Short Short 27: 'Pretending to be on the phone'

'Pretending to be on the phone'

Again.
Seriously.
You're so persistent.

'Oh... hello? Sorry, Dad. I'll be home soon. Yeah, yeah. That's right, yeah. A ride? Oh, what should I do? Should I have you come pick me up? Well, right now I'm...'

I get hit on a lot.
I don't think I dress in a way that specifically targets men.
But of course, I want to wear cute clothes, I like makeup, and I do try to take care of my appearance.
When I walk alone at night—in downtown areas, in front of the station, or on the dimly lit 15-minute walk from the nearest station to my house—I get called out to constantly.

Is there something about my appearance that makes me look approachable, or am I actually just that cute...?
No, no, I haven't had a boyfriend in over a year, and I haven't even been properly asked out lately.

Ugh. Getting hit on is such a drag.
I suppose those kinds of encounters are still encounters, but... how should I put it? It's scary. Most of the ways people approach me are scary. It's always the cliché 'Hey miss, let's hang out' type.

Right now, the moment I stepped out of the ticket gate at my local station, a sleazy-looking guy started hitting on me.

'Hey? You're cute! What are you doing? Waiting for someone? Hey!'

I'm going home.
Stop following me.
Good grief.

Whenever that happens, I always make a phone call.
Or rather, I 'pretend' to make a phone call.
Some guys won't stop even if you're wearing headphones and pretending to listen to music. Well, I do actually listen to music, though.
The phone call is just a pretense.
If I pretend to be on the phone and completely ignore the guy, most of them will click their tongues and back off, looking dejected.

'Dad? Oh, sorry, sorry. Hey, was there anything you wanted me to pick up today?'

Since I don't have a boyfriend, the idea of 'pretending to call a boyfriend' makes me feel resistant and awkward, so I always use my dad.
Men are creatures who don't really want to get involved with someone's dad, right?

However, today's guy is persistent.
He's still walking right next to me.
I'm clearly on the phone here.
Read the room.
Hey, hey, how far do you plan on following me?
I'm going to reach my house. That's scary in its own right.
Ugh!

Just as my irritation reached its peak, the persistent guy said something unbelievable.

'Are you actually on the phone?'

What.
Why? How did he know?
No, no, it's not about knowing, but who actually asks that?
What is wrong with this guy?

'Hey, are you listening? You're not on the phone, are you?'

Having fended off countless guys with this 'Dad phone' trick until now, I was so rattled by his comment that I accidentally reacted.

'S-shut up! Go away!'

For some reason, the man curled the corners of his mouth into a smirk, as if a great detective had just finished a brilliant deduction, and his tone became even more dramatic.

I knew it. Just as I thought. Heh heh heh. I'm not some suspicious guy, you know. Why don't you stop pretending to be on the phone for a second?

What kind of pick-up line is this? He's seriously persistent and creepy.

What on earth is your problem? I am on the phone.

Then let me talk to them?

W-why would I hand my phone over to a stranger?

Because, if you're really on the phone, then...

Saying that, the man snatched my smartphone and started talking away cheerfully, saying 'Hello?' This is the worst. I've been caught.

Hello? Is this Dad? ...Yes? Oh, I see. Yes, that's right. No, I'm sorry about that. Yes. I'm sorry. Is that so? Yes, I understand. No, it's fine. Yes.

Huh? What does this mean? What are you doing? Who are you talking to? Is he some kind of enthusiastic weirdo who steals the phone from a woman pretending to be on a call, only to continue the charade himself? What? I don't get it at all.

Yes. I understand. No, I'm not doing anything. Yes.

The man was apologizing profusely, like a student being scolded by a strict teacher.

Yes. Well, I'll hand the phone back now. Yes. I'm sorry.

I took the phone and replied like this:

H-hello, Dad? Yeah, sorry about that. Thank you. Something like that.

Something like what? What are we doing right now? Me. Or rather, us.

And so, for the first time in history, I pretended to 'hang up the phone' after having pretended to be on it.

Alright then, bye-bye.

After going through the motions of swiping the home screen of my phone, I found myself calling out to the man as he turned his back and walked away in the direction he came from, looking awkward.

H-hey, wait a second.

“Hmm? What? I told you, I’ve already given up, so it’s fine.”

“No, that’s not it.”

“What?”

“Who with? Who were you talking to?”

“No, no, it was your dad, right? I got yelled at so much. He said he wouldn’t let it slide if anything happened to his daughter. I actually felt guilty for a second. And then, a police officer? What was that about? Your dad. You should’ve told me that beforehand, man...”

Saying that, the man looked chastened and walked away quickly.

Unable to grasp the situation, I stood frozen on the road with five minutes left to get home.

Because I hadn’t been on the phone.

Because I had only been pretending to be on the phone.

Because my dad is no longer in this world.

*

When I was 11, my dad died in the line of duty.
A brave death in the line of duty after struggling to catch a robber.

But still.
That may be true, but still.

The man who hit on me even knew he was a police officer.
Does that mean he was actually connected to my dad...?

After regaining some composure and arriving home, I didn’t feel like telling Mom about this.
Mom had raised me all by herself since Dad passed away.
It would only worry her unnecessarily, and above all, she probably wouldn’t believe me.

But, I was happy.

Because I could feel that Dad is still watching over me.

Is it usually scary? When things like this happen.
But I’m happy.
Because Dad, who left this world before my rebellious phase, has remained the kind, reliable, and best dad to me even now.
Because Dad has always been the dad I love.

*

Ever since then, Dad started appearing often.
It was so easy. So light.

The way Dad appears is like this.

1. I pretend to call Dad.
2. I hand the phone over to someone other than me.

That's all.

In other words, anyone but me could now talk to Dad.
I still couldn't hear him, as always.
But I was happy that we could connect.

So, whenever I had something I wanted to convey, I would pretend to call Dad, have a friend who didn't know he had passed away take the call, and have them talk for a bit.

I kept it moderate so as not to make my friends suspicious or feel awkward.

According to my friends, Dad would always say things like, 'Please take care of my daughter,' or 'Please be good friends with my daughter.'
The friends who took the call would tell me, 'Your dad is so kind.'

*

Five years have passed since I started connecting with Dad indirectly.

I am 29 now, and I am getting married tomorrow.

I think I'll try something I haven't been able to do until now.

I'll try handing the phone to Mom.
It'll be okay, right?
Dad, you'll answer, won't you?

First, I explained everything that had happened in detail to Mom.
Mom, who was initially dumbfounded and laughing, gradually listened seriously, made up her mind, and then the moment arrived.

I pretend to call Dad, just like always.

"Hello, Dad? Are you okay right now? Look, um, it's been a while, so, I'm going to hand the phone to Mom, okay? Is that alright?"

I handed the smartphone to Mom, thinking that this was the most nervous I'd ever been while pretending to make a call.

Mom takes the smartphone.

She speaks into it, quietly.

"Hello...? ...Is that you?"

Mom and Dad's phone call continued for about two hours after that.
Of course it did.
The two of them had far too much to catch up on.
How hard things were after Dad disappeared.
How sad they were.
Things they hadn't been able to say.
They talked about all sorts of things.
At one point, I even had the strange worry of whether the battery would last.
Ah, anyway, I'm just so glad.
I'm glad they could talk.
Mom looks so happy.
You're the best, Dad.
Thank you, Dad.

I heard Mom say, "Well, I suppose it's time."
Honestly, I wanted her to just hang up right then.
Just me...
It was honestly painful for me to always be the one pretending to hang up the phone.
Maybe this time.
Thinking that every time, I spent these past five years pretending to hang up on a silent partner.
It's okay now, Mom. You can just hang up.

"Well, I'll pass you over now. Here."

My smartphone was heartlessly returned to me.
Not wanting to make Mom feel self-conscious, I took the phone as normally as possible and said what I always say.

"Thanks, Dad. Well, call me again if anything comes up."

Before I could even finish my usual parting words, a nostalgic voice cut in.

"Congratulations on your marriage."

...

......

No way.

I can hear it. I can hear it. For the first time. For the first time, I can hear you, Dad.

"I'm truly sorry for making you feel lonely all this time."

I can hear you! I can hear you!
Dad! Dad!

"I told your mother, but I think this will truly be the last call. I have to go soon, too."

Wait! Wait, Dad! Dad!

"But you know, Dad will always be watching so that you can live happily. Don't worry. But you've grown up so well. Even though you used to be such a crybaby. You've really grown up."

Dad.

"Congratulations on your marriage. Oh, did I say that already? Hahaha. Be happy. I love you. You are Dad's pride and joy. Goodbye."

I couldn't say anything at all through my tears and sobbing, but I was happy.
Mom was crying next to me too, but she looked happy.
I felt Dad's gentle words and warm voice piercing straight into my heart.
I love you too, Dad.
Take care.
I'll be happy.
Thank you.

It was the first and last day that Dad hung up the phone on me.

~Text End Text~

Thanks to this work, a wonderful book was created.
I packed 50 works into it, including some newly written ones.
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'Short Short Story Collection: Pretending to be on the phone'

I would be happy if you could pick up a copy.

Postscript
June 2022
It was also adapted into a drama for 'Tales of the Unusual'.
Thank you to everyone who watched it.

Postscript
April 2023
'Pretending to be on the phone' (Bunshun Bunko)
Thanks to you all, it has been released as a paperback. Please enjoy its palm-sized readability.

Bike Kawasaki Bike (BKB)