If you are feeling "lonely"
Hello ☺︎
I am Yuki Esugi, a psychological counselor, mental coach, and family consultant ( Ü )
Last time, the topic was "Cultivating the 'ability to hold conflict'"
In your daily life,
do you ever
feel "lonely"?
When you feel "lonely",
what kind of things
are you thinking?
■ I want to be understood
Feeling lonely.
I think everyone has
experienced this.
At such times,
what kind of thoughts
arise in our hearts?
For example,
"No one understands me"
"I cannot get anyone to understand me"
"There is no one to support me"
When such
helpless thoughtsare
born,
I believe wefeel a deep sense of lonelinessandsadness.I think the desire
"I want to be understood"is
a
very natural desirethat everyone has.When that desire is fulfilled,
we
experience a
"sense of security"that "there is someone who understands me"and a
"sense of self-importance"
that "I am a valuable personwho can be cherished by others."The feeling that"There is someone in this worldwho tries to understand me,
who tries to support me.
I am not alone"
brings us deep relief and joy.
■ I became lonelier the more I tried to fit in with others
When I was in my 20s,
I thought the desire
"I want to be understood"
was selfish and self-centered.
I thought it was shameful
to have such childish
wishes, and that I shouldn't have them.
Instead,
I thought, "I must skillfully fit in with others
and be considerate so that others feel comfortable.
That is what an adult does,
and only by doing that
can I be trusted,
liked by others,
and build good relationships."
But by doing that,
turning my eyes away from the desire
to
"be understood by others"and desperately trying to fit in,
I wasalways lonely even when I was with people.
Even though I thought I could connect with people by fitting in,
the more I tried to fit in, the more I feltisolated and alone,
filled with a sense of desolation,and I would sometimes go home
and cry alone (T . T)
saying, "I'm lonely~
no one understands me~"I understand now.
Back then, I
had sealed away the basic desire to "be understood" as something bad,and because I wasn't fulfilling it in a healthy way,
that's why it happened (⁎ᵕᴗᵕ⁎)
■ Sense of self-importance
I believe that for all of us,
the experience of being close to someone,
being accepted,
being received,
being understood,
and being supported
is
indispensable.I believe that only after going through that experiencecan we
gain a "sense of self-importance"
that "I am a valuable personwho can be respected and understood
just as I am."
The desire to
be understood,be cherished,be supported,be helped,
be allowed to depend on others...
such thoughts
are not bad at all.
They are not shameful,
childish,
or a sign of a weak heart.
They are natural human desires,
and only when they are moderately fulfilled
can we
feel secure
and livewithin human relationships.
If you
feel like,
"Even though I try so hard
to fit in with others,
no one understands me
or gets me.
I am lonely."
If you are feeling that way,
please look back and see if your natural desires
to "be understood"
and "be cherished"
are being fulfilled.
And please, without hesitation,
fulfill them *(*˘ᗜ˘*)
I believe that is essential
for us to live healthy and happy lives.
If it seems difficult to find someone nearby
who will listen to your story,
who will understand you,
or who will support you,
then in such cases,
I think it is a good idea
to rely on a mental health professional
such as a psychological counselor.
Even if it means borrowing the power of a professional,
I want you to have the experience of
"being understood and supported by someone."
This is because our
"true sense of security and self-importance"
is something that
can only be obtained through human relationships.
The "mental foundation"you gain in human relationshipswill become a treasure
that leads your lifeto be solid and peaceful.
Let's cherish the experience of"being understood by someone"
together (*˘︶˘*).
And at the same time,
let's also cherish the attitude of "trying to understand someone even a little bit."
I also want to cherish both of those things.
♡ A gift from Yuki Esugi ♡
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use whatever you like (*Ü*)**.¸¸♪"
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Thank you for reading until the end.
May your days be gentle and healthy.
~For a life filled with a sense of security and self-trust~
Expert in Happy Self-Actualization, Yuki Esugi