[The Reality of Stuttering Vol. 3] The day I couldn't say 'Here' during roll call at the entrance ceremony

Entrance Ceremony

When transitioning to a new environment, I think everyone feels a little nervous.

However, for those with a stutter, the nature of that nervousness is a bit different.

'If my name is called today, will I be able to answer properly?'

Just that thought alone makes my chest feel uneasy from the morning.

The response is just one word: 'Here.' There is no need to think about the content or organize what to say.

Yet, that one word can become the biggest barrier.

In this Vol. 3, I would like to write about an experience I had at my high school entrance ceremony.

It is an article I wrote while remembering, 'Why was it so painful when it should have been just one word?'

For those who have had similar experiences, I think you will surely feel, 'This is about me.'

▪️The day I couldn't get 'Here' out during roll call at the entrance ceremony

On the day of my high school entrance ceremony, there was a roll call time in the gymnasium where each new student's name was called.

As the people before me were called, they answered 'Here' as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Watching that, I felt my heartbeat getting faster and faster as my turn approached.

'It's just one word, just say here.'

Even though I told myself that, my body was honest.

The moment my name was called, I opened my mouth, but no voice came out.

The sound of 'H' got stuck in my throat and wouldn't go any further.

By the time I was finally able to answer in a small voice, my face was hot, and my heart was beating painfully fast.

After the entrance ceremony ended and I entered the classroom, the teacher said to me in front of my classmates, 'Why didn't you answer?'

The experience of not being able to get out a single word, even though it should be simple, might be hard for others to imagine.

However, for those with a stutter, I don't think this is a rare story at all.

▪️Why is 'roll call' a particularly painful situation for those with a stutter?

The situation of a roll call involves several conditions that are particularly harsh for a stutter.

You can only say the designated word
There is no room to paraphrase the content or replace it with other words

Those around you are waiting quietly
The silence at the moment you get stuck is conveyed to everyone

The order can be predicted
As your turn approaches, the anxiety piles up


I feel that situations like roll call, where only a 'fixed word' is allowed, are among the most difficult situations to deal with for a stutter.

Just one word: 'Here.'

It is hard to convey to those who have never experienced it that something so simple can cause such great pain.

However, when I put it into words like this, I realize it wasn't 'something that happened because I was weak,' but rather,
the structure of the roll call situation itself had elements that were harsh for a stutter.

I couldn't answer.

If you have a stutter, haven't you experienced this at least once?

Even I, whose stuttering symptoms have become much lighter, still get nervous.

Next time, I will also write about episodes I experienced during my school life.
Please be sure to check it out.