.


I am the only one who knows your 'true self' that you haven't shown to anyone else.
It's painful, it's heartbreaking, but it's a sweet secret that belongs only to me, one I don't want to give to anyone else.


My heart has been completely, hopelessly captured by him since that day.


That's why.
I absolutely cannot yield to the 'strangers' who try to get close to him now.


In this place you protected for me, it's my turn to support you from the closest position.


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