Unable to speak up in meetings... The surprising psychology behind it

Hello.
I am Y, a salaryman who enjoys building habits like morning runs, meditation, reading 10 books a month, and keeping three types of journals.

Recently, while receiving coaching, I had a realization so significant it surprised even me, so I am writing about it today.

■ I kept blaming myself for being unable to speak up in meetings

There is something I have been struggling with for a long time.
It is the hesitation over whether to speak up in meetings, only to end up not saying anything and feeling regret.

"Why couldn't I say it?"
"It's pathetic for a manager."
"There's no point if I don't speak up."

I had a habit of blaming myself like that.

■ The "real reason" that became clear while talking to my coach

While having my coach listen to me, I was asked many questions.

"Why does it bother you so much?"
"Is that really something you 'must' do?"
"Whose rule is that?"

As I talked, I was struck by a sudden realization.

I was bound by an external "should" rule that said, "You must speak up in meetings."

Things I often see in books and on social media, like
"If you don't speak up, there's no point in attending the meeting"
and "Managers should always express their opinions."
I had turned this information into an "absolute rule" within myself.

■ It wasn't actually that I was "afraid of failure"

I thought to myself, "Maybe I'm afraid of failure."
But that wasn't it.

I was blaming myself for 'not being able to follow the rules of how things should be'.

In other words,
I was trying to follow 'correctness created by someone else'
rather than my own will.

I would never have reached this realization on my own.

■ The importance of noticing the 'unknown territory' within yourself

As is often written in books,

Growth stops the moment you think you 'understand'.

I truly experienced that this time.

Even though I wanted to live by my own standards,
when it came to myself, I was bound by the rules of others.
I hadn't even realized that.

That is why,
'There are still things I don't know about myself'
I realized that it is important to keep this attitude.

■ What is truly important in a meeting is not 'whether or not you speak'

There is a phrase my coach said that struck me.

'There are meetings where you don't need to speak, right?'

That is certainly true.
Depending on the purpose of the meeting,
・Nodding
・Picking up and organizing key points
・Setting the tone of the room
These forms of 'followership' are also valuable contributions.

Speaking does not equal contribution.
I had forgotten this.

■ For my future self

With this realization, I feel like I have finally reached the starting line.

・Do not be bound by other people's rules of 'should'
・Look at what I truly value
・Do not just 'think I understand,' but look toward unknown areas

While maintaining this mindset, I want to continue to grow.