Listening to 'Earth Radio'—Saved by a Child Laughing in the Bath | Kotori Diary | Episode 9

Nights alone with the baby. Every time the crying echoed, I felt like I was going to cry too.
But that smile has saved me time and time again.

The days since losing my husband felt quiet, yet
somehow like a world without color.

Even so, there was a newborn life right in front of me.

Crying, laughing, and reaching out with tiny hands.

Each one of those movements softened my heart little by little.

The Beginning of Solo Parenting

From the time my husband was hospitalized, I had been raising our child almost entirely on my own.
I had no choice—but it wasn't just that;
I felt the responsibility of being a mother and a parent deeply.

Bath time was the only time I could truly relax.
On Sunday evenings, I would bathe the baby while listening to NHK's 'Earth Radio'.

Listening to stories from people living abroad,
I would imagine going there with this child someday,
beyond the steam.

Every time I saw the baby's face laughing in the bathtub,
it felt as if light was slowly returning to a world that had lost its color.

A Small Hope

My in-laws,
the debt,
the inheritance.
Anxieties with no answers were always swirling in my mind.

But when I looked at my child laughing in front of me,

'I must protect this child.'

'I must look forward for this child's sake.'
That is what I was able to think. ---

A child's smile is more powerful than any words,

and it supported my heart.

Looking Back

My child's growth saved my heart as a mother.

What healed my sorrow was not special words or systems,

but the warmth of a small life and the smile of my own child.

No matter how small the happiness, it becomes a seed of hope.

Believing that, I am heating the water again today.

Thank you for reading until the end.