Part 1: 'I love my oshi, but I'm a little tired' [Essay | Literary Oshi-katsu]

Even though I love my oshi, there are times when I feel a little tired.
In the past, I used to think that feeling was because 'I didn't love them enough.'

Oshi-katsu was originally something very fun.

I'm happy when a new video is uploaded.
When a stream starts, the atmosphere of my daily life changes.
When the day of a live concert approaches, I can endure the fatigue of the work week a little better.

By loving someone, color is added to life.
I truly think that was a salvation.

However, the longer I spent loving them, the more I began to carry things other than just 'love' little by little.

I don't want to miss any notifications.
I want to keep up with the flow of the timeline.
I want to stay informed about controversies or changes in the atmosphere.
I get anxious when the numbers drop.
There are days when I feel like my own level of enthusiasm is lower than others.

Before I knew it, I was spending more time checking if I was 'supporting them properly' than actually watching my oshi.

Of course, that in itself is not necessarily bad.
There are people who enjoy supporting with high enthusiasm, and there is a sense of fulfillment that comes from working hard on events or spreading the word.

But at some point, it started to become a little painful for me.

Even though it's oshi-katsu, I don't feel like I'm resting.

Rather, I am constantly connected, constantly checking something, and constantly trying 'not to fall behind.'

That was closer to surveillance than love.

If I open SNS, someone's enthusiasm flows in.

The number of items bought.
The number of times traveled to events.
The number of views.
The amount of analysis.
Recognition from the oshi.
Memories of personal contact.
The amount of merchandise.

Of course, other people are other people, but when you are in that atmosphere for a long time, comparisons start to seep in little by little.

'Am I supporting them properly?'

I start to repeat those words to myself.

But originally, 'love' shouldn't have been like a qualification exam.

There was a time in the past when I used to read a certain novel over and over again.
I would read a little bit every day, underline sentences that caught my eye, and open it again whenever I felt tired.

I would never be recognized by the author.
My thoughts would never be retweeted.
There was no atmosphere of competing over how much one read.

But that book certainly changed my life.

It changed how I think, how I use words, and how I view things.

And what is strange is that that time became a 'dialogue with myself'.

Through that book, I came to know what I was hurt by, what I thought was beautiful, and what I was afraid of.

Recently, I sometimes think.

Wouldn't it be okay to have a quiet sense of distance in my relationship with my favorite, just like when reading a book?

Of course, fandom and reading are different.
Modern fandom culture has social media, interaction, and real-time connectivity.

That is a big part of why it is fun.

But at the same time, being 'always able to connect' can also make people tired.

I feel like liking things in the past was a bit quieter.

Listening to favorite music over and over.
Playing favorite games repeatedly.
Watching favorite movies periodically.

It wasn't necessarily required to 'get a reaction back'.
But my life changed.

In fact, because it was one-way, there was a kind of love that sank deep into my own inner self.

I intend to use the term 'literary fandom' for that kind of feeling.

It is not a term that denies enthusiasm.

I think crying at a concert, supporting with all your might, and being obsessed are all wonderful.

However, if you keep circulating those emotions 'only around your favorite,' people start to feel a little suffocated.

Favorite's expression → Emotion stirred → Thoughts on social media → Reporting to favorite → Emotion → Reporting to social media

When it becomes only that cycle, your own life gradually becomes a blank space.

But in reality, the emotions stirred by your favorite can be connected to so many more places.

You could start music because of your favorite.
You could start looking at clothes.
You could take photos.
You could write.
You could go on a trip.

Or, it could simply be a quiet time to understand your own emotions.

'Why do I feel like crying so much when I listen to this song?'

I think the very act of asking that question is already a wonderful 'dialogue with yourself'.

When people get tired of fandom activities, they often think, 'Maybe I should step away.'

But I don't think that's necessarily the case.

You don't need to hate your favorite.
You don't need to deny your enthusiasm either.

Just try, for a little bit, to bring the 'emotions directed at your favorite' back into your own life.

Wouldn't that allow your 'love' to continue a little longer and more peacefully?

I would like to think about such 'literary fandom' little by little.

Part 1: Disconnecting from constant connection, 'taking emotions offline'

• Purpose: Step away from the 'atmosphere' of the fandom circle and reclaim your pure emotions.

• Steps:

  1. After consuming content, take a deep breath for just one minute without opening social media.

  2. Write down just one word of your 'own personal impression' that remains when you ignore all social media reactions (numbers and other people's words).

  3. Decide not to share that impression with anyone, and keep it only to yourself.

#Essay #Fandom #Lifestyle #ComfortableLiving #BeingMyself #Psychology #FandomFatigue #Stanning #StanningLife #Fan #OtakuActivities
#LiteraryFandom