A 20-year journey of enduring days of hellish, agonizing pain that lasted 24 hours a day, for which the word 'despair' is not enough

Hello, I'm Maru.

In my late 20s—

There was something I wanted from the bottom of my heart. That was an electric wheelchair.

My legs wouldn't move the way I wanted them to, and walking was very difficult.

'If only I had an electric wheelchair, I could get around much more easily...'

I wanted one so badly, but in the end, I never once rode in one.

That was because my attending physician was strongly against it.

Every day, I had to hold back the urge to cry and just keep walking.

When I was 26, I contracted a rare, incurable disease of unknown cause called CRPS. It is a rare condition that affects only about 5 in 100,000 people per year. When symptoms appear in the legs, it often becomes severe enough to require a wheelchair, and in most cases, it changes daily life significantly. I used to be able to walk and run normally, too. From the day I fell ill, I could no longer do the things I had taken for granted. 24 hours a day, the intense pain of being stabbed by a bed of nails continued, and even cold, heat, wind, and the vibrations of sound became stimuli that turned into pain... Walking while feeling waves of burning pain was truly difficult. The skin on my hands gripping the crutches would peel off, and for me, 'walking' was like being tortured. Even so, my doctor kept saying, 'Just walk on your own two feet no matter what!'

Then one day, I ended up seeing a doctor other than my attending physician.

This was because my doctor suggested I get a second opinion, thinking there might be something he hadn't noticed.

However, since there was no treatment for it in the first place, there was nothing new to be learned.

What that doctor said to me was,

'It's amazing that you're walking in this condition.' 'If you had symptoms as severe as yours, you'd be in an electric wheelchair.'

Huh!?

I was surprised when I heard those words.

'Am I the only one working this hard to walk?'

Exhausted in both mind and body, I
lost sight of why I had to go to such lengths to walk,
and there were times when I wanted to give up on everything.

'You have no idea how painful it is to walk, Doctor!'

I couldn't take it anymore and
lashed out in anger,
but my doctor adamantly
refused to give in.

There was a reason for that.

If I didn't walk on my own,
not only would my muscle strength decline and my joints contract,
but there was also the risk that I would forget how to walk.

That is why he kept telling me,
'Walk on your own two feet.'

I understood that well, too.

Even though I understood,
there were times I doubted how much he truly understood my pain,
and I was often overcome by loneliness and a sense of isolation.

However, every time I saw my doctor studying
to find a cure for my illness,
my feelings began to change.

Whenever there was a conference presentation regarding my condition,
seeing him travel anywhere in Japan to listen to it made me
want to believe in him and keep trying.

'Doctor, you're serious about this.'

The fact that a doctor who is usually so kind
becomes terrifyingly stern
only regarding this matter
is because he truly believes in my future.

Even if it meant being the bad guy,
he was betting on my potential...

Because that came through to me,

'Perhaps the day will come when I can walk like I used to.'

I was able to keep that tiny, tiny light of hope
alive without letting it go out.

More than 20 years have passed since then,
and a cure has still not been found.

But strangely enough,
my symptoms have been improving.

Now, I have regained my daily life and
returned to a full-time job.

It is a V-shaped recovery that surprises everyone around me.

I have one friend with the same illness, and
when we first met,
we were both receiving IV drips side by side.

But that friend, too,
is now walking on their own two feet.

"It's amazing that you can walk this much!"
"Our future is bright, isn't it!"

Our walking pace is slow, but
it felt truly wonderful, and
I felt the 'joy of being able to walk' with my whole body.

As we walked, saying
"Amazing, amazing"
to each other,
we got muscle aches, but
I felt happy about that too.

If I had stopped walking back then...

I would not be here today.

Because my doctor believed in the possibilities of my future,
I was able to regain the joy of walking.

There is just one person who believes in you.

I believe that if there is even one such person,
a person can move forward.

If you are struggling right now,
please remember.
No matter what,
there is someone who believes in you.

If there is even one person who believes in you,
we can move forward.

Especially in difficult times,
the presence of that person becomes a pillar of support,
giving us the courage and strength to move forward.

Because I had someone who believed in me,
I was able to believe in myself and keep walking.

So, you too,
please cherish the person who believes in you.

That person will light up your future and
give you the strength to take a new step forward.

And now, I want to be someone who believes in and
supports someone else's future.

While hoping that
an 'unimagined future'
will visit that person.

To believe in those who believe in you.

That will become a great power
to change our future.

Thank you
for reading until the end.

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will encourage me in the future!

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#A future I never imagined