“Non-existent” Friend Speech

A fiction segment. If you are ever asked to give a speech as a representative of the friends, try using this as a reference.

Case.1 “Side-to-Side Jumps”

As just introduced, I am (Name), a friend. (Groom's Name), (Bride's Name), congratulations on your wedding. I would also like to extend my heartfelt congratulations to both families and relatives.

Yes (laughs)

I'm nervous, so from here on, please let me call you (Nickname) as usual. I will read a letter.

(Slowly takes out a letter)

I heard through the grapevine that you two have chosen to keep separate surnames. Oh, but let's leave the fact-checking on whether that's true for another day.
There might be someone here who opposes it, after all.
Since this is a celebratory occasion, let's put our own principles and arguments aside for a moment and celebrate them today. We have temporary ceasefires during Christmas, right? It's the same thing.

Actually, I am one of the opponents (laughs)

Well, keeping separate surnames means breaking the long-standing traditional culture of Japan, but from the perspective of an old-timer like me, I have a greater concern that the two of you won't become one.
A name is a wedge, so the fact that it doesn't change leads to separating the consciousness of the two. I was worried that the psychological hurdle for divorce might also be lowered.

However, having just watched you take your vows before the Lord in the chapel, I reflected that my worries were unnecessary.
The two of you will be together for life. That is what it means to swear before God. The two of you will not be divided just because your surnames are different.

That said, there may be things that faith alone cannot solve to make daily life go smoothly. When that happens, please rely on us without hesitation.
It is not good to bottle things up.

Also, don't be bound by stereotypes. Ideas like men work and women do housework and childcare are already outdated, so please discard them. Please be considerate of each other, support each other, and overcome hardships together.

With that, I would like to end my speech, but just one last thing.
Everyone, let's go vote. It is none other than us who will change the future. I know there are various reasons like being busy or it being a hassle, but let's go as much as possible.

For a more brilliant future. Thank you very much. Congratulations on your marriage!

Case.2 “Ex-Lover”

As just introduced, I am (Name), a friend of the groom. (Groom's Name), (Bride's Name), congratulations on your wedding. I would also like to extend my heartfelt congratulations to both families and relatives.

Since I was kindly nominated, I would like to borrow this time to talk about my memories with the two of you.
I am standing here as a representative of the groom's friends, but by a twist of fate, I also know the bride well. So, I would like to talk a little about the bride as well.

(Bride's Nickname) (no honorifics) (suddenly) (landmine), you really are beautiful. I always thought you would look good in a wedding dress, but this far exceeds my imagination. It's the best. I can't help but wonder why it's not me standing next to you.
(Groom's Name), you might not know this, but she is actually quite clumsy. Since she is usually reliable, it's easy to forget, but she is actually a fragile girl, you know.

That human weakness she shows from time to time, what should I call it, makes me want to protect her.
(Groom's Name), you feel the same, right? I understand.

I first met her in a university club. At first, we were just classmates, but we gradually opened up to each other, and before I knew it, we became friends who could consult each other about anything.
(Bride's Nickname), thank you so much for that time. It is no exaggeration to say that I am who I am today because you helped and supported me back then.

After that, we drifted apart after graduation, but I never thought we would meet again here.
What a coincidence. They say truth is stranger than fiction, and that is certainly true.

I met the groom when we were colleagues at the company. We were comrades-in-arms who supported each other when we were new employees and didn't know left from right.
To that comrade, I have one piece of advice to make your future married life even richer.

(Bride's nickname) is in a terrible mood when she wakes up, so you'd better not provoke her too much.

Case.3 “The Stranger”

Uh, my name is (Name), and I was suddenly called upon. Nice to meet you all, I hope we get along.

Uh, (Groom's name)?-san, (Bride's name)?-san, uh, congratulations on your marriage?

I still don't fully understand why I'm standing here, but since I've been given this opportunity, I might as well say something.

Oh, to introduce myself briefly, I am a complete stranger to both of you, or rather, I'm meeting everyone in this venue for the first time.
I was just wandering around outside, and suddenly I was made to attend, and here I am by force of circumstance.

Since I'm here as a total stranger, may I try doing a 'know-nothing' couple speech? I'll try fabricating some non-existent episodes about you two based on my prejudices.

Takeshi and I are childhood friends, and we used to play together often. Among our friends, we call him Takeshi, but the reason isn't that his physique resembles a certain character from that national anime, it's just the vibe.

Just from this sentence, you still don't know which character I'm referring to. Is it the one who can't sing, or the one with the squinty eyes? Maybe some of you thought of someone else entirely.

Well, it doesn't matter.

Takeshi is a truly good guy. If there is a tired mother in the west, he goes and carries her bundles of rice; if there is someone dying in the south, he goes and tells them they don't need to be afraid. Yes, it was a clear summer day, the sun was shining brightly that day, but my life was like a sunflower hanging its head correctly, those days when it bloomed so brightly are already a glory of the past, and at the very moment I had given up, thinking this life was over, Takeshi appeared and encouraged me.

It was like a drop of vitality... Each and every one of his words became solid energy that soaked into my heart.
Thanks to that, I am able to give this speech on this happy day. My utmost gratitude for all these blessings.

When I heard that Takeshi was getting married, I was as happy as if it were my own. (Bride's name)-san, please take care of Takeshi.
He's a really good guy, so I'm sure he'll support (Bride's name)-san well in your married life.

I wish you both eternal happiness.
Thank you for listening.