From a lecherous horse to a thinking reed
The other day, at an izakaya in Shinjuku Sanchome, a friend who is also a noter said to me,
I like that you are always alone and don't flock with others.
Even to my ears, as someone who is a "solitary existence?" enough to be told that, rumors have recently reached me that neighborly troubles are apparently occurring frequently in this no+e community.
Of course, I don't know the specific details, so I am aware that I am not in a position to assert anything about these matters.
However, speaking in general terms, I would like to talk about the mindset I adopt when I have suffered in human relationships or felt uneasy, and have fallen into a state where I might end up hurting someone.
That mindset is, in short, if the feeling of envy for someone sprouts up,
envy
to temporarily convert the word into
lecherous horse
is to convert it into the word.
If you do that, you can think of yourself, who has lightly envied someone else about whom you actually know nothing at all,
Oh, I am not the usual human me right now, but a lecherous horse with a sloppy, drooling grin on my face.
and you will find such a version of yourself funny, which allows you to become a little calmer.
And when you think about that person again with a calm head, you will naturally realize the fact that they are by no means an enviable existence.
For example, I myself, who has few people coming to my comment section and has never received a DM asking for cooperation in projects or events, have sometimes envied popular noters whose comment sections are lively or who are asked for cooperation by many people.
But the moment I thought of myself as a lecherous horse, the hardships of those people, who at first glance looked sparkling and enviable, became visible through the surface.
After all, replying to dozens of comments is a difficult task in itself, and when it comes to requests, you have to go out of your way to sacrifice your own time for them, even without much compensation, right?
Moreover, the more you interact with many people, the more naturally people you don't get along with will appear, and the stress of human relationships will increase.
As a result, even though you started no+e because you purely loved writing, you can no longer concentrate on writing, which is no longer a matter of being enviable at all.
In other words, even if the grass on the other side of the fence looks greener, that person is surely making great efforts and enduring hardships to maintain that lawn.
In the movie "Shin Kamen Rider," Yutaka Takenouchi, playing a detective, says to the struggling Kamen Rider,
"Even if the forms are different, everyone lives while carrying despair equally."
He says something like that to encourage him, and I'm sure it's true. At the very least, as a result of telling myself that, the flames of my own jealousy have diminished. I've become able to focus on living my own irreplaceable life—which is neither dramatic nor anything special—firmly, and on writing about it here on no+e.
And, at least for me, that is far happier and more enjoyable than being fawned over as a popular person or making a killing with paid articles.
However, the people who got caught up in trouble this time are people who were overflowing with talent and charm to begin with, so I am also hopeful that they will surely use that messy experience as fuel to create something even more wonderful.
Wait, what on earth am I getting so passionate about? (lol)
With that said, I will conclude with these words.
#WhatAreYouTalkingAbout