I stopped pushing myself too hard in my writing work

Since I am doing this as a job,
I should use my strength to my limit
and go at 200% power, 365 days a year.

There was a time when I approached my writing work
thinking exactly that.
From preliminary research to searching, structuring, and writing,
even when I was on the verge of tears
due to unfamiliar tasks,
I was desperate
because I was getting paid.

I was so desperate that I pushed myself too hard
and ruined my health.
When I wrote my first report,
I tried so hard that the day before the deadline,
I came down with a fever.

While talking to the client on the phone,
I couldn't tell them I had a fever,
so even that day, past 11 PM,
I was writing
while bundled up in layers of clothes.

Even though I am supposed to be doing what I love for a living,
why is it so painful?
Maybe I'm not suited
for doing this as a job.
Maybe I shouldn't make what I truly love into a job.

Various thoughts raced through my mind.

I thought about it for a long time, but
at one point,
I even got tired of thinking.

Inevitably,
I stopped pushing myself too hard in my writing work.
Rather than saying I stopped,
it would be more accurate to say that I became unable to push myself
given my state at the time.

In anything,
even if you try too hard and panic,
or feel backed into a corner,
that doesn't mean things will go well.

Precisely because it is a job,
peace of mind is necessary.

Once I was able to think that way,
I stopped
pushing myself too hard in my writing work.

I created a situation
where it is okay not to push myself.

I don't just have one source for project requests,
I keep several.
Besides that,
I am creating a place like this
to write about myself.

When I stopped pushing myself too hard,
it created room for me to
increase my knowledge,
gain information,
find ways to brush up my writing,
and
challenge myself with new things.

Once I stopped pushing myself too hard in my writing work,
I gained peace of mind,
and my concentration has also improved.