To those of you who are struggling because you feel trapped by 'how marriage hunting should be.'
That's right. I joined BOOK-kon because I didn't want to follow the norm. And yet, I might have been strangling myself with my own expectations.
Words from one of our members.
When I spoke with them during a recent interview, they said,
I felt so bound by 'how marriage hunting should be' that the process itself became quite painful for me. they said.
There are so many people who feel this way.
So, today I want to write for those people.
If you search online, you'll find a lot written about 'how marriage hunting should be!'
For example... things like this.
'You should write that you can cook in your profile.'
'You should hide the fact that you're a high-earning woman because it's off-putting.'
'You should hide your cheerful side and act demure to be more popular.'
While these might all be valid points in their own way...
I personally feel that everyone is becoming too bound by these 'marriage hunting manuals.'
When I asked our members about it,
'Because it was written online that this is how you should do it in marriage hunting'
'I was instructed to do so by another agency'
'I didn't want to cause trouble for my matchmaker'
they told me.
Who exactly is this marriage hunting for?
I want to say loudly that the protagonist is 'you'.
At BOOK-kon, we believe there is no single right answer for marriage hunting or for life. Unlike work, I don't believe there is a clear method that guarantees you'll be popular or attract someone's attention.
'A manual??'
If everyone were conscious of such things, I don't think anyone would ever be worried.
You can be more free.
You can set yourself free even more.
For example...
'You should write that you can cook in your profile.'
▶️Comment
If you want to write it, you should, but... if it doesn't feel like you, isn't it unnecessary to force it in?
Something like 'Cookpad is my best friend' sounds more human and charming, don't you think? Haha.
In the first place, rather than trying to appeal to someone you haven't even met yet by saying you'll handle the cooking after marriage, I think it's much more fun to talk about the food you like.
'You should hide the fact that you're a high-earning woman because it's off-putting.'
▶️Comment
Wait, being a high earner means you've worked that hard—that's your value, isn't it?? I think it's a waste to hide that. It seems like your values would align better with someone who also works hard... If anything, I think 'hiding' it is more likely to cause friction later when your values don't match...
"Hide your cheerful side and be demure; that's how you get popular."
▶️Comment
That is... such a waste! In an actual case I encountered, a funny person who loved stand-up comedy was unable to express themselves at all because they were advised to 'be quiet.' If you promote yourself as quiet in your profile, you'll only attract people who like that, and your matchmaking meetings will end in misery... I don't think there's any need to force yourself. Please just be your authentic self.
I will say it as many times as it takes.
There is no such thing as 'how to beat' a matchmaking meeting.It's about realizing your own latent charm and being yourself. It's about being with someone who appreciates that version of you. That is all there is to it.
At BOOK-Kon, we don't give advice. Relying on books, we work together to find the answers that already exist 'within you'.
"I was the one most bound by the thought that I had to do things a certain way."
I have seen many people have that sudden realization.
We are breaking down the conventional wisdom of marriage agencies and marriage hunting.
At BOOK-Kon, the goal is no longer just 'finding a marriage partner,' but rather 'discovering your own life values,' 'learning to love yourself,' and 'accepting yourself completely.' Those are the goals we set.
Writer: moon (BOOK-Kon Representative Counselor)
I wrote this too. Please take a look.
▶️For those of you who hate 'having someone else pay for your meal.'
Click here for the note that people are saying, 'This is written about me...!'
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