Is that 'request' just dumping work on someone, or is it trust?

Good morning, this is nobu.
I am a former 5G researcher who is now getting his hands dirty with digital transformation at an analog gas station in Toyama, where the average age of the staff is 56.

Today, I want to write for those who are not good at asking others for help and end up taking everything on themselves.

I also post every morning on X, Instagram, and Threads. If you'd like, please take a look at my profile and follow me. I post every morning, so I would be even happier if you turned on notifications.

1. You have probably been hurt by the word 'dumping' at least once

Have you ever been handed something with the words 'get this done' and felt uneasy, thinking, 'Isn't that just dumping the work on me?'
Back when I was the one being assigned tasks, I had those memories too.

Even if it doesn't go as far as 'dumping,' I think similar situations happen every day.

For example, in my company's chat, there are times when, after a vague explanation or report, someone just writes, 'Please take care of this.'

I always watch this and think that the person who was mentioned probably feels uneasy.

After all, they weren't clearly asked to do anything in the first place, and they have to stop and think every time whether they are actually supposed to do something.

On the other hand, when I am the one making the request, I hesitate for a moment, wondering, 'Will they think I'm just dumping this on them?'

Maybe I'm bad at asking, or I don't want to be seen as pushy.
While I worry about that, I end up taking it on myself, thinking, 'It's faster if I just do it myself.'

I feel that both the person handing off the work and the person receiving it have been stung by the word 'dumping' at least once.

2. It is the feeling of the person being asked that determines whether it is 'dumping' or 'delegating'

I believe that 'dumping' and 'delegating' are different things, but they are very similar.

And I think it is the feeling of the person being asked, not the person making the request, that decides which one it becomes.

If there is trust and respect, the same phrase, 'I'm leaving this to you,' will be received as 'They trusted me with this.'
Conversely, without that, it turns into dissatisfaction that 'the work was just dumped on me.'

That is why I feel that no matter how much you polish your techniques for how to phrase things, you won't find the answer.

To be honest, in terms of words, I might be 'dumping' work most of the time. Even so, the reason there is little dissatisfaction is probably because of the trust built up day by day.

3. Trust is likely built up from saying 'thank you'

That said, trust is so abstract that it is hard to know how to build it.

Actually, yesterday, I wrote an article titled Most things start moving with a single 'thank you'. I believe that story and today's topic of 'not being able to ask for help' are connected.

After you ask for something, make sure to follow through and say 'thank you.'
I think that small accumulation of actions quietly cultivates the trust that makes it easier to ask for help next time.

I feel that this is more effective than polishing the technique of how to ask.

Summary

I don't think you are unable to ask for help because you aren't trying hard enough.
You are likely just in the middle of building that trust.

That step shouldn't be anything extraordinary; it should be a natural continuation from the 'thank you' you said yesterday.

Don't rush, one thing at a time is fine. Have a good day, at your own pace.

── Putting it into practice starting today

・Try asking someone for just one small favor today
・After they do it, make sure to say 'thank you' without skipping it

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