[Memorial Service] What should I do for a first anniversary memorial? A 'ritual without a correct answer' that I learned by actually doing it

When I asked the temple to post it on their website, they told me they couldn't because it would cause trouble.
Since there are various interpretations, it seems it's risky.

[Definitive Guide] How to proceed with a first anniversary memorial | Should you worry about Rokuyo? A 'ritual without a correct answer' that I learned by actually doing it

■ A first anniversary memorial is more about 'how you face it' than 'what you do'

A first anniversary memorial is the milestone exactly one year after the deceased has passed away.
In Buddhism, it is the first major milestone after the mourning period ends.

However, when the time actually comes, many people are confused.

・What should I do?
・How much should I do?
・Who should I invite?
・Should I worry about Rokuyo?

Honestly, no one tells you.

That is why I will state the conclusion first.

■ Conclusion: There is no correct answer for a first anniversary memorial

・People who do it grandly
・People who do it only with family
・People who don't have a meal

Everything is correct.

A first anniversary memorial is not about 'formality',

👉 It is a time to create a 'closure for your feelings'.

That is why.

■ ① How to decide the date | Actually, this is everything

The principle is the actual anniversary of the death.
However, in reality, it almost always ends up like this.

👉 Move it forward to the weekend before the anniversary

The reason is clear.

👉 'It is meaningless unless it is a day when people can gather'

Note that moving it to a later date is generally not preferred.

■ ② Should you worry about Rokuyo?

This is a point that many people worry about.

The conclusion is simple.

👉 Basically, you don't need to worry about it

The reason is this:

・Rokuyo (Taian, Butsumetsu, etc.) is unrelated to Buddhism
・It is a fortune-telling calendar derived from China

In other words,

👉 It is essentially unrelated to the Buddhist event of a first anniversary memorial



■ However, reality is different

・Elderly relatives worry about it
・It is emphasized depending on the region

For this reason,

👉 It becomes a question of 'whether to consider it as a courtesy'

■ Practical criteria for judgment



The priority is decided by this.

① The priest's availability

② A day when relatives can easily gather
③ Venue availability
④ Rokuyo (last)
👉 Rokuyo is enough as a 'reference'

■ Are there days to avoid?



Conclusion:

👉 There is no Rokuyo that is NG for a first anniversary memorial

・Butsumetsu → No problem

・Tomobiki → NG for funerals, but OK for memorial services
■ In a word



👉 'A first anniversary memorial goes better if you prioritize people over Rokuyo'

■ ③ What to do first

There is no need to hesitate.

👉 First, contact the temple

・Suggest 2-3 candidate dates
・Confirm whether it is just a memorial service or if you will also have a sutra reading at the grave

Nothing will proceed until this is decided.

■ ④ The venue and scale are decided by your 'resolve'

This is the biggest point of concern.

There are 3 patterns

① Home
② Temple
③ Funeral hall/facility

The recent trend is this.

👉 Memorial service at the temple, meal at a restaurant



■ How to think about the number of people

・Only family
・Up to relatives
・Up to acquaintances

This is not a correct answer, but

👉 'The resolve of how far to invite'

is what it is.

■ ⑤ The flow of the day is surprisingly simple

1. Sutra reading
2. Incense offering
3. Sermon
4. Meal

In terms of time,

・Memorial service: 30-40 minutes
・Overall: 2-3 hours

👉 'It ends more quickly than I thought' is the honest opinion.

■ ⑥ How much is an appropriate offering?

This is the hardest thing to ask about.

The market price is as follows.

・Memorial service: 30,000 to 50,000 yen
・Sutra reading at the grave: 10,000 to 30,000 yen
・Transportation fee/Meal fee: 5,000 to 10,000 yen each

However, the essence is not the amount.

👉 It is 'gratitude' and not something to negotiate

■ ⑦ Should you have a meal?

Conclusion:

👉 There is absolutely no problem if you don't do it

Recently, it is actually increasing.

The reasons are,

・Aging population
・Burden of travel
・Changes in values



■ How to think about it if you do it

👉 Consider it a 'place of gratitude'

Rather than the luxury of the food,

👉 Gratitude for them coming is the main focus

■ ⑧ Gifts should be 'consumables'

These are the classics.

・Tea
・Sweets
・Nori (seaweed)
・Catalog gifts

They all have one thing in common.

👉 Things that don't last

■ ⑨ What you feel when you actually do it

The first anniversary memorial is not just a ritual.

・Talking about the deceased after a long time
・Sharing memories
・Realizing the passage of time

In other words, this is,

👉 The process of organizing your emotions itself

.

■ Summary

What is a first anniversary memorial?

It is,

👉 Not a ritual for the deceased
👉 But a time for those left behind to look forward

.

Therefore,

・You don't have to be bound by formality
・You don't have to force it to be grand
・You don't have to be swayed by the Rokuyo (lucky/unlucky days)

There is only one important thing.

👉 The feeling that you have 'properly reached a milestone'

That alone is enough.

・What should you do for a first anniversary memorial? The 'ritual without a right answer' I learned from experience
・Should you worry about Rokuyo? The real talk about first anniversary memorials that no one tells you
・[Archived Version] Everything about the first anniversary memorial | Complete guide from arrangements and costs to honest opinions



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