So, Talent and Dreams

Shoot! Goal!
The stadium was enveloped in cheers.
13 years later... at 25, I became a soccer player, and I am playing soccer for a team in the English league called Chelsea.

I read this passage aloud with the reading skills I have been cultivating daily.

My boyfriend, who was flipping through his high school yearbook next to me, wore a melancholy smile on his face as he told his 12-year-old self, "At 25, I'm a company employee in Fukuoka..."

I wonder when it was that we stopped believing in dreams and talent.
We should have had things we wanted to become and things we wanted to do, but as we gradually accumulated words like 'you can't make a living doing that' or 'you're not cut out for it,' we ended up abandoning our dreams in a place that resembles a thin, dark space under an overpass.

Little by little, saying we were too busy, had other things to do, or that it wasn't realistic, we even forgot to water the seeds of talent we possessed.

The other day, a friend who posts music on YouTube released a song with another artist.
Since I knew that artist too, I sent her a message to share my thoughts on the song, adding, "That's amazing. If I had some kind of special talent, I could have helped or collaborated with the artists I like."
She only replied, "You still can."

Later, I thought about this exchange and wondered if I had sent her something quite rude.
She polished her 'special talent' to perfection and challenged herself with various things to highlight and make that talent shine, which is how she got to where she is now.
I feel that I shouldn't have said something like 'if I had a special talent' so lightly.

There is nothing I can say, as I am the one who neglects the effort to polish the talent I possess (or hope to possess).

I think of myself as 'someone who has the ability to swim, but cannot swim fast.'
If that's hard to understand, think of it as 'someone who is good at baseball, but wouldn't be a regular if they went to a powerhouse school.'
Therefore, I basically start from a state of resignation.
If I have 'anyway' or 'but,' I don't have to try hard, and it serves as an excuse if I fail.
It ends with, 'Well, I don't have the talent.'
It's a safety net to ensure that I, who didn't try seriously, don't get hurt.
Even though I won't know if I can swim fast unless I try, and I won't become a regular unless I practice.

The one who put a stop to this way of thinking was my boyfriend.

He had always told me, 'Why don't you try something?' or 'Why don't you give it a go?' but I kept dodging it with 'Hmm, maybe later' or 'Do you think so? (laughs),' and he spoke to me as if giving a sermon, saying, 'Why don't you do it? You can write better than me, you're good at it, and you have talent,' speaking at length.

Recalling that night, I feel that even if I put it into words, it's hard to convey how serious my boyfriend was, but he told me so desperately that he was almost in tears.
Things like, 'That way of thinking is no good,' 'I think you can do it,' and 'If you need anything, I'll pay for it.'

He believed in my talent more than I did, and he felt frustrated with me for spending my days with a lid on myself, swayed by the expressions and words of others.

I think, maybe I still can.
It's not anything grand, but I wonder if I can seriously commit to things without giving up.
Fortunately, the writing and tanka poetry I love are things I can enjoy for a long time. I can polish my sensibilities in my daily life.
They are not things that become impossible as I age, but rather things I can sharpen as I grow older.
I still can.

Compared to when I was a student, I can't find as much time, but I still want to continue posting and writing steadily.

So, Talent and Dreams
Restart.