What is the 'Alternative' in Adlerian Psychology? Why People Cannot Change Just by Stopping
What is the 'Alternative' in Adlerian Psychology? People Cannot Change Just by Stopping
Introduction (Quote + Conclusion)
At that time, the advice 'stop doing what you are doing now' is meaningless. Unless you say, 'Stop what you are doing now and do this instead,' their courage will be discouraged. If you advise, 'Stop berating your husband,' you will be countered with, 'Then what on earth do you want me to do? Are you telling me to just stay silent and let him do as he pleases!' That is why, for example, I advise, 'Instead of berating your husband, why don't you try to rely on him skillfully?' We call this an 'alternative.' Even when I say this, many people do not know how to rely on others. In such cases, we provide training on how to rely on others.
To conclude, people cannot change just by being told to 'stop.'
Only when there is a new behavioral option (an alternative) to replace the current behavior does the courage to change emerge.
Your Premise
You might think like this:
'You should just stop bad habits'
'If you eliminate problem behaviors, it will be solved'
Certainly,
It might be better than continuing the wrong behavior.
However,
Human beings are not that simple.
Why You Cannot Change
People,
have some kind of meaning or purpose in their current behavior.
Therefore,
they are troubled if they are simply forbidden from doing it.
For example,
• Stop getting angry
• Stop avoiding things
• Stop complaining
Even if you are told that,
you don't know what to do instead.
Then,
you end up returning to your original behavior.
The Structure of the Problem
Let's organize the structure here.
There is a problematic behavior
→ You are told to stop
→ There is no alternative method
→ You become anxious
→ You return to the original behavior
Once you enter this loop,
change will not last long.
However, what is important is that,
people change not by'stopping',
'acquiring a different way of doing things' is what changes them.
The Perspective of Adlerian Psychology
This is the most important point.
The'alternative' that Shunsaku Noda speaks of is,
not just denying the current behavior,
but showing a new choice of action.
For example,
instead of blaming the other person,
express your feelings.
Instead of attacking,
ask for help.
Instead of avoiding,
try engaging in a small way.
Change is not about
creating a void,
but about replacing it with a new behavior.
Encouragement requires practice
What is interesting about the quote is
the part about 'training yourself on how to rely on others'.
In other words,
knowing a good method is not enough.
You need to be able to actually do it.
Adlerian psychology is a psychology that emphasizes practice, not just theory.
So, what should you do?
The answer is simple.
When you try to stop doing something,
you must always think of an alternative behavior.
This is the key to change.
Always consider an alternative action.
For example,
・Consult instead of complaining
・Make a request instead of yelling
・Take a small challenge instead of running away
By doing so,
change becomes realistic.
The 'Stop-Only Thinking' Lurking in Daily Life
Have you ever had an experience like this?
・Trying to stop negative thinking
・Trying not to get angry
・Trying to stop procrastinating
However,
if you make stopping the only goal,
a void is created.
You need a new action to fill that void.
Questions and Choices
I would like you to hold one question here.
'Instead of the behavior you want to stop now, what can you choose?'
And,
you can also make a different choice.
→ Don't just stop
→ Think of an alternative
→ Try practicing in a small way
Conclusion
The'alternative'in Adlerian psychology is,
not simply prohibiting problematic behavior, but
It is a method for replacing behavior with something more constructive.
People do not change simply by being told to "stop."
"Stop it" is not how people change.
Only when they find "what to do instead" do they begin to change.
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The moment you open 'You Can Change Your Personality: Discussing Adlerian Psychology,' the assumption that 'personality cannot be changed' is completely overturned. Shunsaku Noda's narrative is quiet yet sharp, and as you read on, you begin to see your own reactions and patterns in human relationships. Before you know it, you start to see the world not as 'someone who cannot change,' but as 'someone who can choose again'—a shocking book that shakes your view of life to its core!
Shunsaku Noda is a leading practitioner of Adlerian psychology in Japan. He studied at the Alfred Adler Institute in Chicago and contributed significantly to the spread of Adlerian psychology in Japan while being influenced by the American Adlerian school (Dreikursian). The first president of the Japanese Society of Adlerian Psychology. A leading expert on Adlerian psychology in Japan!